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Key & Peele – Auction Block

Key & Peele – Auction Block


– ALL RIGHT,
Y’ALL GATHER ROUND.
GATHER ROUND.
WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY
FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL,
GET ON UP THERE. – PUT THAT WHIP DOWN
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. – STRAIGHT UP. I DON’T CARE WHAT PLANTATION
I END UP ON. I’M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT
IN THIS MOTHER[bleep]. – HELLS YEAH. – WE HAVE LOT A,
LOT B, AND LOT C. – UH, $3 ON LOT A.
– $4. – 5! – $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. LOT A GOES TO THE MAN
IN THE BLACK HAT. – I MEAN, GOOD.
– YEAH. – [chuckles] I’M GLAD
I DIDN’T GET SOLD, ‘CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE OWNED
BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. – WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER
KILL ME THE FIRST DAY, OR I’MA GO BUCK-WILD
ON THE WHOLE OPERATION. – OKAAY? – NEXT ONE,
GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW. – OH, THIS–OKAY. both: [inhale] – $6 ON LOT A. – $7!
– EIGHT. – 9! – $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! both: [exhale] – OKAY, WELL,
YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE. – IT’S A NO-BRAINER.
– I MEAN, THAT GUY’S HUGE. – A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL. – THAT’S TWO OF ME.
– ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM. – I’D BUY THAT DUDE. – MY QUESTION IS
HOW’D THEY CATCH HIM? – NEXT! – OKAY. OH, YEAH.
– YEAH. – $2 ON LOT A. – $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. – SEE, NOW,
THAT SURPRISES ME. – THAT IS INTERESTING,
TO SAY THE LEAST. – I MEAN, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS
LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT, IT’S LIKE, DO THEY EVEN KNOW
WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR? – IT’S LIKE
THE WHOLE CRITERIA SEEMS JUST A LITTLE
INCONSISTENT. – I MEAN, AT SOME POINT,
I WANT TO BE ON LOT A. – YEAH, WHICH–
CAN A BROTHA GET ON LOT A? – NEXT. – OH, HERE WE GO.
– HERE WE GO. – BEEN A PLEASURE.
– GIVE ‘EM HELL. – ALL RIGHT.
– OKAY. – $8 ON LOT A. – GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! – HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
– NOPE, NOT TRUE. – HOW DOES IT HAPPEN? – WHAT YOU JUST SAID–
THAT’S GOBBLEDYGOOK. OKAY? THAT CAN’T BE TRUE.
‘CAUSE WHAT CAN THIS DUDE DO? LOOK AT HIM.
WHAT COULD HE PICK? A COTTON PLANT
IS, LIKE, THIS TALL. – YES.
– I’M SAY– NO OFFENSE, BROTHA,
I’M JUST SAYING. – OFFENSE TAKEN.
– WHA–[gasps] AM I WRONG? IS HE NOT SHORT?
HE’S SHORT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHORT
IN REAL LIFE, IN THE WORLD. – YOU’RE GOOD, MAN.
– ENOUGH. I WILL NOT HAVE
MY REPUTATION TAINTED, SELLIN’ SUPERFICIAL,
BIGOTED SLAVES. – SUPERFICIAL? DID THAT REALLY
JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? – THAT’S IT!
THIS AUCTION’S OVER! – AUCTION’S OVER?
– WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. NO, IT’S–IT AIN’T OVER.
IT’S NOT OVER! I’M STRONG, Y’ALL! I’M VERY STR–
I CAN SLEEP IN A BUCKET. – I’M FAST, I GOT STAMINA,
AND I KNOW MAGIC. – MY WORST QUALITY
IS THAT I’M A PERFECTIONIST. – LET ME MEN–
HAVE I MENTIONED THIS? DOCILE. I AM AGREEABLE
TO A FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE DUDE
WHO ASKED ME TO GET ON THE BOAT WHEN WE CAME OVER HERE. – NOT A VIOLENT BONE
IN MY BODY. – I JUST WALKED RIGHT ON,
NO BIG DEAL. NEVER SEEN A BOAT
IN MY LIFE.

43 thoughts on “Key & Peele – Auction Block”

  1. Subscribe to the new Key & Peele YouTube channel for all the classics as well as new-to-YouTube sketches: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdN4aXTrHAtfgbVG9HjBmxQ?sub_confirmation=1

  2. How is this acceptable as comedy today? Hollywood is so full of hypocrisy now. This is not only lacking originality, acting and writing, it is extremely offensive. These guys are selling us down the proverbial river!

  3. To make this historically accurate they need to show their OWN people selling them to the white men (Portuguese mostly) on the African coast!

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