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Justice and a Slim Jim | MPGIS S2 | Episode 4

Justice and a Slim Jim | MPGIS S2 | Episode 4


Eh! Eh! Eh! Mom! Mom! Mommy! What is it Mikayla? Mommy’s busy with her
Adderall and Zinfandel. Zinferall… Adderdel… Zinafa… Zan can… Mom! I can’t reach the Gushers! Mikayla, you already had a pack of Gushers
this afternoon. Yeah. What’s your fucking point? Jesus Mikayla, shut the fuck up. I ate the
last bag of Gushers while you were taking your afternoon bath, you dirt ball. Oh, well, in that case, Shay, I suggest you
sleep with one eye open. Mikayla! What does Mommy say about making
threats we know we can’t keep? Oh, no Mommy, I will keep it. You heard her Shay. One eye open. Hieeeeee!!!!! Hieeee!!!!! Hieeeee!!!! Hieeeeee!!!!! Nice of you to show up, Cameron. Save it Shay, I just had to break up with
my 29 year old boyfriend today, ok? Oh no sweetie, why? Because I got a brand new 31 year old boyfriend!
Suck it bitches! Yeah, my new boyfriend is so much more mature.
My old boyfriend was always like, “Oh, I just got divorced, why’d you give me herpes?” And
my new boyfriend is all like, “Fuck my ex-wife, I already had herpes and I don’t even care.” Shay, sweetie, when is your little friend
coming over? Oh great, do we get to entertain another one
of Shay’s “investigate my vagina” boys. Seriously, Shay, just commit to the dick. Uh, no, actually I invited Deandra to dinner. Why am I gasping? I already knew that. Ugh, Mom are you talking to yourself again? Girls night! Shay why would we invite Deandra over? Isn’t
she just a little pissed off that, you know, that we ripped her arms off? Ub, nope, definitely knew that one too. Cameron she said doesn’t care about that anymore.
She has new arms now. Sorry. Wrong arm. Come in. Hieeeee!!!!! Sup. Deandra! I love what you’ve done with your
nubs! Thanks, don’t scuff it up. My dad’s still
making payments. Hey Shay. What? Hi Deandra! Hello Gizmo. So Deandra, have you heard the big news that
everyone’s talking about? I have a new boyfriend! Yo tengo un nuevo hombre. Oh sorry, I must’ve missed that one. You know
I’ve been kind of busy getting my arms reattached. Remember, the ones that you ripped out of
their sockets! Is it gonna be like this all night? I’m sorry, I just needed to get that off of
my chest… Similar to the way that you ripped my arms off of my chest. That was the last
one. Alright fine. Oh no, Mommy’s glass is empty. Time for you
girls to make a zinfandel run. Mommy, none of us are twenty-one. You have
to go get it yourself. Shay, Mommy can’t drive right now. (Turns
to camera) Because of the baby. Yes, the baby. No, mommy can’t drive because Officer Midnight
Visits took her license away. His name is Rick. Rick Midnight Visits. Ugh, c’mon Deandra, let’s go. Oh, is that something we’re going to do after
we eat? Trust me, the last thing we need before a
meal is my mother sobering up. The last time, she made us pray. Byeeeee!!!! Byeeee Alright, you three stay out here. I’ve got
a plan. Just this for today. I’m gonna need to see some ID. Nevermind. I thought you said had a plan. I did. Go inside. Buy the zinfandel. Then
leave. Oh you’re right, Shay. I guess the only part
of your plan that didn’t work was the whole goddamn thing! Oh well, guess we failed. We should probably
go eat an entire meal and reorganize. Deandra, we’re not going anywhere. I should’ve
done this myself from the start. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in college, it’s
how to get alcohol from boys. Oh, hi nice vest. Just the zinfandel for today. Yeah, I’m gonna need to see some ID. Oh, of course. Oh look, golden girls fell out! Anything else? Uh, you don’t remember me do you, Cameron? Um, no, I don’t remember most people. Blake Jensen. Um, nope. I was starting quarterback our senior year. Blake with a B… you threw a ball? We were on prom court together… I remember prom. I was prom queen! We dated for two years. Dated monogamously? I definitely don’t remember
you. Then you dumped me for a twenty-nine year
old after graduation. Oh right. Blake! You look so good! No I don’t. Damn it! And you’re not twenty-one. God damn it! Well, what happened, Cameron? The saggy sisters
didn’t get us any booze? Oh that’s so cute, my little sister made a
funny joke. Shut the fuck up. The ghost of Christmas past wouldn’t sell me anything. Awesome. Can we go eat now? Don’t worry. I’ve got this! Hello. Yeah, I’m gonna need to see some ID. God dammit! Oh well, there’s a Quik Trip about three miles
down. Maybe we can pay a homeless man to buy us some zinfandel. I’m sorry, but I was invited here for dinner
not some Indiana Jones zinfandel hunt. I could be at the torta bar at Jose’ Peppers right
now but instead I’m here with you three think for yourselfers. Now step aside, if it’s a
bottle of zinfandel that stands between me and several helpings of chicken fried prime
rib, then a bottle of zinfandel you shall have. What the fuck is chicken fried prime rib? I don’t know, but Mom definitely doesn’t know
how to make anything except corn dogs. For sure. Hi, can I see your- Listen, I am buying this bottle of wine. Now
you can sell it to me or I can sell your organs on the black market! So far tonight, your
little power trip has cost me twenty-five minutes that I could’ve spent eating a delicious
chicken fried prime rib dinner! So, while I hold your fragile little life in my stainless
steel fingertips, I ask you, cashier, do you need my ID? Do you? No, we’re good. Great. I’m also going to take these Funyuns.
And a Slim Jim. And a Twix. No Snickers. No Twix. No, I don’t want to ruin my appetite…both. Jesus, Deandra, what did you get? Justice. And a Slim Jim.

100 thoughts on “Justice and a Slim Jim | MPGIS S2 | Episode 4”

  1. "listen I am buying this bottle of wine. You know you can sell it to me, or I can sell your organs on the black market. So far tonight, your little power trip has cost me 25 minutes that I could have spent eating a delicious chicken fried prime rib dinner. So while I hold your fragile little life in my stainless steel fingertips, I ask you cashier, do you need my ID do you?

    No we're good

    Great. Im also gonna take these Funyuns, and a slim jim, and a Twix, no Snickers, no Twix , no I dont wanna ruin my appetite. Both.

  2. "I just had to break up with my 29 year old boyfriend today"
    "Oh no why?!"
    "BECAUSE I GOT A BRAND NEW 31 YEAR OLD BOYFRIEND SUCK IT BITCHESSSSSS"
    if that isnt me….

  3. WTF WHEN THE BARBIE GIRL DOLL THING SAID " I GOT A BRAND NEW 3I BOYFRIEND". ON THAT EXACT SAME TIME I TURNED ON THE VOLUME AND IT SAID 31% 0.0 0.0 0.0 O.O 0.0 0.0

  4. Shay: “Just this for today!”
    Clerk: “I’m gonna need to see some ID.”
    Shay: “Nevermind.”

    I DIED LAUGHING

  5. "Yeah my new boyfriend is so much more mature. My old boyfriend was always like 'oooh me and my wife just god divorced' and ' why did you give me herpes?' and my new boyfriend is like 'fuck my ex wife, I already had herpes, I don't even care!'"

  6. "Listen. I am buying this bottle of wine. You can sell it to me, or I can sell your organs on the black market."
    XD

  7. 2:16 my dumbass just realized Deandra was referring to Gremblins. Also Gizmo is the cutest thing ever.

  8. When deandra says "sorry, wrong arm" , did she mean that she wanted to knock down the door with her robot arm?

  9. I love how M(r)s. Can Buren just go along with all the threats, break ups, and curse words these kids does. This is 1000000000/10 family goals.

  10. can someone sum it up? it says its age restricted and i’m a little upsetti spaghetti about that 🙁

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