Articles Blog

Jenny Hagel Recaps the US Women’s Soccer Team’s World Cup Win

Jenny Hagel Recaps the US Women’s Soccer Team’s World Cup Win

-The women’s World Cup
ended last week. Here with the highlights
of the tournament, please welcome one of our
writers, Jenny Hagel, everybody! [ Cheers and applause ] -Hey, everybody! The World Cup wrapped up last
week, and it was incredible! First, some teams
played each other and some qualified
and some didn’t — yada, yada — but the whole thing
really kicked off when U.S. player Megan Rapinoe had this exchange
with a reporter. -Are you excited about
going to the White House? -[ Scoffs ] I’m not going
to the [bleep] White House. [ Laughter ] -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] When that happened, lesbians
were like, “I love her.” And straight women were like,
“Am I straight?” [ Laughter ] Then the team
beat Thailand and Spain, and then Megan Rapinoe
sat out a game, and everyone in America
was like, “Oh [bleep]
is my girlfriend okay?” [ Laughter ] -Sorry, Jenny. This is great,
but I thought you were gonna go over the highlights
of the World Cup. -Seth, I’m a lesbian.
These are the highlights. [ Laughter ] Then the President tweeted, “Megan should win first
before she talks. Finish the job!” And then Rapinoe
scored two goals against France and ran to the sidelines
and did this. And you know
what the President said then? [ Cheers and applause ] Yeah, you know what
the President said then? -What?
-Jack [bleep] ’cause that’s
the dopest comeback ever. [ Laughter ] Yeah. Last night, I tried
to buy milk at a bodega, and they were like,
“We don’t take debit cards,” and I was like,
“I have exact change, bitch!” [ Laughter, cheers, applause ] Then, the U.S. beat England
and the Netherlands and became the world champs
for the second time in a row. And not only that, Megan Rapinoe
is here tonight to celebrate! [ Cheers and applause ] It was a great ending
for straight fans. For lesbians,
it was just the beginning. Because then,
things got very gay. Player Kelley O’Hara
ran into the stands and kissed her girlfriend, even though she wasn’t even
officially out. What a badass way to come out! I came out in my apartment
by whispering to my straight roommate,
“I think I like girls.” And then she said, “Okay,” and then we just went back
to watching “Dawson’s Creek.” [ Laughter ] Then, goalkeeper Ashlyn Harris posted a picture of herself
wearing this. Look at that outfit!
[ Cheers and applause ] It’s like she’s the CEO of
a company that makes lesbians. [ Laughter ] And then, Rapinoe rolled up to
an interview with Rachel Maddow looking like some kind of
sexy Tim Burton character. [ Laughter ] It’s like Jack the Pumpkin King
had a hot gay sister. [ Laughter ] But don’t worry —
Rachel Maddow is a professional, and she meets high-profile
people all the time, so you can totally count on her
to keep her cool. -You — You, um… You’re really good at talking. I’m still so nervous. [ Laughter ] -Look how flustered she got! That’s how other lesbians act
when they meet Rachel Maddow! Hoo! It was truly the gayest
week America has ever seen. [ Laughter and cheers ] Now, I just want to say, I know
the U.S. Women’s National Team is not just made up of lesbians, and every team member’s
contributions to the World Cup were incredible. But it was a big deal this week
to watch the gay members of the team be so out and proud and unapologetic
about who they are and for the whole country
to be so on board with it. For once,
Americans were into lesbians but not in a creepy way. [ Laughter, cheers, applause ] I’m a lesbian, I’m a woman,
and I’m also Hispanic, so there hasn’t been a lot of
great news for me lately. But watching America go,
in just a few years, from this to this, that makes me proud
to be an American. [ Cheers and applause ] -Jenny Hagel, everybody!

100 thoughts on “Jenny Hagel Recaps the US Women’s Soccer Team’s World Cup Win”

  1. It made me proud to be an American, too. Watching the World Cup made me feel more patriotic than watch the fireworks on the 4th of July this year. 😢

  2. Hearing Seth crack up in the back makes this clip even funnier. Jenny, I am right there with ya girl!! But not in a creepy way :D.

  3. "… and not in a creepy way." Oh I think this one pisses me off exactly the same amount as it pisses off my lesbian friends, even though I've never had a corresponding experience. Why do some men feel they get to 'own' everything?! A workmate of mine, who I knew as a decently enlightened get along guy, was introduced to two women and shortly after it became apparent that they were a couple. He literally couldn't stop himself from jokingly sidling up to them waggling his eyebrows and drawling, "No thaaaaat's interRESTing" in the creepiest way possible. I know he couldn't stop himself because I asked him about it later. He had no idea why he said it, he couldn't believe he had been so offensive to two very pleasant women – WHO HE FELT NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION TO. In his own words, as soon as he said it he "wanted to rip my tongue out and beat myself to death with it". He also said that if it had come out in conversation that they were married, he probably wouldn't had the same response. Because the word 'married' conjured up images of paying the bills, vacuuming, the school run etc. Which I found interesting. If he's ever in the same situation again, he said he's sure he'd have the same immediate internal response – but was also sure that from then on it was going to be "instantly swamped by a tsunami of shame."

  4. I'm in love with Jenny Hagel but she's a lesbian and I'm a male so she's out of reach, come to think of it, it doesn't matter that she's a lesbian because straight women are out of reach for me to. Seriously, it's great to see something this uplifting when each day President Flim-Flam opens his mouth and ruins the day for the world.

  5. Respect women but don't worship them you will only hurt your cause and push sensible people like myself away. This recent Women's World Cup generated around $130 million. The next Men's World Cup is projected to generate around $4-6 billion. This is why there is a pay difference the men generate more revenue. Stop being delusional. The Winners of the Men's World Cup receive around $400 million. Now tell me where will this $400 million come from for the women? They generated $130 million in revenue. Where is the extra $270 million? Exactly. This discussion is idiotic.

  6. I didn't watch all soccergames but I followed every headline about it and honestly, as a lesbian teenager, this was so important for me!

  7. I feel like the most important victory wasn't beating any other nation in the world cup. I feel like the real victory was against the hate here at home. This gives me hope for the future. Hate won't win. We're the land of the free not the land of the hate.

    Hate won't win.

  8. I'm an old straight white guy and I love Jenny and Megan both!
    They are adorable and intelligent and we so need people to be intelligent more than ever!

  9. Not going to lie, I started watching soccer after my friend (who's exactly like Jenny) told me all about it just like this.

  10. Its amazing that people have so much respect and admiration for a group of grown women that lost to some 8th graders in a scrimmage lmfao. And they want equal pay??? GTFOH…

  11. Wow!!! I didn't know it was that deep….. well because they're lesbians maybe I should've said…… nevermind. POINT being that I wasn't aware of the lesbian count, and it's a beautiful thing. USA&Equal Pay 😉

  12. Move over gay men, the ladies have finally arrived. Only took the winning world cup for lesbians to finally be cute and cool lol

  13. Jenny is so funny and awesome! All of their writers are awesome! Thanks Seth for showcasing these wonderful writers!

  14. This was so good. It really captured the chaotic gay energy that has been our response to the world cup.

  15. I went to like this video only to realized I just liked it 20 seconds ago. Well instead of a second like you get a comment!

  16. Lesbians are just people. And, we can all love them; just like any one else. Not so with D Trump, who may not even be human.

  17. I am so glad this turned into a Megan Rapinoe fan club because I am 100% one of those lesbians who started crushing on her.
    My reason was more how great she looks in a leather jacket, but to each their own!

  18. I am still a bit upset that you guys beat the Netherlands but ya deserved it. And this recap made my little gay heart happy 🙂

  19. If the women could actually beat an under 15 year old boys team, let alone a college grade men's team, then maybe they can earn some respect. If the national women's team can't beat unpaid college grade men then why should they get paid? That is only fair, why aren't the college men's teams paid as much as the women that they can easily beat? Equal work for equal pay. Also, why wasn't the under 15 boys team paid like the women's national team when they beat them?

  20. I find it funny this farce of support. Like they care about the WC. The US has a sickness and that is praising women sports. Really sickening low level crap, but lets pretend it is good.

  21. Lol, I knew she did say she wouldn't go to the White House but the way she said it made it soooo much better. 😂

  22. This what turns off people to this towards women sports it somehow always has to be about them being gay

  23. And another fun fact it was reported this World Cup team lost a scrimmage against a mls squad under 18 or 15 academy team, so should we pay those children the same as the professional men’s team as well. If the women team can generate enough money to cover the same wages as the men then fine pay them the same but if they are selling the tickets cheaper to have sold out stadiums then it would be common sense they are not making enough to have equal pay

  24. Dear Jenny. Wish I was hot enough to buy you a beer and nerd out with you. You have to make someone super happy when you're ready.

  25. So a genuine question here: why do so many LGBT people seem to hate Trump more than they did his Republican predecessors? He actually seems to be more gay-friendly than most Republicans.

  26. Unlike the lesbian writer i was actually at two games during the world cup. SWEDEN vs usa and Sweden vs Canada.

  27. Makes me proud to be an American too and I’m a black woman from the south so that statement has a lot of gravitas

  28. Jenny did a good job and the content is A+ but the style reminds me a little too much of Amber says what… 😌

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *