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Giraffe Volleyball Championships


[Intro music] Matt: We are playing some goofy, wacky, stuff Ryan. Ryan: Yeah, it’s a game with giraffes. Random. Matt: *snickers* le random giraffes111!!1! Ryan: Uh-oh. Matt: We’re doing, uh…it’s giraffe volleyball. We found this game online and we said why not so… Ryan: Hold on…get this… get this fucking wire out of my way Matt: Ryan, your controller wire is all tangled with the microphone. What are you DOING? Ryan: It’s not even tangled, you’re lying… Matt: Oh, but I’m about to kick your ass at some giraffe volleyball. Ryan: Yay, I won. Matt: I lost a point. Ryan: Dumbass. Matt: I like this game. I like the way they move. Ryan: Okay. Matt: Come here, boy. I’m on the left, Ryan’s on the right. Ryan: Darn. Matt: What if giraffes actually looked like this, and when they walked it was just like: *random noise* It’s terrifying to be honest. Ryan: What if, dude. Matt: Ha HA! Ryan: NOOOOO. Matt: HAHA!! Matt: Got eeeeem! Matt: Okay, here we go… Matt: Ooh! Matt: ooOOOH! Ryan: oooOOOooOOooOoH!! Matt: Get outta there-oh SHIT! Matt: Fuck. FUCK! Ryan: Yeeeeahh. Matt: That’s tricky. Ryan: *in rhythm with giraffe movement* Fuck. ‘n. Fight. With. Me. Matt: That’s tricky, dude. *laughs* Matt: You’re just over there. You’re- Ryan: (In background, singing)
Matt: You’re enticing me, dude. Ryan: C’mon… Matt: You’re teasing me! Stop it! Matt: Alright… Ryan: *grunting* Matt: Very nice, there you go… Matt: Ooh! I like uh…the ball goes with the music, you see that? Ryan: Hurry-!! Ah, there we go. Matt: FUCK! Ryan: Ha HA! Matt: That’s not fair. Ryan: Who’s the better giraffe now, dumbass?! Matt: It’s not about who’s the better giraffe, Ryan… Ryan: Oh really? That’s not what the score says. Matt: We’re ALL winners here. Ryan: Says the loser. Matt: Not for long, Ryan. Matt: Yeah! *mocking Ryan* Says the loser! Ryan: We’re tied, idiot. Matt: *Stumbling over words*
Ryan: *Mocks Matt* Matt: Ready for this? Ryan: Come on, boy. Matt: Taste my giraffe wrath. Matt: FUCK. Ryan: I’m tasting it. It tastes good. Matt: I love these controls, though. This is actually- Ryan: This is a pleasing game. Matt: I thought is was going to be a very stupid, dumb game. Matt: Well, it IS a very stupid, dumb game. Matt: But, it’s also very uh…surprisingly fun. Matt: Very smooth controls. Matt: GOD damnit. Ryan: You can blame God all you want… Matt: I wasn’t BLAMING God.. Ryan: But it’s the prophet who’s to blame. Matt: The prophet? Ryan: The false prophet. Matt: Who’s the false prophet? Ryan: Ann. Matt: wut. Matt: ANYWAY, you won that one, Ryan, but, uh, heh… We’ll-we’ll see next time who’s going to win…the next one. Ryan: *tiny voice* I’m Matt, heh heh. Ryan: HEH. Ryan: HOH. Ryan: HEHEHEHEHEHOHOHAHAHAH. Matt: FUCK! Matt:That’s hard. Matt: Their legs look like spaghetti before you cook it. Ryan: Well, that’s just mean. *Ryan grunts excitedly* Ryan: No! Matt: Come and get it. Ryan: *still grunting* Matt: WHAT?! Ryan: HOH HOH HOH HOH Matt: Was that a glitch?! Ryan: Heh, yeah, but you still got the… Ryan: Dude, go through puberty, dude. Matt: When I get upset, my voice gets high, Ryan. Matt: Cause of smokin’ all that kush. [air horn] Matt: OH! Damnit! Matt: Wow. This is, uh…this is not goin’ well for me. Ryan: I wanna see, like, a Pixar animation… …with like giraffes who’s legs move like this. Matt: *snickers* Ryan: Like, they had to create new technology for that octopus Hank thing in Dory 2. Matt: Oh, come on! Matt: Yeah! How they had to like…they had to like create new technology just to work the physics of that octopus. Ryan: Yeah. Except now it’s just giraffes and legs. Matt: Eat my shorts, Ryan! Eat my giraffe shorts! Matt: Which I would love to see, by the way. Imagine a giraffe with a pair of jorts on. Matt: That’d be some goofy stuff, wouldn’t it? Matt: That’d be just…funny. le rand0m. Matt: I’d see that on 9GAG.
Ryan: I’d be like ho ho! Funny funny! Matt: le funny 9gag memez11!1!! Ryan: Just over here BOUNCIN’ AROUND… Matt: *tsks* Ooh, Ryan. Things aren’t looking good for you. Ryan: *laughs* They’re not? Matt: …no… Matt: Let’s play this one short. Matt: Let’s play short. Matt: Ryan! You’re s- Ryan: What’re you doin’? Matt: I said let’s play it short for fun, and you still wanted to play it tall! Ryan: Yeah, that’s the point of the game Matt: Let’s play this next one short. Ryan: Why? Because you’re losing and you don’t wanna lose anymore? Matt: No! Look, it’s gunna be even next time. It’s at zero-zero, let’s play short for one round. It’d be fun. Ryan: Are we only allowed to move the head? Matt: Well, yeah. With the head. Matt: Ha HA. Matt: HEY! What-! Matt: So…I guess you can push it through the net? Ryan: Yeah. Matt: Ah, shit. Ryan: There it goes. Matt: Ah, God damnit. Matt: That SUCKS, Ryan, why would you wanna play short?
Ryan: *moaning* I’m the winner! Matt: Hey, stop-you’re getting bigger, you cheater!! Matt: No, that was only the first round- Ryan: CHEATER! Now, I’m not following your rules anymore. Matt: I said for one round, let’s play it short. That was one round. Flashback Matt: Play short. Just for one round. It’d be fun. Ryan: *whines girlishly* Matt: Oh! Oh! *random grunting from both parties* Ryan: My spots are better than your spots. Matt: No they’re not…stop… Ryan: My spots are more… Matt: They’re the same spots, Ryan. Ryan: No, they’re not! Matt: Stop trying to put me down, dude. Matt: They’re the exact same spots! Matt: God… *soft gasp from Ryan* Matt: I feel like this game would be a lot more successful if they added more backgrounds and achievements…or like different giraffe skins and stuff. I think it’d be a lot more fun. A lot more, uh… Ryan: I’d play WAY more often. Matt: If they made this into a mobile app, and they added more backgrounds and you could play with friends and stuff… Ryan: We are playing with friends. We’re playing with each other. Matt: Yeah, but I mean you could play with friends wirelessly. Ryan: Oh, you mean like ACTUAL real friends. Matt: Or like a CPU or something, it’d be fun- wait, wut. Ryan: NOOOOOOOO it goes too far, it’s not fair!! Matt: Ryan, play with the funny giraffe ball! Ryan: This is what they sound like. This is all I picture these giraffes sound like. *nasally whine* Oh, PLEASE, over here. Matt: *nasally whine* Oh come on! I throw the ball to you! [straight up sex noises from Ryan] Ryan: Ohh GOD that ball is so fuckin’ big! Matt: *normal voice* Oh, fuck. Ryan: *normal voice* Uh-oh. Matt: I got it, I’m good. Ryan: Oh! Ryan: Do ya got it? Matt: It’s hard when it gets stuck in a corner, I saw you fffUH! Ryan: *nasally whine* Goal. Matt: *whines at Ryan* Ryan: *whines at Matt* Ryan: Man is this game a triumph of game physics. Matt: This is EPIC. Ryan: *whines sexually* Ryan: No! Matt: I hit your little white ball, Ryan. Ryan: You’re using a cheat code! Matt: You’re cheating, you’re cheating! Matt: Back when you were a kid, you’d be playing, like, a game with someone you’re winning, they’d accuse you of cheating somehow. Fuck! Ryan: I had a kid at a birthday party that with War of the Monsters he’d accuse all of us of cheating because he kept losing and he ripped the PlayStation 2 from the wall. Matt: What?! Ryan: Yeah. Matt: Just because he was losing? Ryan: Yeah. Matt: What a piece of shit! Ryan: And…we called his parents. And…they came to pick him up. And before all this happened- There you go. I wasn’t paying attention. There you go. There’s a point. Matt: Keep telling your story, it’s a good one. Ryan: Uh, he dressed up in a dinosaur costume for no reason- Matt: Does this kid have somethin’ wrong with him? Ryan: I think he did. Matt: See, most normal kids don’t just, when they lose the game, rip the PlayStation outta the wall. Ryan: No, but I’ve gotten really mad at video games before. There was this one time where my Grand Theft Auto 4 save froze in the middle of a very important mission that took me forever. Matt: That sucks. Ryan: And so I hit the top of it, and punched it really hard and the disc scratched. Ryan: Like, really bad. Like, it was a perfect circle scratch. Matt: I had a friend when I was a kid…like, if he’d be losing he’d just turn off the console. I’d be like- *sputters in frustration* Ryan: *laughs* Really? Matt: Yeah! And I had another friend, in middle school, that-what the hell?? Ryan: You got it, Matt. You got it. Come on, Matt. Matt: There we go. Ryan: There! Matt: We were playing Guitar Hero, and he couldn’t get his guitar for the Wii…he couldn’t get it to, uhhhh, sync up with the Wii. And he got furious and just like, threw it into the wall and was like “FUCK!!!” and went in to his room. And that was the first time I’d ever heard any of my friends say the f-word. I freaked out. I was like-*soft gasp* And I thought he was joking at first, so then I went into his room, and he was crying. And then ANOTHER time- Ryan: Fuck! Matt: Same friend, we were playing Rock Band. I smacked him in the back with a drumstick, in like a joking way…he just started crying. Like- *imitates crying* Just really hard, on the spot. I was like… I was kinda traumatized. I was like, “Oh my God!!”. NO! GOD DAMNIT!! Ryan: *laughs* I cheated!! Matt: Cheater cheater, pumpkin eater!
Ryan: *chanting* Cheating! Cheating! Cheating! You GOTTA love cheating, Matt. It’s how real men win games. Matt: And it’s also how real men win women. Ha HA. Ryan: Yup. Matt: Nothin’ wrong with a little cheating on your spouse here and there, am I right? Ryan: Not at all. [more grunting] Ryan: OH! Whatcha gunna do now?! Matt: Whatcha gunna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? Gimme a kiss, gimme a kiss. [smooches] Ryan: Well. There you go. Matt: Ryan, I might win this one. If I win this one, I’m gunna cut out ALL of the other ones and just only upload this ONE. Ryan: …that makes sense. Matt: What if we played a bunch of rounds and you watch the video and I only uploaded the ones that I won? Which is…one of them? Ryan: That would just be so shitty. None of them, so far. Matt: Mmmm you don’t know THAT. There we go! Thank God we just started the Let’s Play! Ryan: It’s just like you to get all pompous and stuff when you win ONE. Matt: I’m winning! Ryan: *mockingly* I just need to prove that I can win ONCE! Matt: Look at me win, Ryan. Ha HA! Ryan: Are you puttin’ in cheat codes? Matt: Dude- Ryan: Star star stAR STAR STAR!! Matt: I went to the Scholastic book fair and I got myself one of those books of cheat codes. Ryan: I used to have those. Matt: Remember like, in elementary school they’d have the book fairs- Ryan: Oh yeah.
Matt: -and they’d have the big book of cheat codes for like, PlayStation One and- FUCK! Ryan: *In high pitch voice* Woah Woah Woah Ryan: *Still in high voice* Drop de ball on me!
(In normal voice) I used to uh, use those cheat codes back in the day. Ahhhh. Matt: Wow, Ryan uh…well you know, cheaters never actually win. That’s the thing. Ryan: Oh, but they do. Matt: I hate that saying. It’s like, “Cheaters never win.” Both: Yeah, they do. Ryan: They cheat, so they win. What are you talking about? Matt: Ther-the…the…they do win it’s like Matt: Well the moral of the story is that they don’t actually win, Matt: because they’re cheating.
Ryan: Cheating’s just a term that used… Ryan…that like fucking losers use to describe winners.
Matt: Fuck! Matt: Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater! Ryan: Oh you’ve got to suck my wiener!
Matt: Oh, hey, hey, hey Matt: Come over here, I suck your wiener! Ryan: That’s what uhhh my step brother used to say. Matt: Tch, what? Ryan: Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater now you have to suck my wiener.
Matt: Oh! Matt: I thought you were just saying like yeah my step brother used to be like suck my wiener! Ryan: Hm.
Matt: Yeah, ok man. Ryan: I don’t know why I brought him up. Ryan: I don’t, taught
Matt: I don’t know what kind of relationship you got with you’re step brother but Ryan: Uh, no relationship. Matt: Oh.
Ryan: *chuckles* Matt: I got a pretty good relationship with your step brother.
Ryan: There’s the fun happy fact of the day. Matt: *laughs* Ryan: Goddamnit Ryan: Tank you, tank you so much. Matt: Mkay, here it, here it comes.
Ryan: Ho! Matt: Ohh Matt: A chicken! Matt: FUCK!
Ryan: Yay! Matt: This is, this is a close match. Ryan: Winner takes all? Is it up to five or what? Matt: Yeah, it’s five. Ryan: Look at me. Ryan: I’m fucking psyching you out dude. Matt: Umm. Ryan: Oh so it’s gonna go in, ok just gotta,
Matt: Hmmm Matt: *in weird voice* I’ve got to hit the ball! Hit the ball over here please! Ryan: I’ve gotta really work it! Matt: Oooo
Ryan: Fuck. Matt: Come on just come and give me a kiss! Ryan: Aw, it’s gonna be stuck here, isn’t it? Both: NOOOOOO! Ryan: Damnit! You won. Ryan: You one that one. Matt: Good job, dude. You know what, good game. Give me a high-five. Ryan: Whoo!
Matt: Give me a handshake, give me a handshake. Ryan: Handshake.
Matt: Alright, good game. Ryan: We’re actually shaking hands. Matt: Yeah we were really shaking hands. Ryan: Uh. Matt: Anyways guys, that was uhh some fun giraffe stuff. Matt: So if you liked it, hit the subscribe button. And… Ryan: Recognize Matt as the sole loser for the game. Matt: Well, look who won in the end, that’s all that matters Ryan. You know like in a rap battle. Whoever has the last word always seems like the winner so Hmm, I guess uhh looks like I won this one. Ryan: Word. Matt: Nope, I won,
Ryan: Last word.
Matt: I won! Ryan: Matt sucks.
Matt: STOP!

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