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CGR Undertow – OUTLAW VOLLEYBALL review for Xbox

CGR Undertow – OUTLAW VOLLEYBALL review for Xbox


Remember Super Dodge Ball? Of course, you
remember Super Dodge Ball. It was one of the best sports games on the NES. It was also
one of the most…culturally insensitive games, on the NES. The kind of game you could only
get away with in the 1980s. Evidently, Outlaw Volleyball thinks it’s the
1980s. What with the stereotypes, and…you know,
the misogyny. In fact, if you change the sport to volleyball
and replace Cold War issues with…stripper issues , they’re pretty much the same thing. Outlaw
Volleyball is just Super Dodge Ball with a much nicer rack. Just ask Shawnee, the Native
American princess. Or hey, how about Natasha? I guess KGB means knockers getting bouncy. It’s bare racism, even barer women…and,
um…wait, what else, was there? Oh, right. Volleyball. And you know, if you’re okay with a little
lighthearted cultural insensitivity and are, in fact, a 15-year-old boy…that volleyball
is actually pretty decent. Outlaw Volleyball is a surprisingly solid arcade sports game.
It’s fun, it plays pretty well…I mean, it’s not an amazing game or anything. But…it’s
not terrible, either. Well, not all the time. Obviously, the focus of the game is definitely
its characters. There are men, but…who cares about the men? Honestly? I’m not even sure
why they’re there, given the game’s tone. Seems like they were thrown in to claim some
kind of false equivalency. Just to deflect criticism of its…arguably offensive portrayal
of women. “See? We have a couple guys, too.” “So…you know. It’s cool.” Anyway, the models are actually really well
done. They’re detailed, they’re…jiggly. So what the environments may be lacking…it’s
not really a big deal. Clearly, the effort went into the women. And who are we to argue
with that? That’s just…that’s prioritizing, you know? It’s not like anyone who’s playing
this game is going to care about the lousy textures or the bland environments. Things jiggle. And they jiggle good. And again, the game plays pretty well. The
controls are simple, everything’s pretty intuitive. And it throws in lots of classic arcade-isms,
right? So there’s a turbo meter, which can speed you up. There are crazy power shots…you
can even fight, just to change the momentum. And there’s a decent amount of modes, too. It even had online multiplayer, back in the
day. And yes, that’s Steve Carrell. Making…godawful
jokes. Listen, you probably wouldn’t expect very
much from a game like this. And what you would expect, you get—the chicks are hot. But
it’s at least good to know that the game beneath the boobs is actually pretty solid. Whether
or not you like the fact that…this is basically a bunch of porn cliches playing volleyball,
you might like the game. Also, you might not.

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