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COUCHERS – Episode 1: Choni Francis as The Aspiring NFL Cheerleader Guy


So dig down deep and raid their asses! Come on, Raiders, let’s go!!! What do you guys think about that one? I thought you were going to juggle. No I’m not going to juggle. This is my routine for tomorrow’s NFL cheerleading tryouts. So, do you not juggle? Yeah, your moves kind of made me uncomfortable. I’d like to expand on that. Your smile was weird, it was kind of unfriendly, rapey. You said it, Travis. It’s a pervert’s smile. I mean after a little while, I realized you were going for seductive I mean you didn’t get it Yeah you definitely didn’t get it. So I let you guys in my house, you sleep on my couch, and you just deuce all over my dreams? ARMEN: Whoah
JAKE: Say what?
TRAVIS: Hey, hey, listen. Don’t be a hater, man. Yeah, no one’s deucing on anyone’s dreams. You just need a coach. Sure, I’ll do it. I’ll make you an NFL cheerleader. Oh, oh, do I look like an NFL Cheerleader right now? No! So keep your arms in and always look up. Never look down I do not care if the grass is on fire. Why would the grass be on fire? Hey, grass fires are real, man. One solid spark from friction – Boom! Don’t shoes create a lot of friction? I’d pick up your feet as much as possible. Hey guys! I brought Shelby. She was a cheerleader in middle school for a few years. So, you think you can cheerlead? I don’t want to toot my own horn, but Well I’m not gonna toot it for you. So you better man up and dazzle me with whatever spunk you got. Oh I got a lot of spunk inside me! Show me. 5, 6, 7, 8 Funnel cake? Where do you keep getting all of this carnival food? I’m your uncle… not your wife. Okay okay okay Shelby Why don’t you do the routine with him? You know, the routine that I choreographed and coached? Me?! What are you doing with your feet? Preventing grass fires If you want to be an NFL cheerleader, you’re going to have to face all your fears. Can you do that? Are you afraid to answer the question? Yes You’re a pussy. We’re going to start there. Jake, grab my bag. Jake, what are you doing? Let’s have a quick coaches meeting. Why? Well, I am the head coach so maybe retard the attitude a little bit. I don’t “retard” for anyone. Look, this is Micah’s big day and I just want to make sure we’re on the same page, so I’m sorry if I have been a little alpha male as head coach. No, you’ve just been incompetent. You want to deuce all over my dreams? Fine. But first, I just have to show you something. What? Jake, what are you doing? I won’t let you ruin this for me. Or Micah I’m next. Okay, just remember to forget everything Shelby taught you. I’m your coach now. You need to please me. Wait, where’s Shelby? I locked her in a locker room that locks from the inside. Why?! She left me no choice, it was either lock her in a locker room or don’t lock her in a locker room. Jake, do you think locker rooms just have an unlimited supply of oxygen? I have to get her out of there. Who’s going to be my partner now? I’m confused. I’m going to be the first NFL male cheerleader. I’m still confused. Don’t be. Sound guy! What the heck was that? That was my spunk! You’ll be hearing from us but then again we say that to everyone You brought it on today kid. But let’s get two things straight. Number one There will never be male cheerleaders in the NFL, so two Your our cheerleading team’s new waterboy and our first practice is tomorrow at 7:00. Thank you! We got it. Waterboy? Hey, everybody’s got to start somewhere. Even Shakespeare was a waterboy. Yeah I think I’ve heard that somewhere. America just isn’t ready for a man to lead their cheers. I hope someday that’s not the case, but until then I will gladly bring water to really really really hot girls. If you need an assistant, I have a thorough understanding of water. I’ll keep that in mind You want to change out of that dress? I’m good. Don’t shut the- Help! Hey, we’re going to need that air. How did you guys get in here? I’m not your wife. We’re all going to die. Who wants a churro?

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