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Halloween Party | Award-Winning | Comedy Film | HD | Free Full Movie

Halloween Party | Award-Winning | Comedy Film | HD | Free Full Movie


(“Voodoo” by XX Bottom) ♪ Girl, it’s voodoo ♪ Between you and I ♪ See the full moon ♪ Shine in your eyes ♪ When you tell me
that you want me ♪ I turn into a zombie ♪ You got me, got me hypnotized ♪ By everything that you do ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, ah ♪ Oh child, it’s voodoo ♪ Whoa, whoa (blues music) – Perfect, and now for the test. (slow rock guitar music) Let’s go show Mommy, okay. (slow rock guitar music) – [Voiceover] What’s
up with these dishes? – I don’t know, look. – Hey Ben, do we have
to put this thing out? – Hey Sweetie, check
out my latest creation. – Whatcha do to her? – I want to keep an
eye out at the party. – So you wanna spy
on our friends? – Well, I mean, no,
we’re always so busy when we host these things that we always
forget what happens. – So you wanna spy
on our friends? – Basically. – I’m in. (car engine purrs) – Oh, is that the
little princess? (Ramani panting) – Well, it’s not
the monster preteen that lives at the
top of the stairs. – Hey! (water splashes) (groans) Erin, you comin’ to the party? – Ugh, I don’t know, I
don’t know what I wanna be. – But I made your costume. – Yeah, it’s a little too
on-the-nose, don’t you think? All right, who’s coming? – Um, okay, Rick from
the French restaurant. – He’s married. – Hey Charly, Grace! – [Both] Hey! – Well, at least she
communicates with someone. – [Daughter] Shut up, Mom! – Mm, the light, the love,
the power, the presence. – Oh, don’t worry Jules,
it’s just a phase. – Hey, gorgeous. – Hey, ladies. – Oh, let me see Ramani. – [Jules] Hey, how about Louie? – Cabrera? – Yeah! – Oh God, I dated
him six months ago. – And? – And I’m not coming. – Ugh! – So, you comin’ to the party? – Is Donny going to be there? – Uh, no, he’s taking his
nephew trick-or-treating. – Right, right, I
gotta go, so, uh. (smacks lips) – Party starts at eight. – [Erin] Yep. (engine revs) – Bye, Erin. – Oh, plenty of food and
drink if you have a costume. (bird chirps) (garage door clangs) (“What I Expected” by
Analogue Revolution) (doorbell rings) – Haha, my man! – [Ben] Hey! – Oh, dude. – Oh, whoops, sorry about that. I just finished with a patient. – Bro, that’s sick,
even for me, asswipe. – Mm, I know. Hey, nice costume,
and finally an excuse not to shave your back. – You know what, I shaved
something else instead, just for you tonight. I love you. Oh hey, oh, is Erin here? – Would I leave my guy hangin’? I took care of it. – All right, my boy, other hand. – Yes, other hand. – [Werewolf] Yes! – You don’t have rabies, do you? – [Werewolf] You know
what, I do, actually. – Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute there,
wait a minute there. Elvis in the house. – Oh, Elvis again. – Yes, I’m bein’ Elvis again. So stop bein’ nothin’ but
an asshole, all right, man? – You’ve been dressing as that
since we were 12 years old. – Lighten up, it’s the
only time I get laid. Haven’t had a job in
seven months, you prick. (heels clicking) – David, don’t you dare leave me with those people like
you did last year. – I didn’t leave you, Angela. You got upset because you saw someone else
wearing your costume, and you stormed out. – Yeah, well no chance of
that this year, is there? – So much for leaving
things to the imagination. Hey, hey, hey. (knocks) ♪ Music the lights the
music all the alcohol ♪ – Somebody call for a stripper? – Two houses down, blind guy. – Pff, huh, right. – You got a bar? – [Ben] Is the Love Doctor in? – I’m not into that
kind of love, buddy. – [Ben] It was a
rhetorical question. Ah, scariest costume
I’ve seen all night. – Oh, Dr. Ben Dover. – [Ben] Mr. President. – [Obama] How you doing? – [Ben] Big fan. – [Obama] Good to see you. – Hello, Mr. Host. – [Ben] Big fan of both of you. – [Kennedy] Well, thank you. – [Ben] Aw, this guy. – Richard Pryor’s mother
ran a whore house. Anyhow, that’s where he
got the show business bug. – [Ben] Hey great, you are here! Good to see you. Thank you, glad
you could make it. – I don’t know, Jule. So far it’s all couples
and one wolf dude. I’m goin’ home. – [Jule] There’s gonna
be a lot of people here. You’ll meet somebody new. – Oh, well there’s a
homeless guy in the alley, maybe I should just bring
him for my date, huh? Well, I mean, what would
you look for in a guy? – I’d look for the huge bulge. (whip cracks) It’s where he keeps his wallet! (hisses) – [Ben] D. W. Griffith? – [Man In Black Hat]
Hamlet, just make sure that you’re facing forward. – I am Cecil B. DeMille. – Okay. – D. W. Griffith is a whore. – Now here’s how I see it, okay? So I’ve got cameras all
around this place, okay? So, I wanna catch the things
that other people will miss. Now, there are still
gonna be gaps, right. And that’s where you come in. I want you to film the gaps. I want you to film. Pretend that you’re filming but actually really be filming. – Ah, so cinema verite verite. – Nice outfit. – Oh, thanks. – It’s not working, is it? – Oh no, it works. – No, uh, the outfit. – Oh, it’s that obvious, is it? (chuckles) – Hey, come up, you’re
missing all the fun. – Ham it up of course, because people will be,
you know, uninhibited. If they think
you’re a character, they’re gonna play along,
but I want some dirt. (Cecil laughs) Can you do that for me? – Do you understand
who you’re talking to? I’m Cecil B. DeMille, the
most nuanced subtle director in the history of Hollywood. – So, ah, where’s your date? – Don’t need one. Where’s yours? – That’s a long, long story. So, you from around here? – Um, just up the
street a little bit. – Oh, last minute costume? – Works for me. – I’m coming, I’ll
be right there. Oh, I don’t know. Okay, I’ll be right there. (howls) – There’s that little cougar. Come on up here, Erin, yeah! – God, I do not believe this. Here, come with me. Do not look up. Just come with me. Don’t look up. Just come. – Anyway, I get final cut. – That’s the deal? – Of course, that’s the deal. – [Man In Black Hat] Of course. – All right. – [Cecil] Thank you so much. – [Ben] Thank you very much. – [Main In Black Hat] He
seemed like a nice guy. – [Cecil] Man’s a fuckin’ moron. Final cut, my middle
name is Final Cut, Cecil B. Final Cut DeMille. – Nice touch to the costume, entering through
the alley, genuine. – Ooh, uh, gee, maybe
you didn’t have to be so authentic with the smell. – Well, I take Halloween
very seriously. (whistle shrills) – Jesus, have you seen Moses? I’ve got a film to
finish, for God’s sakes. – No, but let me know
if you need a stand-in. I could totally do
Moses, dude, all right. (“Read the Book” by Donna
Britton and C. J. Watson) ♪ Some people just look evil ♪ I guess I’m one of those – You invited Donny? – Oh, hi. Uh, yeah, no, don’t look at me. I thought Donny was
trick-or-treating
with his nephews. – Hey, have you
met the dominatrix? – That’s exactly right. It was my husband. – He’s a schemer. – I know he is. (water running) ♪ Some women might
seem distant ♪ – Yeah, come to the
party alone, I see, huh? Nice, should have
called me back. Could have hit the
carpool lane, huh, yeah. By the way, a
little secret here, I’ve already gotten
off twice tonight. Play your cards
right, go for a third. (Donny chuckles) Shit, yeah. (spray hisses) That is hot, by the way, too, really hot, like
tits up, all the way. You don’t need the, uh,
tool to find this stud. ♪ You gotta read the book – What does that mean? What’s that? – Red means stop, really. – This will be the
greatest show on Earth! – [Donny] Hell yes,
it will, my man. Cheers to that, yeah. – Here you go, sweetie. – [Erin] Oh thank
you so much, honey. – Who’s sweetie, what? Who says that, kiss ass? – Thank you for rescuing me. – My pleasure. – What’s that smell? It’s weird. It’s like, I guess it’s like
Julie’s burning her floral incense or something. I don’t know. – Yeah, I think it is. – You smell it, you smell it? – Yeah, I do. – Oh, that’s cool. (Erin sighs) So do you think
that JFK was killed over, like, the
whole Marilyn thing? – You know, between
the Bay of Pigs and the Cuban missile crisis, maybe it was Hoover that
had him assassinated. – Hoover? I loved my Hoover,
best vacuum ever! (glasses clink) – You said it, girl. Preach it! (both laugh) All right, I’m gonna go party. (lips smack) Thanks for the drink, hon. (engine rumbles) ♪ I’m gonna have to read
it with my fingertips ♪ (quirky music) – You can’t park here. – I just did. – You’re such an ass. – Listen, there’s enough room
for other cars to drive by. – I don’t know why you
had to start drinking two hours before
we even got here. – Do you wanna know why? Because I had to spend
one hour with you in this car on the drive over. Most importantly,
tonight is my night off, and I’ll do whatever I want. – You act like you
have it so bad with me. – Listen, just do me a favor. For one night, just
one night, lay off. That’s all I ask, one night. – Get off me, you’re gonna
rip my dress, you idiot. – I bought it. (“Time to Kill” by
Danielle French) – Somethin’ extra. There you go. – Thank you. – And one more. – I like my powder in a line,
if you know what I’m sayin’. (sniffs) – Who needs eHarmony when
the Love Doctor is here? – Thanks. – All right, so, uh, what’s
your poison, Mason, right? – Yes, how about
just a glass of red? – Ah, can I interest
you in a glass of the Chateau du Vampire? – Sounds bloody interesting. By the way, you have some
amazing pieces of art in here. – Hmm, well, you know, some men stalk and kill animals for fun. I hunt art for the thrill
of falling in love with it. And then I sell it
for a higher profit. (chuckles) Oh, Donny boy,
have you met Mason? – Dude, there are,
yeah, whatever. There are some
hotties in this house. Have you seen that? – Oh yeah, yeah. – That devil has no
underwear on, yeah. – That’s interesting. – Oh yeah, I know. – [Ben] Oh, yeah. – I was like, dying. Look, look, look,
the legs are open. – All right, all right. – Wow, is that a Steuben Glass? – Hey, are you kidding me? Stupid glass? You always make a
habit of putting down people’s trinkets and
dust collections, hippie? – Peace, my heinous brother. – Yeah, peace. – Okay, listen,
take the hair out of your ears, okay,
S-T-E-U-B-E-N. And yes, this is
no trinket, okay. This piece was handcrafted
in the early 19th Century. – How do you know that? – That is an expensive piece. – Are you just rambling or do you know what
you’re talking about? Seriously, this guy is an idiot. – Wow, he’s a friendly guy. – Yes, uh, Donny is a
hunter, not a lover. And you, my new friend,
happen to be the lucky guy that’s standing between
him and his prey, tonight. – Yikes, I’ll watch myself. – Yeah. – Thank you. (doorbell rings) – [Both] Hey hey! – The happy couple’s
finally arrived. – Now that’s a tree
I’d like to climb! (laughs) – Ah, the Brady Bunch,
without the bunch. – Hi. – Hey, it’s my favorite couple. – [Wench] Hi. (Erin laughs) – [Erin] Hi. – [Wench] Wpw, what the
heck are you supposed to be? (laughs) – She’s a stud finder. Look no further, beautiful. (grunts) – Wow, um, I think your
sword is stabbing me. – [Pirate] Okay. – Down boy, I need
a drink, woof! – Hey, take note of
what my connections at Warner Bros. got us. – Oh, is that where
those rags came from? – This is an
authentic costume worn in Pirates of the
Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. – [Julie] Woo-hoo. – Uh-huh, remember
the scene on the ship with, like, hundreds
of pirates fighting? Come on, I can not
be the only one paying attention
to these things. – Yeah, well, don’t lawyers
always pay attention to the pointless,
trivial details? – The skinny guy,
that got stabbed through the eye by Johnny Depp? – It’s the skinny guy costume? – No, no, the skinny pirate
fell on top of another pirate that has a
sword in his back. That’s the costume. – Oh, of course. – Now, do you have
any drinkable Scotch, or should I drink
from my string bag? – Hey, you know what,
I’m not even trying to keep up with you, Jones. (laughs) Have at it. So, how are the girls? – Oh, they’re magnificent. – Oh great. – Oh, Elizabeth just won her third straight
regional championship. She’s headed straight for
Miss California, I’m sure. And she’s only 17. (chuckles) – Oh yeah. – And Catherine, well,
you may have heard that Catherine is the
new Miss Orange County. We’re so proud. And Constance, well,
she was just voted her school’s homecoming queen. I mean, she says she’s not
really the pageant type, but apparently the student
body thinks otherwise. (giggles) And the twins, they just entered their very first
pageant and get this. The judges had to declare a tie, because they couldn’t
choose between them. (giggles) Isn’t that funny? – Oh! (laughs) (coughs) – So how’s Megan? – Well, between you and me, she’s just as
possessed as usual. (growls demonically) ♪ I’m gonna get you back (doorbell rings) – Am I in the right place? – Of course, you are. – [Dominatrix] That was
so much fun, my God. – [Bride] I know. – [Cop] Can I borrow
these sometime? Come on, more, more, come on. – [Dominatrix] Whoa! Just tender, just tender. – [Cop] What do you think? – [Dominatrix] That
looks good on you. It matches your uniform. – [Bride] Oh my gosh. – [Cop] Oh come on, do
it like you mean it, like you mean it. (slaps) Oh yeah, oh yeah! – [Dominatrix] Thinks it’s
gonna get real romantic, you turn on and you’re like,
(fingers snap) on the dime. And you make him behave. Take those five fingers. – [Bride] I’m gonna
give you ’til you – [Cop] Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on. – [Dominatrix] Bad
boy, bad boy, bad boy. Get him, push him
down, push him down. (doorbell) ♪ I’m just a preacher
of crystal and love ♪ – [Ben] Bill, hey, I see
you went all out this year. – [Bill] Well, you know it’s
all in the presentation. – Oh, TMI, TMI, TMI, TMI! – You know, you
better slow it down. You’re gonna be on your face and embarrass the
hell out of me. – Woman, I plan on breaking
the fun barrier tonight, and unless you
plan on joining me, you need to lay the fuck off. – [Angela] Ooh, love birds,
are you having fun yet? – Yeah, baby. – You’ve gotta
dance with me, baby. – Let’s do it, come on, yeah. – Come on, woo! – [Pirate] It’s
me and you, yeah. – Doesn’t it bother you that
your wife is practically naked? – Hell no, that’s when
I love her the most. ♪ Tell the truth it didn’t
used to bother me much ♪ (doorbell rings) – [Jules] Oh! – [Cave Girl] Hey! – [Naughty Nurse] Hey, Jules. – Hi. – So, what are you? Phantom of the Forest? – Oh, cute. (chuckles) – A pretty phantom. – Oh, thank you, Nurse. – I need a drink. – Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. – [All] Hey! – It’s the sexy Cave
Girl and the Naughties. – When are you gonna take us
out on that huge boat of yours? – Yacht. – Yeah, yacht. Just give me the magic word. – [All] Word! (pirate growls) – The man is there, let’s go. (girls laugh) ♪ I took it all in stride ♪ But it got me in hot water ♪ My little voodoo doll ♪ My little – You ever notice that
lesbians in real life don’t look anything
like lesbians in porn? That’s such a rip-off. – Hey, Julie, you don’t mind if I use your
master bath, do you? Someone’s in there. – Yeah, sure, you
know where it is. – Okay. – What I’ve crossed
out, I didn’t like. What I didn’t cross out,
I am dissatisfied with. – Cecil, can you give
my guests a break, man. – I’m an artist. Ask your husband. – Whoa, Angela! Oh, sorry, I thought
you were someone else. Continue. (bells jingle) – [Fortune Teller] You here
for your reading, Mrs., uh– – No, I don’t really
believe in all that stuff. – Well, of course you
don’t, but it’s Halloween. Sit down! – All right. – So whatta you wanna know? – I wanna know if my
husband’s cheating on me. (fortune teller scoffs) – You really wanna know, hmm? Fine, fine. (doorbell rings) – [Kid] Trick or treat. – [Both] Crayons, not candy. – [Kid] Gee, what did I
ever do to deserve this? – [Red Crayon Girl] Thank
you, you’re welcome. – [Green Crayon Girl]
You get what you get. – [Red Crayon Girl] Brat. (mysterious music) – Oh my. – I knew it. (Wench groans) – Not so fast, I see a
lot of young women around. – Yeah, the sorority girls, God. No, no, no, no,
these young ladies happen to look a lot like you. Do you have children,
five, to be exact? – Yeah. – Well, that explains one group. – One group, how many
groups are there? – Well, there’s uh, and um. (stammers) – Oh, this is ridiculous. He’s a lying cheat. I knew it. – Can ya blame him? Oy! (heels clacking) ♪ We can, we can party ♪ We can, we can party ♪ All night, all
night, all night ♪ Party, party – Cole, you son of a bitch! I knew it! After 20 years of marriage,
and I find out this way? – [Cole] Gee! – I knew it, all the
late nights at work, all the pro bono work
at the sorority house. You motherfucker, I knew it! – [Cole] All right, come on. – Cut, I need more
drama, dig deeper. – Was I talkin’
to you, bug eyes? How many times has it been? Has there ever been a time that
you’ve been faithful to me? ♪ Feel the rhythm – Hey. – Oh, vegetarian? – Oh, no, I can’t seem to
stay away from the seafood. You? – Well I used to be. – Really, it’s not very often that somebody who has
a healthy lifestyle goes in the opposite direction. – Well, I guess you could
say I’m kind of a forager. Have you ever heard of
the paleolithic diet? – Sounds prehistoric. – Little bit, little bit. It’s also referred to as
the hunter-gatherer diet, and for us romantics,
the Adam and Eve diet. – Mm. – Early man had
very few choices. – [Mammo Guy] Early man
only needed one choice. – Whoa, is that a C-cup? (chuckles) – [Mammo Guy] You know,
actually, it looks that way. – I’m gonna leave
you guys to it. – [Mammo Guy] What,
something I said? (grunts) Hey, there’s my camera, cool. Excellent, guys, let
me get your picture. Hang on, hang on. That looks that’s cool, far out. – What do you think
of the homeless guy? – He smells kinda funny. – He’s in character. – Really? Okay, let me get this straight. You’re going to a party. You’re getting ready, and
you think to yourself, “Why not just rub
some garbage on me, “that’ll really get
the ladies going.” – [All] No. – Do you, do you think
he’s really homeless? – Did you ask him
where he lives, what
he does for a living, what kind of car he drives? – Uh, no, because
I’m not shallow, and we’ve been having deeper
conversations that that. – Erin, I’m gonna go
out on a limb here, but I think that you might
be hitting the bottom. – Yeah. (chuckles) – Okay, so who do you suggest? I mean, we got Zeus,
the guy with the hair, and we got the Pope. – Um, what about
the prison inmates? – Gay. – Obama? – Married to Palin. – [Cave Girl] What
about the Grim Reaper? – Oh, no no, no no, no no,
I dated him like a year ago. He left me feeling dead inside. – The Mammogram Guy. – Oh! – [Naughty Maid] What? (nurse scoffs) After a couple
cocktails, who cares? ♪ Just when I was thinkin’
I was all out of love ♪ (Zeus beeps) – Hey, lucky lady, I think you
just found yourself a stud. Do you think your tools
are right for the job? – Um, no, bye bye. – [Zeus] Dance with me, baby. (laughs) Come on, one dance. (grunts) – You know, I was just
about to ask you to dance, but it looks like you
beat me to the punch. – I’m sorry, I
promised someone else. But maybe later? – Sure. ♪ Just make it easy ♪ Come on honey just
give me your hand ♪ I wanna, I wanna turn you on ♪ You’ve gotta way of stealing – Hey, Jimmy – Yes? – What do you think of this
one we just arrested there? Ain’t she a saucy little tart? – Oh yes, yes she is, uh, ooh. – I like the school
girl outfit there. That’s quite nice,
and the fishnets, that’s really quite sexy. – Why is she wearing your hat? – I don’t know. Why are you wearing
my hat, young lady? – Give him his hat back. – Because the cop said so. – The cop? Who’s the cop? (both cops scream) ♪ You’re a big time superstar (camera clicking) ♪ Strike a pose in still frame ♪ Show it all and sure
to blow your mind ♪ (Ramani panting) ♪ Make a splash
with a new name ♪ (camera clicking) ♪ Talk trash and be
sure to take your time ♪ (camera clicking) (Ramani panting) ♪ Flash, show ’em
who you really are ♪ Flash, you’re a
big-time superstar ♪ (camera clicking) ♪ Flash – Where is the
enlightened woman? – She was just
here a minute ago. – Oh wow, that’s so convenient. Maybe, she wasn’t even here? – No, she was, and she
was very authentic. – You’re late for your reading. – Oh, pardon me. – No, please, sit. May I see your hand? You are gonna make
a huge difference. – Sometimes I wonder. – You’re human, it’s natural. Don’t walk away from your plan. – It just seems so far away. Maybe it’s for
the wrong reasons. I don’t know. – No one needs to know
why you made the choices that you made. There will always be
doubts along the way. Again, it’s natural. You set things into
motion, despite your doubt, and you learn to trust
what you set into motion. Can I continue? – Tell me about the stud finder. – She has a good soul. Lost, she has baggage,
but then again, don’t we all? (sentimental music) They miss you. You do know that? (necklace rattles) (sighs) – Thank you. – You must not deviate. Many lives depend on it. (upbeat music) (doorbell rings) – [Kids] Trick or treat? – [Ben] Oh, you look so cute. – [Princess] Thank you. – [Ben] You know, I don’t
have candy right now. But you know what? I can write you a prescription. You guys look like you
have, uh, ADD or ADHD, How ’bout some, uh, Ritalin? Or Percocet? Um, what do you think? – Got any Vicodin? – Perfect, excellent. Doctors signature,
and here you go. Enjoy. – [Both] Thanks. – Honey, I’m looking for a CEO, and there’s not
one at this party. And the whole costume
thing is fucking with me. I can’t tell who’s who. – There is not enough
liquor in this place to get me to stay here. – You guys, I am
not going anywhere, because Erin has
just informed me that Mr. Donny apparently is
very, very well hung. And I find him kind
of attractive now. (laughs) – [Naughty Maid] Nice! – [Naughty Nurse] Oh my
god, shut the fuck up! – So, I think that
we can just hang out just a little bit longer. – [Naughty Nurse] Okay,
I’ll be your wing girl. – Okay! – You know, I saw Jesus
doing the singer/songwriter folksy thing at the coffee
shop, the other day. He’s not bad. – Go for it. ♪ Turn out the light (doorbell rings) – [Ben] I love his cooking. – [Julie] Oh, hi! – Trick or treat! – [Ben] Hey, finally! – How are you? – [Mermaid] Happy
Halloween, ha ha! – [Ben] Oh you didn’t
have to, thanks! – [Mermaid] It’s so
great to see you! – We’re so glad to see you. You look great. – [Mermaid] You look fantastic. – Thanks. – How’s the little punky? – Oh well, she’s not
so little any more. Yeah, we now refer
to her as Teenzilla. (Mermaid laughs) – That sweet little thing? – Well, little and fifteen
are two different words. – [Mermaid] Oh my. – Basically, she’s an alien trying to suck out
our life force. (all laughs) – It’s true, although
Halloween is like her perfect holiday,
because when it’s over, we hope she goes back to
her sweet little self. – Oh you guys are too much. (Julie laughs) So where’s the little angel so we can see her for ourselves? – Have you had
your shots lately? – [Shark Victim] Um. (all laugh) – Okay, well just don’t
say we didn’t warn you. – [Mermaid] Okay. – She’s tricky. – [Mermaid] All right. – Well, okay, two flights
up, end of the hall, Do Not Disturb sign on the door, and that is for your protection. – Oh my gosh, are you ready? – You go first. – Okay, here we go. – Swim on up. – Thanks. – We’ll see you in a bit. – [Ben] All right. – [Mermaid] See you in a bit. – I don’t know, honey,
maybe we should have just shown them
a recent picture? – Oh yeah. (laughs) ♪ Bring on the night ♪ I am a creature baby ♪ Wanna sink my teeth into you ♪ I know you want me to – What the fuck? – What? – No, you are
treating me like shit. Stop doing that, okay? – I am not treating
you like shit. – No, you’re treating
me like shit. – I just want a husband
that respects me. – What the fuck! – We have a problem
in sector nine. – What’s goin’ on? – Watch. (Julie chuckles) – [Julie] Well, looks
like big fancy cars and expensive homes
aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, huh? – And don’t forget
about the boob job. (Julie groans) – [Julie] Oh man,
I knew something was goin’ on with those guys. – Yeah, well, not
everyone can be as disgustingly yummy as we are. – Aw! (lips smack) I don’t know. I’m still worried about Meg. I mean, she didn’t wanna
go to Gram’s tonight. – Well, I don’t blame her. – But then she didn’t want to
go to her friend’s, either. – Well, obviously, she
likes torturing us. – I am serious. – I know, sweetie,
I know, it’s just, I don’t know, maybe we
need some alone time? You know, get out of Dodge. – [Naughty Maid]
Great Halloween party. – [Donny] I can actually
put my scratch marks over each and every
one of your backs. (women gasp) Same time, yeah, yeah. – Wow! – [Donny] I can, I can. – Talent. – Donny, there’s a spider. (screams hysterically) – Ben, there’s a spider,
do something, kill it. – [Donny] Oh, fuck! Guys, guys, guys, guys,
guys, stop, stop, stop. – I am not touching it. (Julie laughs) – Calm down, ladies. – Oh, it’s a big one, it’s a
red one, it’s got eight legs. – Oh my God! – Oh, who’s the
real terror here? (women squeal) – Oh God! No, no, no, no, no. – [Cave Girl] Get rid of it! – Happy Halloween, girls. – Fuck that, oh, fuck. – Come on now my friend,
you belong upstairs. – That is so gross! – You’re disgusting! Get away! (rock music) – [Cole] Hi, hi, how are you? – [Devil] Hi. – [Cole] Meet my wife. – [Devil] Hi,
you’re very pretty. – [Red Wig] Ooh, nice
to meet you, wifey. Well, we’re lookin’ for someone for, like, a little threesome. – [Cole] You want a threesome? – [Devil] Yeah, we’re definitely
looking for a threesome. – [Cole] Hello! – [Wench] Great. – [Devil And Red Wig]
No, no, no, no, no, no. – [Devil] Definitely not you. – [Red Wig] Wifey,
we’ll take her, though. – [Devil] We can always use her. – [Red Wig] Did you
have something to drink? – [Wench] Not nearly
enough for this situation. – Are you freaking kidding me? – [Red Wig] Bye! – Dude, you’re gonna
give someone a seizure
with that thing. Turn it off, please. – [Ben] No, he’s here tonight. – Who? – [Ben] Jesus. – Oh yeah, want to make
him a Bloody Mary, huh. (howls) (Ben laughs) My boy! – [Ben] I don’t get it. – Of course, you don’t, anyway. – [Ben] Can I get you anything? – You know what, actually, what? Are you actually
taping everybody,
everything here tonight? – [Ben] Of course, what’s
the point of having top of the line video equipment
if you don’t use it to violate the civil rights
of your closest friends? – My violatin’ brother,
oh, wait a minute! Why don’t you put one of
those in Megan’s room? See what teens are
up to these days. – [Ben] Oh no, no, hell, no,
I will not invade her privacy. – What do you mean oh no no? Yes, yes, yes, you think
she’s in her room right now painting her nails,
slapping on silly bands? Shit no, man, she’s
out the window. I promise you, trust me. – [Ben] Did they brainwash
you at the mall cop academy? – I’m just playing. Well, anyway, let me
see the tape a minute. Let me see that, come on. – [Ben] No, no, no,
maybe later, maybe later. – I just wanna see some footage. – Dr. Ben, come dance with me – [Donny] The devil
does it again. Okay, I got you. Ooh, hey, ladies. – [Naughty Nurse] Hey. – Sexy devil. Wow. – [Ben] Yeah, huh? – Okay, I’m all in. Unless Congress objects,
in which case, I’m out. – Sweetie, can I have
the black Amex card? – [Palin] Oh! (Kennedy growls) – And that includes
frequent flyer miles. – Ooh, seems like
the gloves are off. Well, I think I’m
gonna throw a couple of carrots into this stew. Yes, oh, I left those at home. Well, what the hell? How about two weeks
in our summer home
at Martha’s Vineyard? – A month! – A month? (laughs) All right, done. – 1,000 shares of
stock in Netflix. (woman laughs) – [Both] No, no, no, no. – Okay, Google. – What the hell you
guys doing down here? – Oh, run along, Teen Wolf. Adults are playing. – Okay, aren’t you
gonna help me get rid of that homeless guy upstairs? – [All] No! – [Blonde Woman] Go! – [Donny] What? (devil woman laughs) – [Devil Woman] Come on, girls. – Shit! – [Devil Woman] Let’s go party. – Yes. (grunts) Hotties from hell. Yes. They’re gonna help, watch this. – Hello, everyone. Ah, where were we? I see a bar in my future. Call. – [All] What the hell? – My house, my rules. (doorbell rings) – [Kids] Trick or treat! – [Wench] Oh great,
what do you got here? Like, a lame Indian princess
and a pudgy cheerleader. Happy Halloween, girls. – [Charly] Mason,
what a nice surprise. – [Grace] Hi, I didn’t
know you knew Ben or Julie. – Actually, we just met. Their friend Erin brought me. – [Both] Really? ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪ Kumbaya ♪ I don’t know the next words ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord (both laugh) – [Devil Man] Charly, Grace. – Will! – [Will] How are you guys? – [Devil Woman] Hi, guys! – [Charly] Speak of the devil. Will, Mason, Mason, Will. This is the man
I told you about. – Mason, right. I like that you’re
pushing your cause even on the holidays, subtle. (devil woman laughs) ♪ My eyes on you ♪ I’ve got my eyes on you,
I’ve got my eyes on you ♪ (camera clicking) ♪ I’ve got my eyes on you ♪ I’ve got my eyes on you,
I’ve got my eyes on you ♪ I can see everything you do ♪ Like a double agent,
I’m the suburban spy ♪ And you never cease to keep
entertained or surprised ♪ – [Naughty Maid] Erin
didn’t tell us she had such a cute boy toy. – Just hiding out, you know. – You know, speaking of
hairy, I have this fantasy that I’m– – Oh my God, do we have to
hear this one more time. – Yeah, we do, ’cause
I haven’t heard it. That’s why I’d
like to hear this. – Oh, but it– – Thank you! Anyway, I’m being
chased in the forest by this werewolf. (Donny gasps) And he’s so close to me,
I can feel breathing. – [Naughty Nurse] Okay. – [Donny] I could do that. – Last time, it was
a freaking Sasquatch. Make up your mind. – [Donny] We’re
the same species. – What’s the difference? They’re both hairy. – Ew! – [Ben] Donny. – Hey. – Hey, hey, sorry about earlier. – Not a good time. – Damn devils are everywhere. I brought you this. – What the fuck is that? – Oh yeah, oh yeah, mini
cameras, as you drink, they monitor
everyone around you. – [Donny] Dude, are you kidding? – I wouldn’t swallow. – [Naughty Nurse] Ingenious. – Oh, looks like one of
those fishing bobble dealies my daddy used to have. – [Donny] Well, that’s not
what I would have said, but– – I’m just kidding. I’m just joking with you. (laughs) They’re just novelty ice cubes. – Ha ha. – You should drink
it, though, you know, to help you take your
mind off of Erin. – Dude, I’ve got a
French maid, a cave girl and a naughty nurse. I’m on an up and
playing operation. Think about it. I don’t need this at all. (Ben chuckles) – Where’s that fortune
teller you guys hired? – [Ben] What fortune teller? – The one that’s sitting
upstairs in your bedroom telling me about this
lying, cheating asshole. – Well, keep it
up, and I’ll do it. – Oh really, fine, Casanova,
why don’t you go for it? – Fine, with pleasure. I’ll do it then. (Wench grunts) – [Donny] That’s
not stoppin’ him. – Hey, is that true? – There’s so much love. – [Dave] Angela, it’s great
to see you can do dishes! – [Angela] Yeah, I love
doin’ dishes, baby. You know that. – [Dave] Yeah, you like doing
dishes for everybody but me. – [Angela] Sure, you know
if you wash your mouth out with some soap, call me. – You know what? That would take
more soap than you ever held in front
of my sink, huh? – [Angela] How come you always
rag on my ass being weak? – [Shark Victim] Here we go. Oh, that must be it. – [Mermaid] Oh wow,
they’re so dark. – [Shark Victim] Yeah. (door knocks) (growls demonically) – [Mermaid] Punky! – [Shark Victim]
Megan, it’ s us. – [Mermaid] Hi. – [Shark Victim] Hey. – [Mermaid] It’s
Nathan and Lola. (door rattles loudly) (Lola gasps) What the? Ooh! – [Nathan] Ben! – [Lola] Julie! – [Nathan] Julie! – [Palin] Penny! – [Penny] Hey, Palin. – How’s it going? – [Penny] Good, I have
to say you are rockin’ the bikini tonight, eh. – Oh, thank you. – Fuckin’ did you upgrade, or what do ya got
going on in there? – Well, I kinda did. – You did! – Yeah, I have to tell you
about this new thing, kevlar. – You’re kidding, kevlar. – Yes, yes, yes. – Wow, they look so natural. – Yeah, well, you know,
you should check it out. – Really, they
look very natural. – Yeah, go ahead– (man grunts) – Oh! God! Oh! – [Penny] Jeez! – [Man In Black Hat] Sorry. (Palin grunts) (rock music) – [Julie] What? – No, no, come here, I
want to ask you something. – What? – I want to ask you something. (Julie gasps) – God, I hate that thing. – [Robot] I see
you’ve put on a– – That looks like your mother. – Oh that’s nice, honey. (robot laughs) – Bring her into the bedroom. – No more, no more. – No, no it just is who
is the fortune teller? – What are you talkin’ about? – There’s a woman in our
room giving out readings. (laughs) – Honey, you got to
lay off the drinks. – No, I’m serious. – Maybe you know this
mysterious woman. – No, no, no, no,
that’s not, I just had– – Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. – No, I’m the one who asked you! – I know, but what do you think? I’m up here conjuring up things. – Well, this isn’t the
work of my spirits. – Well, it’s none of my spells. (laughs) (child screams) Hey, stay out of the begonias! – Urchins! – Kids. (camera clicks) – Bunch of pervs. I should’ve just stayed home. – [Jesus] Ladies, I’m
glad you could join us in Jesus’ magic hot tub. – [Red Crayon] Us, too. – [Jesus] You’re smokin’. Halloween! (Jesus laughs) – I guess this is the month
we need to start mingling with the lowest
common denomination. – Well, that’s quite a
statement coming from a woman who puts lipstick on pit bulls. Come on, let’s get in. – Oh, I never did that. – Yeah, you did. Oh, but hi. Hi. – [Bride] Hi. – Hi, ladies. – [Red Crayon] Hi,
how’s it going? – Here’s some buttons. Give them to your family. – Thanks so much. Have fun. – [Obama] You guys
mind if we join you? – Thank you. – [Jesus] I don’t know
if there’s enough room for two parties in this Jacuzzi. Look at those ice cubes. You could start a fire. Whoa. – [Obama] Very funny. – [Jesus] Did you guys
bring your medicinal cards? ‘Cause this stuff
is highly regulated. – [Palin] Oh, I have
my campaign buttons. I’m sure that’s plenty. – [Obama] I’ve got
my birth certificate. That’s good for another
four years, I’d think. (chuckles) – Oh, Obama, look, I think
I can see Osama from here. – I don’t think so. You don’t think I
would’ve announced the news of his
capture and death to the whole country
if I hadn’t checked it with Hillary first? – [Jesus] Osama, Obama,
I bet you get a lot of shit for that. – Well, last 2,000
years, you’ve got a lot of shit, too, my friend. You know, I got a lot of
respect for people like you. I really do. (heels clacking) – Whoa. It smells like a
camel’s ass out here. – [Palin] Oh,
Erin, come join us. (Erin coughs) – [Erin] No, thanks. (man laughing) – What did Dr. Ben
put in these drinks? – Have any of you
guys seen Mason? (coughs) – [Palin] Mason, Mason, Mason? – [Obama] Who’s Mason? – The homeless guy, the
guy that’s dressed up like a homeless person. – [Jesus] We’re all a
little homeless, my child. Please, come join us. I give you my blessings. – Nothing, it’s
a placebo effect. – Oh really. – Oh, it’s working for me! (laughs) – I always wanted to say that. (scoffs) – How many losers can
they pack under one roof? This is nauseating. – [Jesus] Ah, but that’s why
we’re on top of the roof. (all laugh) – Creativity is a drug
I cannot live without. – Oh God, freakin’ addicts. Get out of my– – [Julie] Erin. (laughs) – They’re always stickin’
cameras in my face. – [Julie] It’s a party! – I’m not camera-ready. (Julie laughs) Whatcha doin’? – Oh, I’m just writin’
a quick note to Megan. – Aw, you still write Mommy? – Yeah, I like to think
it endears me to her. – Oh, come on, Jule. You and Ben are, like,
the best parents ever. (Julie scoffs) You’re also the best couple. (Julie grunts) Well, next to Charly and Grace. – No, they’re better. For one, they don’t lie. – What? – Yeah, come here. (Erin chuckles) Okay, look, Erin,
I know you’re going through a really tough time. And that you may think
that the grass is greener on the other side,
but I’m telling you it is not always that way. – Look, what’s go,
what’s goin’ on? – Okay, Meg found out
that we’re not married. – What? You guys have a kid. – So we just never really
believed in it, you know. But we’re much more
committed than most people, especially because of Megan. And she gets to see two people
who really love each other. And more than that,
that we love her. You know, Erin, we just
decided it doesn’t matter what other people think of us. (sentimental piano music) – Yeah, that’s
actually really cool. You guys are great. I’m sure Meg knows that. – Well, we’ve been talking
about it, though, you know, like, a ceremony or maybe
like a commitment ceremony with her and, like,
for all of us. You know, if she can’t
get through this phase. (bangs loudly) Here we go. Okay, the light, the love,
the power, the presence. Say it with me. – [Both] The light, the love,
the power, the presence. – Let’s get you a drink. – Yeah, that helps, too. – [Voiceover] Welcome
to the Monster Party. (laughs manically) – Hey, Ramani, hi, baby. How are you? Hi. You know what? My wife, look at me! I’m talking to you. Hey, look at me. My wife believes that
I’m cheating on her. I’m not cheating on her. What do you say? Do you believe me? What should I do? Okay, let’s go to
sleep together. Come on, let’s sleep together. Come on. (snores) (Julie giggles) – [Cave Girl] Erin,
we are outta here. – Yeah, this party blows. My friend’s having one,
too, so we’re headed over. Wanna go? – Hmm, no, I’m just
gonna wait here. – Why? – Because I need to
talk to someone, so. – Don’t tell me you’re
referring to Mr. Smelly Pants. – Seriously. – Come on, that’s
not nice, really. – Well, no one ever
said we were nice. (all laugh) – You got that right. (chuckles) – Donny won’t be there. – Oh great, are
you gonna take him? – We’re taking you. – [Cave Girl] Come on, we are
gonna help you with happiness. – No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, I’m good. Really, seriously, I’m good. I’m happy. – Whatever you say, Erin. Don’t say we didn’t
try to save you from a life of cat lady. – Meow! (laughs) Have fun! – Erin, way to
take the high road. – See, my brother knows
what he’s talkin’ about. Those bitches are hoes. (Jesus laughs) – You got it right, sis. (doorbell rings) – Trick or treat. – [Angela] Oh honey,
wait a minute. I don’t have any
candy, but I have something better for you. Here, okay. You take that. Good boy, okay. ♪ Put your hands up in the air ♪ Wave them like you
just ain’t scared ♪ Of a monster (footsteps clatter slowly) (chuckles) – There are easier
ways to leave a party. – I am not going anywhere, yet. – Good, cause I
wanted to apologize for being such an idiot. (Mason laughs) – Oh you can’t help it. – I deserve that. – You’re too concerned
about what others think. You know you’re not really
thinking with your heart. – Some things can’t be trusted. (sentimental music) But I apologize anyway, regardless of my heartlessness. (both chuckle) – It’s okay. It’s not even on my radar. – Well, what is on your radar? – I think it’s time
to make a change. – Change can be good. – Yeah. Looks like the green
thumb didn’t make it to the next generation. – Actually, it did. The garden is just taking
some time to find itself. – I’m surprised Julie
didn’t try to fix it. Isn’t that what most people do? – It’s not her style. Her and Ben know that Megan
just needs some space. It’s just a phase is all. Hey. I’m sure she’ll find
her way back soon. – I know she will. By the way, apology accepted. (laughs) (Erin scoffs) (Mason sighs) – All right, get outta here. (chuckles) ♪ Well if your
pain is in braille ♪ I’m gonna have to read
it with my fingertips ♪ – Hey. – Hey, guys. – Everything okay with Mason. – Oh you know, I don’t know. He got really emotional
over Megan’s garden. I mean, who wouldn’t? This place is so perfect. (sighs) How do you guys know Mason? – [Both] At church. – Really? I would never have pegged
him for a church guy. (chuckles) – Be wary of typecasting, Erin. – That’s true, but isn’t
that kinda tonight’s theme? Has he, um, said
anything about me? I guess not. I’ve been kind of a jerk. – Erin, there’s something
your should know about Mason. (Donny howls) – [Donny] Yeah! – You know what? I really wanna hear this. I have to talk to you later. I got to go. – Yeah. – [Erin] No, no. – Yeah. – [Erin] No, no,
get out, no, no. – It’s the whole
hard-to-get deal. It’s like, big, right now. You two look sexy. Look at that. I can’t even tell if
you’re pissed or not. I like that. (Donny laughs) – Hey, stay still. (stripper giggles) – [Stripper] Uh-oh! – Hey, where are you going? – Well, aren’t we a busy,
little pirate tonight? – Hi. – Gee, Cole, I never knew you
were into such kinky stuff. – Hi. – Hi, honey, now I have
a kinky idea of my own. – Yay, I’m gonna
have sex tonight. – Oh, I’ve got plans for you. Cole. Sweet dream, asshole. Welcome to your nightmare. (quirky music) (chair clatters) – Fuck. (slurps) (sighs) Where are you, you little shit? (quirky music) Oh yeah. Oh yeah, fuck yeah,
yeah, I knew it. I knew it. (doorbell rings) – [Kids] Trick or treat! – [Julie] Oh, what
do we have here? A little dog, and
what are you, honey? – A witch. – No, honey, I’m a witch. – No, you’re a creepy
tree in a leotard. – Okay, that’s true. But I’m actually a Wiccan,
and we study witchcraft, but we do not dress
anything like that. I mean, what’s with your hat? – My mother made it for me. – Yeah, that’s not my problem. You know, I have some
information actually on being a real witch. Why don’t you take this home
and take a look at that? – But I can’t read. – Yeah, that’s not my problem. Maybe you could have your
mother read it for you, ’cause she’s so smart. Bye. – I’m telling you this Mason
guy is homeless, you guys. (quirky music) – Okay, Sherlock, so
you have deduced this by the fact that he
smells, his clothes, and the fact that
no one knows him. – Or that he’s just from Norco. (cops laugh) – He’s down there
right now talking to Benny about that art shit. Okay, and as soon as shit starts turning up missing, guess what? You two clowns aren’t
gonna be doubtin’ me then. Think about that. – We’re not fuckin’
clowns, all right. – Clowns, cops, clowns, cops,
same shit, whatever, man. – Well, at least the
beer cap can’t walk out. (both cops laugh) – Why don’t you two guys get in character here
and man up and– – Hey, chill out! – Pull some, fuck off,
pull some cop shit or something out
of that hat, man. – Seriously, these are
just costumes, come on. – Costumes worn by a
couple of chicks, dude. You’re like two limp dicks, man. Come on, give me your cuffs. – No, I need those. – [Donny] For what, dude? – I promised my wife, and
she’s scarier than you, okay. – [Donny] Then
give me your cuffs. – I got to return these
to my neighbor, all right. – [Donny] You’re
gonna get ’em back. Stop it! (Donny groans) – Have another, Don. – Oh Jesus. – [Donny] God! – Hi. You don’t happen to
have that, um, the red– – Ball gag? – Yes, yes. – Your husband came by
for the whip earlier. – He did, yeah. – Do you know how to use it? – Um, I think so. I don’t want to show up to the party
empty-handed, you know. – Well, if you need any help. (both laugh) – Thank you. – Mm-hmm. I’m available. (camera clicks) ♪ ‘Cause we know that
love is the real thing ♪ Everybody’s going down ♪ Let’s take a look around – Hey, guys, um, do you have
any handcuffs I could borrow? – Yes, anything
for a pretty lady. – Thanks. – You’re welcome. – Thought you needed
those for your wife? (door knocks) – [Grace] Meg, it’s
Grace and Charlie. You okay in there? (door squeaks) (chains rattle) – Hey, have you seen
a fortune teller here? – No, did you guys hire one? – No, but the funny thing
is a couple of people have mentioned seeing
her in our room, but every time I
go there, nothing. – Okay, I think you need
to lay off the juice. (Erin chuckles) – Hey, I’m the Love
Doctor, not a love patient. – [Erin] Okay, what
was it you wanted to tell me about Mason? – [Charly] Mason’s
wife and child– – Wait, he’s married? – No, no, no, he’s widowed. – Oh my God. That’s so sad. You mean he’s a widow
and a single parent? That must be rough. – On his son’s birthday,
he was supposed to pick them both up, and
they were going to a party. Mason ended up
havin’ to work late, and he asked his wife to drive, and he’d meet them there later. – And they never made it. – You mean he lost his son, too? – Drunk driver,
Mason blames himself. – It’s been about two years now. He’s really gone downhill fast. I mean, he’s lost his job
and his home, and he– – I mean, you told me he
lived down the street. – He’s homeless, Erin. – Wow, it makes sense. – But since then, he’s been
picking up the broken pieces and making something very
beautiful out of them. – He’s a very talented
community developer, or was. And actually since he’s
been on the street, he’s met a lot of people that
are far worse off than him. – One day he approached
us with this plan for building a sustainable
homeless community. – It’s awesome. – Grace and I decided to
help him make it happen. – You guys are amazing. You know that? (Grace chuckles) – You are too, gorgeous. That’s why we wanted to talk
to you a little bit about him, and let you know he’s
a beautiful person. And Charly and I think you
should give him a chance. – Grace, Charly, you
two promised me a dance. And I’m getting
ready to head out. – We’re coming. Come on. – I’m gonna wait here. Mason, you won’t leave
before I get a chance to talk to you, right? – I’ll stick around. (footsteps clatter) ♪ I’m gonna get you back ♪ I’m gonna get you – Hey, Penny! Hey, everything all right? – Yeah, fine. – Where’s Cole? – Oh, he got a little tied up. (Ben grunts) (door slams) – I don’t trust Palin or Obama. – Yeah, first of
all, I don’t trust that homeless guy, you guys. Does anybody even know him? – Can’t say that I do. – Yeah, exactly,
you don’t know him. I don’t, nobody knows him. And the thing is, I think
he’s really homeless. – I haven’t seen him before. – [Donny] Yeah, see. – [Mammo Guy] Yeah, me either. – Dude smells like shit! Yeah, I’ve smelled him, dude. (everybody laughs) And he’s down here right
now talking to Benny about his, the Steuben stuff. That expensive art
thing, the trinket. I think he’s gonna jack it. And then some girl
said her purse is gone. – What? – [Donny] So what
does that tell you? Like guys– – Did you tell Ben or Julie? – [Donny] No, they’re
too busy partying. That’s the whole deal. – Party hardy. – Yeah, they’re drunk. That’s the thing. No one’s listening to me, ’cause they don’t
understand the truth. I know the truth. – We got to tell ’em. – No shit, that’s what I said! So you wanna get him. Let’s go. – [Pope] Let’s get him. – Seriously, yeah, exactly. – Let’s go get him. – Hey, there, you’ve
seen, uh, you’ve seen, uh, you’ve seen, uh, Jesus? – Um, no. – Okey doke. Hey, Jesus, there you are, baby. All right, let’s
have some holy water. (bells jingling) – Wow, this is so cool. Nice crow. – Come in, Erin. – How did you know my, never mind, you’re good. Ben and Julie, they’re looking for
you, by the way. – I just spoke with them. – Oh. (quirky music) Ooh, what’s this? You know, all my friends
are plural these days. Ben and Julie, Charly and
Grace, Dave and Angela, even the gay prison inmates, and then there’s me, AKA, Studfinder. I don’t get it. I’m smart. I have a great sense of humor. I have a pretty, pretty
good rack, uh-huh. ♪ Up from the studio ♪ Gonna blast it right
through your stereo ♪ (camera clicks) ♪ This is the sound
that brings them down ♪ And they start
while it’s out ♪ – People turn their
heads more now than they did in high school. I mean, I get it. I was a little chunky back then, but why do I only attract
losers and bottom feeders. Do you know that I have
two suitcases hidden under my bed stuffed full of books
on seduction and dating? Uh-huh, yeah, How to Sexily
Adjust Your Undergarments While in Line at Starbucks,
How to Toss Your Hair. How to Kiss Him First, that
was a humiliating experience. He didn’t kiss me back. – What are you doing? That’s not how you do it. – Huh? – [Rocker] Sit down, sit down. Let me show you. You go. – Oh, okay. – Got it now? All right, you try it. – [Stripper] Okay. – There you go. You got it now, girl. – You know, I had
this one book called The Seven Secrets of
Highly Seductive Women. How stupid of a
title is that anyway? And I decided that I was
going to try some of the tips from the book on my
neighborhood ice cream man. You know, you got
to start somewhere, and he was kinda
cute from a distance. Oh God, oh God, that guy, he had dried up pink
and green sherbet dangleberries, hanging
from his chest hair! I mean, oh my God,
how gross is that? I just, and then when
I didn’t follow through with my seduction technique, he started stalking me. Do you know how
terrifying it is to have an ice cream truck pull
up outside your house at midnight blaring
the Mister Softee tune? Oh God, every time I
see an ice cream truck. (gurgles) (sigh) (shirtless man snorts) (Jimmy laughs) (shirtless man growls) – And don’t even get me
started on Donny, the Wolf Boy. He was a one-night stand that
became a six-month nightmare. Don’t judge. Mama had an itch to
scratch, and he had a pole. But did he have to rub it on
every single one of my friends. Why can’t I just meet
a guy that’s normal? That doesn’t cheat on me. That isn’t a sociopath. That isn’t just disgusting. What hat is wrong with me? Why do I have to bend
myself into a pretzel? Why, why? What, what? – Oh my God, I do believe
I hear somebody urgently calling your name, honey. – What? (grunts) What? – [Julie] What? – What do you guys want? – What are you talkin’ about? – The fortune teller, she
told me you needed me. – [Both] What fortune teller? – The, Where did she,
okay, where is she? What, what? Seriously, guys, what the fuck
do you put in these drinks? – Wow. – I don’t know what
you’re talking about. – I don’t know, Erin. I think she needs to get laid. – Oh yeah, you
know, I could write a prescription for roofies. – You should do that. – Is she under the bed? (grunts) (funky music) Ben, Julie, come quick. Ugh, God, Mason’s in trouble. – [Donny] Stealing fine art
for screwing cougars, huh? Party’s over, scrounger, yeah. – Look, I’m not here
to make any trouble. – Oh yeah, I think you should’ve
dressed up as Robin Hood. Get a little more
sympathy from me. This whole community building
thing is bullshit, man. And I know it. – What are you talking about? – Uh, Satan’s purse, for one,
is what I’m talking about. ♪ She thinks that
I didn’t listen ♪ Truth is she made me – What’s gotten into you, baby? You have one of the
doctor’s drinks. – You know what, leave
him alone, Donny. – Oh great, cougar to
the rescue here, yeah. – Hey, Donny, Donny,
just relax, okay. Mason’s a good guy, all right. – Really, he’s a good guy? Who knows this good guy? I don’t know this good guy. Do you? Nobody knows this good guy. – [Charly And Grace] We do. – Really? Oh, you do? You know what, you know
why you know this good guy? ‘Cause you all seem him
squatting in the alleyway when you guys leave
for work every morning, dumping in the dumpsters. That’s why you know him. Yeah, that’s his home. – What are you going
on about, Donny? – You, you wanna, really? That, this, right here, that’s
what I’m going on about. You know what this is? This was a tomato plant. And guess what’s missing off
this tomato plant, tomatoes. You know why
there’s no tomatoes? ‘Cause this fuckwad
comes over here, every night when you
guys are sleeping, and he takes the tomatoes, and
he eats them for vitamin C. So he can go cougar hunting. Energy, it helps. I know it! – Actually, Donny,
that’s a Venus flytrap. – [Donny] Huh? – Oh, I’ve never seen
one of those before. – [Naughty Maid] Sexy. – [Naughty Nurse] Suggestive. – I want one. (Donny howls) (Dave whistles) – [Angela] What the fuck
is goin’ on in here? – Hey, hey, hey, everybody! Stripper fight in
the living room! Whoo! – Aw, no way, dude. – That didn’t mean
anything, I’m sorry. Nothing happened,
nothing at all. I can’t see shit. Please, don’t hurt me. (sobs) – Wow, Erin, you never told us that you getting
rid of such a cutie. – Oh my God, he’s all yours. – You, get over here. You, sit! – I thought you guys were
going to another party. – [All Three] Sidetracked! (all laugh) – Let me show you
how he likes it. You watch this, baby. Rabbi, music. ♪ Hey you drums ♪ Shaking my head ♪ I can see you like
it when I crawl down ♪ My body to the ground
and I shake my booty ’round ♪ ‘Cause I’m so good ♪ I’m so good, I’m so good ♪ So good ♪ I can see you like
it when I keep it low ♪ Like it could, like it slow ♪ Just let your body show – Sober up, Donny! – Sober up, Donny. (laughs mockingly) – You are just nauseating. ♪ Let me show you what is real ♪ While you’re
walkin’ like you steal ♪ When you’re wonderin’
what’s the deal ♪ Say what ♪ While you’re
walkin’ like you steal ♪ Say what ♪ When you’re wonderin’
what’s the deal ♪ Say what ♪ Can you handle it ♪ Tell me, can you handle it ♪ Can you handle it ♪ Tell me, can you handle it ♪ Tell me, can you handle it ♪ You don’t know
what to do with this ♪ You don’t know
what to do with this ♪ Can you handle it – Nice move. ♪ Can you handle it ♪ Gonna move your body like ♪ Can you handle it ♪ Gonna move your body like ♪ Can you handle it ♪ Don’t know what
to do with this ♪ I was thinkin’ that I got you ♪ Caught up in the scene ♪ Imma move your body, fiend ♪ No, it’s not a dream ♪ This is so real ♪ So real (crowd applauds) – Let’s get the fuck
out of here, right now! – [Young Stripper] Yeah. – [Dave] You and you. Gametime, baby. (crowd cheers) – Whoa, whoa, hold on. Fucker, come here. Come here. Open the door. I got some trash to bring out. (grunts) Come on, right now. Yeah, exactly. Oh, you know what? I forgot somethin’ here. Oh, what is this? Yeah, exactly. (Donny grunts) Oh, you know what? Oh shit, I forgot the key. Cops will have
them, though, nice. Go back to Goodwill. (railing clangs) Exactly. – [Donny] Ah, hi! – Hey. – [Donny] Yeah, exactly,
ladies, you look so hot. – Where’s Mason? – Huh? Oh, your homeless
boyfriend, that guy? – He’s not my boyfriend. – Hey, I’m just gonna
say it right now. Seriously, you could do so
much better than that, really. I mean, and guess what. Looks like Studfinder’s
going home alone tonight. I’m not. – He’s my friend, which
is more than I can say for any of you. – [Women] Erin! – Oh my gosh, Erin, seriously,
you’re killin’ me right now. Would you rather go out
with trash like that or me? Think about it. Yeah, it’s a hard one. (gasps) – Uh, okay, I’d
actually rather go out in a lightning storm,
wrapped in tin foil, than go out with you. – That doesn’t even
make any sense. So, like, fuck it. My mom was right about you. – Of course, she was. And you can tell her tonight when you go home
to her basement. (whistle shrills) – Well done, my dear, well done. – I don’t live in
the basement anymore, so, um, you know what? – Moving on to our next shot. – [Erin] Ooh, whoa,
what are you doing here? – Has everything calmed
down, down there? – I thought Donny threw you out. – I don’t know
anything about that. I hightailed it out of there as soon as you started
tearing him a new one. – Listen, I was protecting you. Look– – And I appreciate that. – Let me try and
get you out of here. – I thought the door,
isn’t the door downstairs? Wow, you are a take charge girl. I like that. – You know what? Get in the bathroom
and clean yourself up. I’m gonna get you
some clothes, okay. (party goers chattering) These should do. (door knocks) Here put these on. I’m gonna go make sure
the coast is clear. – [Mason] Okey-dokey. (footsteps clatter) – [Both] Trick or treat! (rock music) ♪ I’m craving for ♪ Some innocence ♪ To pop me back on my feet ♪ And my heart again – [Elvis] So you know what my
favorite thing about you is? – [Woman] What? – [Elvis] The way you
can see your eyes looking at me through my glasses. (woman laughs) – [Ben] Refresher? – [Elvis] Oh yes, of course. – [Woman] Please. – Enjoy. – Thank you, brother. That’s my brother. It’s taking, we can take this
relationship a lot farther if you can answer this
one simple question. – [Woman] And what’s that? (knocks rythmically) – [Elvis] Do you have a job? (woman laughs) – [Woman] Why? – [Elvis] Because Elvis is
havin’ problems paying his rent. (knocks rythmically) – [Woman] Really? – [Elvis] No, not really, I
just wanted just a little, just half the
rent, just my half. (woman laughs) – [Woman] Just your half? – [Elvis] Yeah. – [Woman] And what about mine? – [Elvis] Oh, don’t
worry about it. You have room in
your place, right, where you live up
the street, you said? – [Ben] Never gonna happen! – [Voiceover] All
right, take care. See you guys later. – [Mammo Guy] We’re gonna
go find another one. – [Voiceover] All right. – [Mammo Guy] Cool party. – [Grim Reaper]
Yeah, it is, come on. – [Mammo Guy] I
shouldn’t, that’s fine. (Mammo Guy laugh) – [Grim Reaper]
That’s some good shit. It’s kinda tingly. – [Jesus] All right. – What, you’re high. What are you doing? – Okay, I’m gonna
kick your butt, dude, ’cause blessed are the meek. – No, man, Jesus, you’re
nothin’ but a hound dog, and I’m gonna kick your ass. Don’t you understand that? – You know, it’s, like,
it’s easier for a camel to walk through
the eye of a needle than for a sideburned,
pill-popping, fat dude like you to beat me, again. – Don’t be cruel,
don’t be cruel, ’cause I’m gonna
hurt you so bad, it’ll make you shit that tunic. (Jesus scoffs) – Go ahead, make my day, dude. – You’re an idiot. That’s Clint Eastwood, man. – No, dude, I
totally said that one on the Sermon on the Mount, bro. Let’s do it. Come on, I’m not scared of you. – You’re not scared of me. – No, dude. – All right, I’m
gonna break your arm. (Jesus laughs) – Then I’ll just
re-heal it, dude, ’cause I’m, like, eternal. – You’re eternal? – Yeah, dude. – Well, fix this. – Ow, dude! – Now who’s
omnipotent, you pussy? – I wasn’t even, aw, wait, wait, you got my weed, dude. – That was so much fun! I’ll be seeing you. – [Red Crayon] Bye, thanks. Bye, guys. – [Grace] Can’t
wait ’til next time. – [Green Crayon] Bye. – [Ben] All right. – Bye! – [Green Crayon] Bye, guys. – Don’t let the
red crayon drive. (Charly chuckles) – Fantastic party, Ben. – Well, with friends like
you, how could it be any less? – Well, we see where
Meg gets her charm. – Our Meg? – I know you think she’s
a handful, but trust us. She’s all right. – In fact, she helped us
make a decision tonight. – Big. – [Grace] Big decision. – We decided we’re
gonna give it a go. We’re gonna start a family. – Oh my gosh, that’s great. I mean, I would think Meg would deter prospective parents to be. – Not at all, we’ve been going back and forth on adoption. – Yeah, a baby or a toddler? – You know, spending
time with Meg– – And then working with the
kids in the church was just– – Made us decide we
want to adopt a teen. – You two are brave. – You know, people
just give up on them. In fact, you know what
Meg did last week? She walked up to one of
our girls in a wheelchair and asked her if
she wanted to fly. And the girl said yes. So Meg picked her up
and put her on one of the tumbling pads,
and then took one arm and one leg and started
spinning her around. – It started a chain reaction. All the many children
heard her screaming and laughing hysterically. – So I asked Meg
why she did that. And she said that when
she first moved out here, she was very lonely. And so you took her to the park,
and you did the same thing. And then all the
other kids got jealous and wanted to join in. – You gave her friends, Ben. You made her feel wanted. She’s not half the
trouble you’re thinking. – She’s just trying to find
herself, like we all have. – Well, we should be going. – Yes. – Thanks, you two. – [Grace] Oh, you’re welcome. – No problem. – [Grace] Bye. – Bye. (quirky music) (Donny gags) – Yes, more liquid. (Donny retches violently) Sorry, down below. (Donny retches) Where’s my nurse? (Donny groans) – So, let’s see if
there’s anybody. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. – Oh. (Obama chuckles) – Ah, the youth has
never learned patience, have they, darling? – I don’t think so. – We can’t leave him
there like that, though. – Oh, no problem. – You got an idea. – I have this one
handled, mm-hmm. – Okay, whip it. What have you got up your, whoa, where’d you get those? – Oh, party favors,
Republican convention. (both chuckle) – Damn, I got to go
with you next time. – I think so. (tie zips) – [Obama] Okay. You know, it just
needs one more touch. – [Palin] What’s that? Oh. – Huh? (Obama chuckles) – Sweet dreams, Teen Wolf. – Oh gosh. ♪ The dark lights ♪ Invite me into the moonlight ♪ For a taste in bittersweet ♪ Like the thought of you ♪ Couldn’t leave if I wanted to ♪ You got me possessed
by your spell ♪ (sighs) (door knocks) – Mason? How did you get in? Wait, where did you
get that outfit? – You gave it to me. – What? Oh, you know what? We just, we have to go. (footsteps clatter) – Where did you find
the fortune teller? And who are you? (Erin laughs) – And you’re a dude. – I’ll explain later. Where’s Donny? – I have no idea,
but you know what, the less we know, the better. – Ben, it was a
pleasure meeting you. You and Julie are
fantastic hosts. – Mason, you’re
the fortune teller. – We, actually, found
this outfit upstairs. I have no idea what’s going on, but I guess she’s
still running around. Where is Jule? – Oh, she’s probably making sure that Megan doesn’t kill anybody. (both chuckle) – We have to go, so
I can’t say goodbye. Can you let her know? – [Ben] Yeah, sure. – Thank you so much. All right, let’s go. – [Ben] Take care, you two. – So I want to hear
more about your idea. – Well, I know this
great 24-hour place, right around the corner. – Oh, well, maybe I
can buy you a coffee. – How about that
meal you owe me? (Erin chuckles) – The person who makes a
success of living is one who sees his aim steadily
and aims for it unswervingly. That is dedication. – I’m ready for my
close up, Mr. DeMille. – [Cecil] Fabulous! (lips smack) – Let’s go. – Hey, Ben, have you seen Erin? – Oh, she just left
with the fortune teller. – What fortune teller? Oh, oh, oh. (dog paws clatter) (Ramani panting) – I see hot dogs in your future. (laughs) – [Blonde Girl] Ramani,
let’s go, Ramani. – [Brunette Girl] Ramani. – [Ben] Ramani! – [Julie] Ramani,
come here, Ramani. We’re gonna go trick
or treating, Ramani. Let’s go, Ramani. (Donny snoring) – You’re such a good girl. You did such a good job. You did a good job, tonight. Yes, you did. (whistle shrills) – That’s a wrap. – [Julie] Yes, it is. So you can drop it now, friend. – Oh, thank goodness. (Julie laughs) Oh that was exhausting. I tell you what,
keepin’ that up. All right, guys, hey, how
did the doggie cam go? – Oh it was great. I mean, between
that and your stuff and all the other cameras, I think we got
something here, yeah. – Oh yeah, it’s gonna
be very special. Your friend with
the yellow dress. – Yeah. – Well, she shouldn’t
see it, really, ’cause she doesn’t come
off very good, but. – Oh God. – But, uh, yeah, I
think it’s gonna be– – That’s great. Can I see the footage? – Oh yeah, sure. – Well, we will get
our first cut to you in about three to four weeks. – Three to four? – Yeah, I think, well,
wait, actually I gotta go to a Packer game in between, so it’ll be more
like five weeks. And then you can
give us some notes, and we’ll consider them. – All right, well,
that sounds great. You can show yourselves out. – All right, can I grab
a soda on the way out? – [Julie] No, no. – I didn’t think so. – [Julie] Good night. – [Man In Black Hat] Thanks. – [Julie] See you, guys. Wow, so that was an
interesting party. – I know, maybe next
year, we should invite just our actual friends. – Yeah, either that, or maybe
we should charge admission. – I think, maybe
we could have it next year at my bar. – Yeah, right. – Oh, you don’t think I’m
ever gonna open it, do you? – Well, I do, but you
know, sooner or later. – It’s gonna have to be later. – Why? – Well, I was thinking
maybe it’s time we go back to the Virgin Islands
and take Megan with us. – Oh my gosh, how
are we gonna do that? – Well, you know what? I already did. – No, you didn’t. – Yes. – Oh my God. – Yes, I did. – Are you kidding me? – No. – [Julie] When are we going? – Just as soon as
Meg’s out of school. – [Julie] Oh my gosh. – You think she’ll go for it? – Are you kidding me? It’s her favorite place. – Oh, and I was also
thinking that maybe it is time for that
commitment ceremony. – Are you kidding me? Oh, that is so sweet. (upstairs knocks rhythmically) (Julie grunts) (broom knocks rhythmically) What’d she say? – She said we are the
best parents in the world. – Yeah, right. – Yeah, she wants a sandwich. (Julie grunts) But she did say,
“Thanks, Mom and Dad.” – Mm, that’s very sweet. Let’s go upstairs. – All right. – It’s been a long night. – Yeah. (lips smack) (Ramani pants) (door creaks) (lips smack) (quirky music) (Julie laughs) ♪ Turn out the lights ♪ Bring on the night – Ramani! (Ramani pants) ♪ Turn out the lights ♪ Whoa oh, Whoa oh-oh (Megan screams) (camera clicking) ♪ It’s a freaky world ♪ She’s a freaky girl ♪ Don’t tell what you know ♪ Shake ♪ It’s a freaky world ♪ She’s a freaky girl ♪ Don’t tell what you know ♪ It’s not natural
what I’ve become ♪ It’s more than physical ♪ I want the moon and
I’m hot from the sun ♪ Just like an animal ♪ Ow, a bit bizarre, but I
think I’d better tell you ♪ My mind is wild every
single time I smell you ♪ And now the change comes
and now the change comes ♪ And now the change comes ♪ Everything changes ♪ Turn out the lights ♪ Bring on the night ♪ I am a creature, baby ♪ I wanna sink my teeth into you ♪ I know you want me to ♪ Just close your eyes ♪ Don’t try to fight ♪ Whoa oh-oh, Whoa oh ♪ I am a creature, baby ♪ When the lights go out ♪ I’ll come for you ♪ Don’t worry,
I’ll come for you ♪ – Oh Mr. Bad Cop! (hisses) (sighs) (footsteps stomp) – [Jimmy] Is she gone? – [Cop Without Hat] Yeah. – [Jimmy] Oh, all good. (Jimmy sighs) I like that skirt, though, dude. ♪ Girl, don’t tell what you know ♪ It’s just my hand, babe ♪ Don’t be afraid ♪ To feed your darker side ♪ To do the things that
you never would say ♪ But always want to try ♪ A bit bizarre, but I
think I’d better tell you ♪ My mind gets wild every
single time I smell you ♪ And now the change comes,
and now the change comes ♪ And now the change comes ♪ Everything changes ♪ Turn out the lights ♪ Bring on the night ♪ Whoa oh-oh, oh-oh ♪ I am a creature, baby ♪ I wanna sink my teeth into you ♪ I know you want me to ♪ Just close your eyes (cops screams) (stripper screams) (Jimmy laughs maniacally) (hands slap) ♪ Don’t try to fight ♪ I am a creature, baby ♪ When the lights go
out, I’ll come for you ♪ You know, I’ll come for you ♪ In the day I’m waiting ♪ Only contemplating ♪ ‘Til the sun is fading (sighs) – Motherfucker, I can’t
even wake a damn cop up. (heels clacking) (blues music) ♪ You feel voodoo ♪ Down in your bones ♪ See the trees move ♪ Hear the wind moan ♪ You’re scared that
once it gets you ♪ The feelin’ will possess you ♪ But boy, you’re not alone ♪ It’s got me too ♪ Ah, whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ It’s voodoo ♪ Oh, it’s voodoo, oh, yeah ♪ Yeah, yeah, it’s voodoo (blues music) – [Cop On Right] Mother,
mother, why do you look so at me with such crazy eyes? – [Jimmy] Because
I love you, son. I love you more than any
mother has ever loved her son. – [Cop On Right] Do you love
me in that creepy sort of way that we see in the movies? – [Jimmy] Oh yes, baby. – [Cop On Right] Oh, you,
will you, will you, will you, will you lock me in the
closet again, please? – [Jimmy] Oh yes,
come here, son. – [Cop On Right] Oh thank you! (both grunt) Oh, oh, mother, lower, mother! Lower, mother! Oh, more, mother! (both grunting) Oh mother, oh mother! Mother! (blues music)

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