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Freelancers Episode 3: Karate!

Freelancers Episode 3: Karate!


– [Presenter] The best treatment (gasping) can only be found here at JP’s Pharmacy. (gasping) We stock the latest in
medical and non-medical. (gasping) – Is it just me or does it sound like someone is dying in the background? – That might have been me. What happened was, I
worry that my breath is gonna be picked up on the microphones, and so I try to hold it, but some of the takes
are really, really long and so I end up gasping. – This take was 15 seconds. – That is a decent amount
of time, Ms. Judgey! – Oh really?
– Yes, it is. – Guys, we met the coolest client! – Danny Devito? – What? – Is that a no? – I’m sorry, you think that Danny Devito is the coolest client we could have? What would we even do for him? Make an ad for short pants? – They’re just called shorts. – I don’t have to defend myself on this. That man is a legend! Have you seen Twins? – Have you seen Batman Returns? – Have you seen Field of Dreams? – I don’t think he’s in that one. – Mmm, and you passed the test. – I’m not even saying I
don’t like Danny Devito. I’m just saying that of the
three billion people on Earth. – Seven. – Seven billion people on Earth, seven billion people? Seven billion people on Earth, you think Danny Devito is number one? – Where do I rank on this list? – So you think you’re
cooler than Danny Devito? – Sure. – Danny Devito, while only a
mere four feet 11 inches tall, is twice the man you are! – You know his height! How long have you been
obsessed with this man? – Uh, as long as I’ve
had two eyes and a heart! – Was there ever a time where
she didn’t have those things? (gasping) – We’re not on speaking terms, you and I. Not until you atone for this! – Okay, how would I do that? By telling you that his
voice portrayal of The Lorax makes him a modern James Dean? – One more word, Owen
Darby, and I will end you! – Good, ’cause I don’t
want to live in a world where Danny Devito is
the coolest man alive! – You already do. (stomping) – So, who was the client? – It was this guy with one
arm who runs a taco truck. (clattering) – That’s who you think is
cooler than Danny Devito? – He makes tacos with one hand. (slapping) – I did that with one hand. Guess you must think I’m pretty fly now. (gasping) (beeping) – Sweet glory! (upbeat music) (hip hop music) – Hey guys, how’d it go at the dojo? – It was awesome! – So good! – That is great! It’s about time we had an
ad we could be proud of. – Oh yeah yeah, the ad
will be great or whatever, but afterwards we got to do a free lesson. We learned the ways of the ancients, Zona! – Sensei taught us how to
focus and center our chi’s, and now we are machines of death. – Mmhmm. (kiai) Oh, see, I almost died. – Oh man! Why are you guys telling me this? You know I have serious FOMO! Are you talking it up so I’ll be jealous? – These hands. (peaceful flute music) These hands! I never knew they could
create such beautiful things or destroy them! – [Boys] Hiya! – We call ourselves the Karate Cobras. (fake snake hissing) – Guys, guess what? I got a new vehicle! – Yes! Now we can finally
transport sound equipment! Praise! – Unnh! – I feel deceived. (tapping) I won her in a back alley
game of crazy eights, and I’ll tell you, that
game lived up to its name. Isn’t she beautiful? – I suppose. After today’s enlightenment though, I’m not really interested
in material things. – Like fabrics? – They did an ad for the dojo today and now they think they’re Bruce Norris. – Bruce Norris? – Please, I know I made a mistake, but I can’t take the ridicule right now. (muffled laughing) – Very well. We will forebear. Let’s go, Cobras. – If you’re feeling stressed,
perhaps a scooter ride. – No. – They’ll come around, Scoots MaGoots. They’ll come around. (tapping) (futuristic music) – Owen, can you take a look at this edit for the wedding venue, eh? The deadline is tomorrow and, – Young Zona, the
universe has no deadlines. When you become one with everything, you’ll understand that the past and future are merely illusions. All things are in the present. – So this is what it feels
like to want to kill someone. – Control your emotions, young
Padawan, Or your emotions, (yelling) (peaceful flute music) – will control you. I feel so cool right now,
I can’t even describe. Savor this moment, Owen Darby. She can never know you were
reaching for this slinky. ♪ You’re the best around ♪ ♪ Nothin’s ever want to birthday clown ♪ (heavy rock music) (humming) – Scoots! Who did this to you? Tell mama! Oh, she’s cold. Forgot my keys, and my wallet. These are not my pants. Did any of you see who
knocked over my scooter? – Did you just forget to
put the kickstand down? I assume it has a kickstand since it’s basically a bicycle
for adult children. – You just lost scooter privileges. – Like I care. Dang it. – Just let me, by Zeus! It’s tipped again! Heads will roll for this! Faces will be eaten! – Calm down, Devin. It was probably just a raccoon. They’re always rummaging
through that alleyway. – What! They know that’s my rummage territory! I gotta find their leader. Make an example. Do these pants belong to any of you? Where’d they come from? Ghost pants. (door closing) – ‘Cause you can’t see them. – Ohh. There it is. – Took me a minute. (funky music) – I’m gettin’ itchy. It’s been too long since I punched a man. – Me too. I need an outlet to release my new powers. – We should go for a walk. – Yes, please leave. – A walk? Owen, I need to use my new skills, man! – A walk in the bad part of town. – Aren’t we in the bad part of town? – Mmmhmm, lucky for us. – Unlucky for our enemies. – And your friends who you have left out! – Ryan? – You guys seriously want
to walk around the streets, at night, on the off
chance that we’ll run into some criminals and have
to use our ninja skills to exact vigilante justice on
them like Batman, ok I am in. – Seriously? You guys gonna wear ninja masks too? – We should wear ninja masks! – Yes, please! – I was mocking you! – Let’s roll, Cobras. (fake snake hissing) Zona? We’ll see you later. (edgy music) – No! Who in the world could be that fast? (suspicious music) Ninjas. – [Micah] Guys, we’ve
been prowling for an hour, and haven’t even seen one felony! Primetime television has really screwed up my expectations. – [Owen] You’re right. I don’t know what I was hoping for. (gasping) (ominous music) This is what I was hoping for. – [Micah] Primetime television perfectly understands the world we live in. (ominous music) – [Ryan] Ooh, I hope they’re a bad guy. Do you think that they are? I mean, the fog and
everything is very ominous, but I would hate to assume. (garbage can crashing) (screaming) (door opening) (groaning) Help us! – What happened? – We were attacked by a crazy person! – He was too much for us. He was a shark, and we were the fish that clearly don’t know karate. – Guys, the craziest thing
just happened, what happened? – The Cobras were attacked
by a mongoose tonight. – You saw a mongoose? Where? Was it eyeing my rummage territory? – We got beaten up, Devin, by some Davy Crockett-looking
homeless dude! – Was he wearing this? – Yes. – It was you? (heavy metal music) (hissing) (screaming) (thudding) (taser buzzing) – [Owen] Aaaah! How am I still conscious? (film beeping) – Why did you attack us?! – I lost full control of my body, Devin! Full control! That alleyway is a health hazard now! – I didn’t know it was you guys! Although there was a point where I thought I recognized Owen’s crying. (screaming) – Full control! – I thought you guys were the ones tipping over my scooter! – No, twas I. (gasping) – I forgot you were here! – How could you have
tipped over the scooter? You were inside with all of us. – I hired Mr. Gandolfini to do it. – Man, he touched my scooter? Now I gotta bleach the whole thing. – I knew that if Devin’s beloved
new scooter were in danger, she’d go to great lengths to
protect it, and so she did. All I had to do was point her
toward some likely culprits. – The masks! – You guys gonna wear ninja masks too? – We should wear ninja masks! – And so the trap is set. For you, Danny. ♪ She will beat you down ♪ ♪ If Devito Loca ♪ I thought that if I planted the idea inside your foolish heads,
you’d take the bait! Once Devin saw a group of
ninjas roaming around her scooter, it was a fait accompli. It was a done deal. – [All] Ahhhh. – Zona, that is not cool! My gorgeous lips got busted up and Owen can barely walk and
Ryan has a dent in his head. – What? – Three dents actually, but
it was two before tonight. Both were from the same golf ball. – Wow, I had no idea Devin
could be that brutal. – You didn’t think I would savagely injure a group of random strangers? You think so little of me. – What have I done? I manipulated you, I
exacted revenge on you. Owen, I completely emasculated you. – Well, I wouldn’t say completely. – [Zona] Completely emasculated you. – We don’t have to repeat it. – Just none left. – [Owen] I have some left. – I’m so sorry everyone. – [Owen] We forgive you, Zona. – We do? – Even though her actions were
cruel and manipulative and strangely attractive to
me, we are the ones who drove her to these actions
through our own cruelty. Forgive and forgiven? – Forgive and forgiven. – Plus, I got to go full John Cena, and you know I like to go full John Cena. – You have my respect, Devin. You would have made Bruce Norris proud. (laughing) Oh I’ve been waiting all
day to bring that one back! Okay, let’s get me to Urgent Care. Urgently. – [All] Okay, got him. – [Owen] Urgently! – [Devin] Here we go, here we go! – [Owen] Coordinate! (crashing) (laughing) (crashing) (laughing) (crashing) – [Director] Left side. (crashing) – Shh. (fake motorcycle revving) (door opening)

100 thoughts on “Freelancers Episode 3: Karate!”

  1. Did anyone else notice that under his breath when humming the song as he played with the slinky he said "birthday clown"?

  2. From what I have read , I am concerned that freelancersecrets.com / clickfunnels might be a mlm , and if so , I feel that it would be a ripoff https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s6MwGeOm8iI . I heard of such schemes becoming prevalent in Utah , in particular. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o5xhNXVfPYQ

  3. I haven't even seen the rest of this series (this is the first of it that I have watched, I'm going to start with 1 next) and it's already amazing just from this one episode!

  4. 2:18 WHY CAN’T I STOP LAUGHING AT THAT?!?!

    Btw, this is the best series you have done ever!! Can’t wait for season 2 (if you make one, you better make one)!

  5. I don’t wanna live in a world where Danny Devito is the coolest guys in the world!

    So…where’s some merchandise, guys?!?

  6. ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????☕️??????????????????

  7. Mallory held her breath for 1 minute and 53 seconds?
    I have to agree with Stacy on that one: “SWEET GLORY!”

  8. Talking about Danny Devito and jabronies? I think someone has been watching too much It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

  9. I love Deven’s quotes. Some examples are:
    “Heads will role for this! Faces will be eaten!”
    “By Zeus!”
    “Who’s pants are these. Ghost pants.”
    “You didn’t think I would savagely injure a group of random strangers? You think so little of me.”

  10. I sincerely would like to know what Danny De Vito thinks about the conversation centered around his merits as the coolest guy on earth.

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