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Meanwhile… Let’s See Them Aliens

Meanwhile… Let’s See Them Aliens


YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME
OVER THERE HARVESTING THE BIG,
FILLING, STARCHY VEGETABLES OF NEWS THAT MAKE UP THE BUTTERY
CORN AND HEARTY MASHED POTATOES OF MY MONOLOGUE. BUT WHEN I’M DONE, I LIKE TO
SWEEP UP THE FIBROUS STALKS OF INEDIBLE PLANT MATTER, AND
EXTRACT THE RESIDUAL NEWS GLYCOGEN BY BLASTING THEM WITH
HIGH PRESSURE WATER, ALLOWING THE MILKY RUN-OFF TO EVAPORATE
INTO POWDER, WHICH IS SHAPED INTO RESIN PELLETS, WHICH ARE
MELTED DOWN AND MOLDED INTO A VARIETY OF ORGANIC ECO-FRIENDLY
PLASTICS, LIKE THE BIODEGRADABLE PACKING PEANUTS OF NEWS THAT
MAKE UP MY SEGMENT: “MEANWHILE!”
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) “MEANWHILE!,” RIGHT THERE. THE GLUE THAT HOLDS THIS NATION
TOGETHER.>>Jon: YEAH, UH-HUH.>>Stephen: MEANWHILE YOU MAY
BE FAMILIAR WITH THE AREA 51 GROUP WHO ARE WANTING TO CHARGE
THE GATES TO DEMAND LET’S SEE THEM ALIENS! ALTHOUGH, CONSIDERING AREA 51 IS
MORE LIKELY THEY’LL “SEE THEM TASERS.” ( LAUGHTER )
THIS CAMPAIGN HAS TAKEN THE INTERNET BY STORM, AND CORPORATE
AMERICA WANTS A PIECE. SPECIFICALLY, BUD LIGHT, WHICH
TWEETED, “FREE BUD LIGHT TO ANY ALIEN THAT MAKES IT OUT.” SLOW DOWN, BUD LIGHT. THIS IS A COMPLETELY UNKNOWN
LIFE FORM. WE HAVE NO IDEA IF THESE ALIENS
EVEN DRINK WATER. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT IF ALIEN LIFE IS CONFIRMED, GOOD NEWS: “A FLORIDA COMPANY
OFFERING ‘ALIEN ABDUCTION INSURANCE’ HAS SOLD NEARLY 6,000
POLICIES.” SEEMS KIND OF HARD TO COLLECT
INSURANCE IF YOU’RE A CAPTIVE ON AN ALIEN SPACECRAFT. “HEY, YOU GUYS, THIS IS GOING
GREAT, GOOD JOB. CAN WE HIT PAUSE ON THE PROBE
FOR A SEC? I JUST NEED TO PUT AN ELECTRONIC
SIGNATURE ON THIS PDF. DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO DO
THAT?” MEANWHILE, SHARK! SCIENTISTS DISCOVERED A NEW
SPECIES OF TINY SHARKS THAT GLOW IN THE DARK, AND ARE NAMED “THE
AMERICAN POCKET SHARK.” I’VE SAID IT BEFORE, I’LL SAY IT
AGAIN– STOP NAMING SEA CREATURES BASED ON WHAT PART OF
OUR PANTS THEY FIT IN. HAVE WE FORGOTTEN THE LIVES
RUINED BY THE ZIPPER PIRANHA? ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, “THE AVENGERS.” YES, STILL. ( LAUGHTER )
IN FACT, NOW MORE THAN EVER, BECAUSE OVER THE WEEKEND,
MARVEL’S “AVENGERS: ENDGAME” BEAT “AVATAR” TO BECOME THE
BIGGEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME —
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) — PROMPTING “AVATAR’S”
DIRECTOR, JAMES CAMERON, TO TAKE OUT THIS AD SAYING
“CONGRATULATIONS TO ‘AVENGERS: ENDGAME’ ON BECOMING THE NEW BOX
OFFICE KING.” THING IS, BOTH “AVENGERS” AND
“AVATAR” ARE OWNED BY DISNEY. WHICH EXPLAINS WHY DISNEY ALSO
TOOK OUT THIS AD. (AS MICKEY MOUSE)
“SUCK IT! I GOT ALL THE MONEY!”
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
SECRETARY JULIAN CASTRO.

81 thoughts on “Meanwhile… Let’s See Them Aliens”

  1. This fag wont even dare touch real issues that are going on like the white man who was beaten by the blacks this week…. not one word from this queer.

  2. Omg, my 12yo has been singing nonstop a song he heard on YouTube called "Let's See Dem Aliens", and I had no idea what he was talking about!!! LOL!!

  3. Ugh… What the hell is happening? This guy used to be funny on Comedy Central, now he's just lame! He's making Trevor Noah loom like goddamn Richard Prior!

  4. If it were a real attempt…. We wouldn't know till it was over.
    Can anyone say…"remove all evidence before we get there"

  5. Another anti right propaganda, if the left cant use truth will lose again, and what is the point of left and right if they can eventually use truth, to beat the other ?.

  6. Congratulations Disney, you finally beat Disney to reach the top grossing movie, Disney thought they would keep the crown, to bad Disney showed them what for.

  7. lets just say people get over the walls of area 51 , how they going to get inside?it wont be a fcking door that you can just open it , probaby about 500 people will be left after the rest got slaughterd and they will be standing in front of a bom proof , fingerprint , eyescan door , all thinking : we should have thought this trough

  8. Movies once were about a story or adventure, now just the cash cow matters.
    Now a movie review just lists the box office receipts as if that is a meaningful gauge for entertainment.

  9. Endgame was a horrible movie. Avatar hasn’t held up story-wise, either, but at least has interesting visuals.

  10. When corporations and mass media gets ahold of memes that's when they die, I mean of course lots of people take meme culture too seriously because they forget it doesn't exist in the real world, but goddamn meme culture is one big inside joke and they need to stfu

  11. "Easy Bud Light, we have no idea if these aliens even drink water!"

    Ouch. Apply cold Bud Light to burnt area.

  12. Americans are totally down with rescuing aliens from cages in Area 51, even at the risk to their own lives… so where's the love for all the illegal alien refugees kids from cages? Just sayin…

  13. I just wanna go "congratulations, weirdos, you're only 72 years too late to find anything. The rumoured Roswell incident happened in 1947, and even if something did crash there… what with all the fame garnered by Area 51 in pop culture, with something as highly classified like that, don't you think the american government would have MOVED THE FRIKKIN ALIENS by now??"

  14. I'd like to drink the green beer anyway and with the alien picture on it. I'll buy it! Yes, everybody loves Bud including aliens!

  15. Weeeeeeell, Endgame did that by technically releasing two movies, the second slightly longer than the first, while Avatar did it with only one movie…

  16. The real aliens are the people in the House, the Senate and the presidency! Why not work on that first?

  17. I love how these Meanwhile… intros are becoming more and more elaborate 😆

    Props to The Late Show writing team

  18. it will be fun to see 1.9 million people disappointed when they figure area 51 is just a place where the army keeps old Nokia phones

  19. I swear the prefaces to these Meanwhile… segments are getting more and more extravagantly contrived, and I love it

  20. love the segment, but I'm already tired of the lengthy intros. Fun the first time, but reaching too hard for material…

  21. “Biggest movie audience ever….largest grossing revenue box office movie ever”…. there’s how many more people, bored lazy -empty lives, people on the planet, in the USA now compared to when ever past…

  22. No, bud light bitched out FIRST! Their less tasty water does not belong in the bellies of escaped alien lifeforms.

  23. Oh! He killed bud light with the water joke. In popular view and among my drinking friends they call bud light whores tea…

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