( music playing )Romantic night out,
just you and me? Yes, please. Hugh: Andie? Josh? Over here, guys! Quick, out the hole. Ahh, we should
just stay and say hi. – No, we shouldn’t.
– Ahh, come on. I don’t want to be rude. Did you hear me?
Come on over! Join us! – Hey!
– Hey, hey! Here is your carrot
cotton-tail crudité. You guys already ordered. You know,
we don’t want to impose. Yeah, we should just– Hugh:
No, there’s plenty. – Server: Enjoy.
– I’m such an idiot. Josh, this is
my girlfriend Greer. – Oh…
– She just agreed! Oh, um, Greer and I
know each other. I can’t wait to hear how!( music stops )We dated.( music resumes )And you’re all still friends? That’s amazing! I haven’t had
many girlfriends– zero, technically speaking– but I would hope to continue
a cordial connection if we ever broke up–
not that I would want that! Me either.
I’m about to speak
real nerd right now, but I like you more
than Prince Zardix likes
Princess Horas Valpuna. You read the “Galaxy 3021”
series. Oh, my– So you would stop
pressing and stressing, but real talk?
I liked it. Okay, why are we still here? We’re gonna leave soon. Hugh, you’re gonna model
your costume for me before I have to jet
to SUC tryouts, right? We’ll see.
More like you’ll see! ‘Cause I’m definitely
gonna show you! With your help,
I’m gonna be the best dressed at Brayer Cosplay
this weekend. Boy:
Small world! Me and Cora are going
to that, too! Hey, blood sis. Okay, I’m gonna go
to the bathroom. I need to pee. Uh, ladies first. Hey, Andie, now that Greer
and I are going steady, steady for good,
do you think she’s gonna
want to, like, tongue kiss? ( echoing )
What I’m asking is, do you think that Greer
has ever… ( normal voice )
frenched? Frenched? Yeah, Hugh,
Greer has frenched! Unlike me, who’s about to go
get “frenched” right now! – You still want to do this?
– Let’s get it in! Let’s just slow down
for a second maybe. My God, if we went any slower,
we’d be going backwards. So, get on your back,
put the talking on mute, go to the menu, skip stop, and slam those digits
to fast forward to your clothes being off.
Play! Andy, hold on.
Press pause for one second. You’re upset,
and I think I know why. Greer dating Hugh? You and your cousin
have always been a little– Oh, my God,
get off about me
and my cousin! That’s a really weird
choice of words. God, did it take
Greer this long
to get into that denim? Greer?
Is that what this is about? – This is about Greer?
– It’s not about Greer. It’s about the fact
that you two slept together – after how long?
– That doesn’t matter. – How long?
– Eight minutes. Oh, my God! You jumped right
into bed with Greer, but with me
it takes you two years to tell me how you felt? And now you have
two months until you leave? Are you not as attracted
to me or something? Ands, that is so
ridiculously crazy. I’m attracted to you
on such a different level. But we’ve talked about this, that we wanted this first time
to be meaningful, right? I wanted to know
certain things about you. Like, your favorite
chicken? Strips. Favorite color? Blue. Favorite kind of music? Bad. Look, I just want to do
the right thing, and, honestly, to me,
that doesn’t seem like having sex for the first time
when all you’re gonna be
thinking about is Greer. What about the right thing
for me, Josh? The nice guy routine
is tired and so am I. This is my room.
You leave. Pick a good one, Andy!
Come through, hot mess! – What are you doing? No!
– Let her rip it! How am I supposed to have
the most epic summer, if I can’t even have the most
epic sex with my boyfriend? Come on, tell Wynn
what happened. And the rant begins
in three, two, one. Last night,
Josh and I ended up on an accidental
double date with– Me and Greer! So much fun! We got home, and I slung
my snapper right at him, but I got denied. I just don’t understand
who denies sex after a half a year
of waiting. All right, Tricky Lake,
there’s gotta be more
to this story. With Greer involved,
there always is. Fine, yeah.
Greer has banged my beau, which I would be
totally cool with, except to for the fact
that I haven’t yet. I mean, Josh just cares
so much about my feelings that he doesn’t care
about my squealings. Banged your beau?
Greer’s had sex with Josh? – She’s had sex, period?
– Sex on her period? I don’t know.
I mean, probably. I’ve been preparing for our
first tonsil hockey scrimmage. I’m not ready for
the playoffs. Oh, God! Ugh, I am exhausted
with schooling these virgins. All right,
no three-step plan. Let’s just get down
to the list. Wait, I thought we were
ripping the list. Or burning. Whichever. I’m fine with both. I would ask what
your damage is, but I’d miss my life. I’m glad you asked. I knew this list
was gonna be a trigger, and it was! The last list item we did
was number 66, and my behavior
added another six. We upgraded kick the can to kick… a man. ( screaming ) Wynn, you got it all wrong. Number 66
isn’t “kick a man.” It’s “Kick it with The Man,” as in hang out with your boss. What?
Your lingo is insane! No one here even has a job! You know what?
I’m picking the next one, and I pick number 273. Plead the deed. Not number 273. That was the day you
confessed to Principal Pleats about me taking
the rap for you. That was the day
you got expelled. This doesn’t sound very fun, how did that make the most
epic summer list? Her not coming back to school
felt epic to me. – ( chuckles )
– Let’s upgrade to… …and I know just
where to start. Hugh you in–
side of me, right now? No, not me. No. Ooh. Ooh. I’ve gotta go face Greer’s
sexpectations head on. ( text chime ) Dakota, you down? Oh, I was gonna
say no anyway, but now I’ve got
a real reason to. Bye! Oh! ( cat yowls ) One on one time with one
of my oldest friends? Feels like
the perfect distraction. What’s the BBBA? Bullies, Bitches,
and Bad guys… – Anonymous!
– Okay, what are
we doing here? Well, I realized that
I needed help staying on track before the list
gets me in more trouble. – For your moms?
– For my moms,
but also for me. Ms. Fixler,
I’ve been waiting for you to come to this meeting
for a long time. You need some serious help. I’m actually just here
to support my friend. You’re about as supportive
as my old C-cup. Not very. Welcome to today’s meeting of Bullies, Bitches,
and Bad guys… Anonymous. This isn’t
the Better Business Bureau? Well, how am I supposed
to dispute that complaint about dipping my nut–
nut– nothing. Get the ( bleep ) out! – ( jeering )
– What are you doing? Who told you
you look good in red? Calm down. Take a deep breath,
say the mantra. All:
I’m not bad, I’m mad, which makes me sad, but underneath, I’m rad. Amen. Step one of the program
is personal testimonies. If you feel moved to speak,
the floor is yours. ( clears throat ) Hello, my name is Wynn, and it turns out…
I’m a bully. – All: Hi, Wynn.
– What’s up, Wynn? – I’m a human thermometer.
–( inspirational music plays )I go from Celsius
to 100 like that. It’s a problem because
it gets me in pickles. Which, sure,
is a great delicious snack. But we all know how it ends. – With diarrhea.
–( music stops )And that’s why
I’m here today. Thank you. ( applause ) Wynn, you’re not a bully. Believe me, I know bullies. Ms. Fixler, care to share
with the class? Okay.
Hi, I’m Andie Fixler, – and I know a lot about bullies
–( inspirational music plays ) because my brother
is Alec Fixler. Both: He turned us
into a monster. Yeah, and his hair is so dumb. My brother stopped me
from having the high school love story
that, honestly, I deserved. And an old bully recently
re-entered my life, and now she’s a walking
reminder that I still have not sexed my soul mate. – Andie, I found you.
–( music swells )Here, I got you these. Josh, thank you. I’m so glad you
changed your mind. – Let’s go bang in the closet!
–( record scratch )– I didn’t change my mind.
– What? So you just brought me
flowers to be nice? – Yeah.
– Ugh. Just what I need, more nice! Could we talk about
this in private? You know what?
No, thank you, Josh. I don’t need your
good guy gardenias. I need you to plow my garden! Both: Nut up, son! She can’t ( bleep ) flowers,
dude! – All right.
– Girl: You look like your mom! Ms. Fixler!
You are a trigger to everyone you encounter! This group’s
regressed more than ever
with your presence! Which means
we’re on to step two!
Go make amends! And, Andie?
Never come back.♪ I used to take on
the world on my own… ♪Hugh, come on!
I know you didn’t have dairy. This shouldn’t be
taking so long. Hugh:
I changed my mind! My cosplay costume
feels… revealing. Okay, revealing? I did not read 52 volumes
of “Galaxy 3021” when I could have been
practicing my cheerleading just for you to pussy out
at the last second. Finally. This doesn’t arouse you,
does it? “Arouse” is not the word. – ( toilet flushes )
– ( Greer chuckles ) Hey, um, I got you a present. I was reading volume 26
and I noticed that Zardix had just
a little bit… of shimmer. A hundo-p,
I was not into cosplay, but on you,
it is super sexy. – What?
– ( gasps ) Maybe I should
get a Valpuna costume
and dress up with you. Imitation dairy!
Same reaction! Oh, what? I thought I was meeting
with Skip Lunch, Sr., the biggest modeling agent
in Brayer County, not some 12 year old
skeleton in hand-me-downs. My dad’s not taking on
any new clients right now, but I’m looking for
the next big thing. Maybe then my dad
will get off my case about how much
Fanta I drink. I have been living
at the Town Center Mall, working and twerking
in front of a Spencer’s Gifts, poppin’ and droppin’
at Sbarro’s, shakin’ and bakin’
at Yankee Candle. D knows how to move the mall
like no one you’ve ever met. While I don’t get why
a scout hasn’t scooped me,
I’m not gonna settle. Seen that suit, so…
boy, bye! – Dakota, wait.
–( tires screech )You’re a star. I get tens
of submissions a day, and no one stood out
to me like you. I’m gonna ask you
something you get asked on every date you go on, “What is it that
you have to offer?” I’ll be submitting Dakota
for local gigs. I’m talking ice cream parlors, suit emporium
liquidation sales, and our biggest employer, Brayer Burials
casket display modeling! Well, even Tyrese
was the face of Lyme disease when he got started. It’ll be nothing
but a pit stop on the way to the Big Apple before
the end of the summer. You accomplishing your dreams
reminds me of mine, to grow up, meet someone, have that someone
have a dream, have that someone’s dream
to be a model, and have that dream
come true. I’m just happy
I met someone hot enough
to make it happen. This is better than any
handshake agreement I’ve ever had. ( grunting ) Whew! I can’t believe
we’re on the last step of my two-step program. It feels like this morning
it was just step one. – It was.
– Oh, ho! I am so hyped! I’ve never said sorry
to anyone I’ve wronged before. How many wronged
are you righting, exactly? – About…
– Uh-oh. I realize it was
inappropriate of me
to shave your cat simply because you said
you were sneezy. Just because you said
you were desperate for sleep, doesn’t mean it was okay
for me to sneak PM drug you. Just because you said you were
curious about Internet fame, did not give me the right
to make you into a meme. I’m sorry you went viral. I’m sorry I tricked you
into eating gluten. There are other ways to
find out if you’re intolerant. I’m really glad you made it
out of the coma. Just because you wanted
quiet in the library didn’t give me the right
to duct-tape unwilling mouths. Sorry I took off
your husband’s ‘stache. Wynn, why am I
in the hot seat? Because you’re my last
and most important apology. It’s why I insisted that
you come to the BBBA meeting. The whole reason
I’m in that group
is because of you. Me? You’ve never
bullied me before. Ghosting is a form
of bullying. It’s a slogan on
my anti-bullying poster. Friends don’t leave friends
without explanations, which I know kind of
happens to you a lot. I’m really sorry. Whew! Ha-ha! Oh, I was really nervous
about saying all that. That’s why I kinda went
through the whole thing with all those hobos
before you. – I can’t get down.
– Beat it, June! – ( groans )
– ( cat yowls ) So, do you accept my apology? Of course. You coming back
and saving my summer was all of the apology that
I would ever need from you. Wynn, I really missed you, and I’m sorry if I pushed
the list too hard. Hot mess or not,
you are making my summer epic. Well,
if I ever ghost you again,
it’s because I’m dead and I’m haunting you
for friendship. ( clattering ) What was that? Josh?
What are you doing here? I’ve been waiting
for a perfect time
to give you this. A calendar? So you can pick a new day
for our first time. I want there to be
a special day for our special deed. I did pick a date, Josh. We passed it,
so I’ll pick a new date, okay? Right now. Let’s go bang. Why don’t we just pick a day
that isn’t so soon that it feels like it’s just
coming out of horny anger, but not so far away
that you’re gonna feel
emotionally abandoned when I go to college. I’m tired of waiting, Josh. So I’m gonna go to my room
and start ‘bating, ’cause clearly
that’s the only action I’m getting out
of this relationship. And, yeah,
I am masturbating. I’m free!( music playing )Hugh, are you okay?
You’ve been acting weird. I mean, weirder than usual. Oh, I’m fine. The cosplay was
just getting too intimate
for Prince Zardix. A Prince should never be
pressured into intimacy ever. I mean, Xavier Zardix
doesn’t even have genitals. Okay, did I miss something
in the comics? ‘Cause I think
I would have remembered that. ( phone vibrates ) – What’s wrong?
– Nothing. It’s nothing. – You wouldn’t understand.
– No, please tell me. You didn’t understand cosplay and you still
helped me with that. Let me try. Okay, um, it’s just that SUC tryouts are tonight and I– I’m really nervous. You’re a great cheer-er. You’ll do super. Why are you
second guessing yourself? I don’t know.
I guess it’s, like, cheerleading
is life or whatever, but for me it just–
it kind of feels
like a past one? I’m not exactly
Susie Spirit anymore, so… Isn’t cheerleading all about
supporting the team? I bet you’ll be
an even better cheerleader
now that you’re nice.( ding )Dictionary logic.
I like it. You know what? Yeah. Yeah!
I am gonna go out there and I am gonna be
an SUC succubus. Succubus? The female demon that has sex
with you in your sleep? Uh, yeah-doi.com.
It’s SUC’s mascot. Oh, my God!
Will you watch
my tryout routine? – Uh…
– Hit it, Shaw!( dance music playing )( demonic voice )
Don’t care if it’s
wrong or right. Entering your
end zone tonight. Close your eyes
and go to sleep. I will score on you
so deep. “Go, fight, win,”
is what they say. My defense is my vajay! I will eat your heart.( baby crying )( applause ) Man, I am refreshed. Hey, maybe next year
I’ll go for honor roll. Awesome,
first a sexless summer, and now a school year
of Wynn studying? At least I have Dakota
to keep some flair in my hair. Ooh, sorry,
Grumplestiltskin. I’m a signed model now. If you’re looking
for a meet and greet in New York next year,
contact my people. They’ll try to fit you in. Hi, guys. As if today
wasn’t shitty enough, enter a walking reminder
that my own boyfriend is muzzling my muffin! Okay! Andie said “muffin”. All right, let’s go watch
your favorite show, “Four Fast Friends,”
reset you back to bland. Ooh, I’m gonna leave
you two to it. I gotta go bang my BF ’cause, bonus perks
of becoming a model, – Ruben’s hornier than–
– No! Stay, Dakota! Hugh, I made the squad. I’m an official
SUC Succubus! I’m not prepared
to penetrate yet! – Uh, what?
– Andie told me
you and Josh had sex after eight minutes,
which is really fast. And I’m not ready to yet
because I’m a virgin, but I’m scared you’ll make me. Wow. Is that really
your impression of me? You think I’m just here
to pluck your duck? I mean, I guess I get it. It’s hard not to see anything
but a super hot babe with knock-out knockers
and seamless stems, but, Hugh, I thought you
of all people would. I’m catching feels for you, but if you don’t
feel the same way, you need to
let me know now. Sorry,
your my first gal pal and… you’re clearly
too cool for me. Damn, I didn’t know guys
could be hot and nice. I’ve done hot and dumb,
hot and boring, hot and funny, which is,
like, super hard to find. I guess we’re both just
looking for something
we’ve never had. Maybe we could
find it together. I would like that. And, Hugh, I would
never pressure you into doing something that
you’re not prepared to do. I’m cool to wait
until you’re ready. – Until marriage?
– What? No! What? Mmm. Announcer on TV:Next on
“Four Fast Friends”…( Andie singing along )
♪ Four regular Joes just
doing their thing ♪♪ Four regular Joes,
four regular Joes ♪♪ And they meet
each other fast ♪♪ And soon
they start to click ♪– ( pounding on door )
–♪ Because four fast friends ♪What? Josh:
Andie, it’s Josh. Go away! I don’t need anymore
of your niceties. All right, listen up, I am an all-American,
Prom King-winning, football-playing,
pretty in-shape for an 18-year-old
kind of guy. I also happen to be
the kind of guy that likes
to take your photos. I love to buy you flowers. And I like knowing what
your favorite cheese
is– string. And I want to pick
a special day
for our first time. You wanna know why? Because I am
a nice ( bleep ) guy. And I like that about you. It just– it made me feel
like you didn’t want me, which in a weird way kind of
made me want you more, – and I just kind of–
– Shh. Do you have any doubts
about how much I want you? – Unh-uh.
– Let’s stop talking.♪ Nothing can stop me now
with my four fast friends ♪Damn! My name’s Soda
and I am…All:
…one sassy sidekick.That’s right!Guys, I’ve got
a major boy dilemma.All:Oh, Mandy!♪ Four fast friends ♪♪ And they’re out
on their own ♪♪ Four fast,
four fast friends ♪♪ Nothing can stop me now ♪♪ With my four fast friends ♪