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My Book, Grieving, + Finding a Renewed Sense of Purpose

My Book, Grieving, + Finding a Renewed Sense of Purpose

100 thoughts on “My Book, Grieving, + Finding a Renewed Sense of Purpose”

  1. I have struggled with many things the last few years that have held me back in life. My dad died about 2 weeks ago and we just had his memorial Friday. I have been thinking since he passed about how I never got to show him the me I could be. (If you had asked my dad and my mom now, both would say they were proud either way. But I know I can be so much more). Anyway, I have decided to make certain steps in life to help change it. Hopefully I am able to pull through and actually do them. Your video today has shown me someone with similar ideas going through their head and it feels good.

    P.S. My Grandma, who I luckily still have ( both of them in fact!) Has been one person who always had my back when I was an annoying/hyperactive child. I feel for you because I'm going to feel the same whenever I no longer have her. I wish the best for you and my condolences to you and your family.

  2. Sorry about your loss. You are amazing. You help me. I just got laid off. But there is a reason for everything. God bless you!

  3. Feelin' all the feels with you. You're such a positive inspiration – keep up the good work! Looks like lots of people are listening…

  4. I'm so very sorry!!!!! No one has it all figured out my sweet friend and your doing just fine I find you brave and courageous!!!!!!

  5. Anna, my deepest condolences to you. My grandmother passed away about a year and 4 months ago and we had a bond that was so special. I understand your pain of your grandmother not being able to physically see you accomplish so many things in your life yet. She will always be there with you though. She will always be in your heart and she will be your guardian angel. She would still want you to accomplish all the things you want to and are going to accomplish. Again my deepest condolences to you. This will be hard for a while and everyone grieves in different ways and it takes everyone different amounts of time to grieve. Keep your head high and your chin up.

  6. Thank you for keeping it real 💜❤️💜❤️ My deepest condolences to you and your family. The pain of losing somebody you hold so dear to your heart is real and raw and emotionally stressful.
    You are amazing and your videos really help me when I’m feeling not so great. 💜💜💜

  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my biggest cheerleader and best friend 3 years ago, November, and I don't think I'll ever find one again… I'm trying to be my own but it does feel weird and bad sometimes, even though I'm really awesome and everyone should cheer me, damn it. Anyway, much love your way. Your grandma knows how awesome you are and we do too. <3

  8. Why dont you write a book of memoir about you life with your grandma and growing up, especially if it is funny, or crazy things she said..

  9. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your grandma was so proud of you and the bright, strong, vivacious woman you are and had every faith you would continue being totally wonderful. This stranger is sending love from Norway.

  10. I am so sorry for your loss and if I can just tell you something, as a mom, and obviously she loved you like a mom, is that our love/proud dial is ALWAYS turned all the way up for our kids, it never goes any lower or higher because it's on lock, so I don't think there was anything you could have done to make her any prouder. We always see our kids future and just know they're capable of things They don't even believe they're capable of, so she knew, she didn't need a book or anything. I know I'm right because I know by the way you talk about her, she loved you as much as I love my daughter and that's how I feel about her. When she accomplishes something, yeah I'm proud, but it's like watching a movie twice, I knew she was gonna do it, i knew she could. She went knowing you were going to accomplish all these things and that you can accomplish even more because she believed in YOU.. Sending a big strong hug your way, stay strong chula💪❤

  11. Anna, without your grandmother you may not have been here. Without you here, me and others like me wouldn't be on YouTube. As she obviously inspired you, you inspire all of us ❤ My condolences to you and your family. When I feel insecure about my baby channel…I come to Anna for your joy, laughter and your intelligence. I bet your grandmother taught you that 🙂

  12. I am sorry to hear your grandma passed .I hear that she was a great roll model for you ,instilling values and loving you unconditionally .God is like that he loves you very much .you can talk to Jesus just like you talked to your grandma .He is always listening. praying for you during this extremely hard time.

  13. Big hugs! So sorry for your loss!
    On a different note I can't wait to read your book! Also I love you eyeshadow and shirt! So colorful and fun!

  14. I am sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say that after watching this video I realized I needed to read your book. You inspire me to love who I am in this moment and I thank you for that. Be well and I hope you heal quickly from your loss.

  15. My condolences to you and your family first and foremost. Wow, listening to you talk, we have so many similarities, I feel for you, and I am proud of you and what you have accomplished. You are not your past, your past is what helped you be who you have become. If anything it makes you a better you! (If that makes sense, seeing as that's what I have to remind myself with everyday lol) I thought the same thing, when my step dad passed, who was a real father to me my whole life… I can promise you that everything you feel she won't get to see, she already knew and loved. I still have not accepted that he is gone, and it was 5 years ago, I still have not cried or released it yet.. In part for being strong for my mom and trying to keep his promise to not cry… and partly because I am still living as though he's on a lonnnng vacation somewhere loll… I always seek his advice and it kills when I cannot hear his voice, but in the back of my mind I know what he is saying… You are such a great person, granted I do not know you personally, but I believe I am a great judge of character and from what I see, you have so much to be proud of. I find strength in you when I watch you, and I thank you for sharing your soul, it takes a lot…I love that when I watch you, I can feel how genuine you are, you are not doing this for fame or money, you do it as it is your passion, and this shines through! I cannot wait to read your book, I wish you nothing less than all the amount of awesomeness your heart can hold! xxx (I apologize for the long comment lolll)

  16. Oh hunny i am so sorry for your loss. Know she lives on in your heart and memories. I am who i am because of both of my grandmothers. Both have long passed away but i know they are with me.

  17. Sending all the love your way! <3 my goodness the tears were running down my face the entire video.. this was so touching

  18. Girl you got me crying <3 My grandparents were all gone before I was married or had my daughter. I still miss them all to this day. Sending love to you! xoxo

  19. I cried so much watching you, watching this. I can't imagine grieving so publicly, but your story, this part of it too, is so important and I'm so glad you're supported.

  20. You’re such a doll and I appreciate you’re candid ways more than I can express! God really has a way of knitting life into beautiful patterns even in the rough times. Some things are true whether you believe in them or not so I hope and pray you feel His love 💕 Keep your chin up ✨💕

  21. I am so sorry Anna.. I completely get it. Whereas I had my mother and father.. my father's mother was my cheerleader. She passed unexpectedly when I was 16 the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I had another grandparent pass away, but it was not like losing my Grandma Dake. She was my person. That was in 1986…. I still grieve her loss. Hugs to you.. I love what you share and it does make my days better. I found your videos after my thyroid cancer diagnosis… you truly do help. Your positivity is infectious and you are still going to be making your grandmother proud.

  22. I'm so sorry, She believed in you since day one, and she still does. She is proud of you and she knows, she knows, she knows.

  23. I'm so sorry for your loss. Its hard to lose someone that you love so much but it gets easier with time. My Gram passed in 2001 and I still miss her and think about her daily because she was my second mom. Grieve how you need to and cry when you need to. Just know that she's looking down on all of the good things you're doing with your life and she's smiling and sending you her love and good wishes. Sending you prayers and love.

  24. I'm so sorry for your loss, but your grandma knew you as the women you are today and the woman you will become. Grandmother's know, don't ask how just know they know!! You should be proud of yourself as I know she is. Kudos for your Stepmother, sounds like your surrounded by love. I love you, and you inspire me to love myself, thank you.

  25. Anna. I am so so sorry. I don’t know if you believe in an in-between or something beyond us but within this world, but I know someone who could maybe give you some closure. She is what most people call a medium but she calls herself a messenger. I don’t know if that’s something you’ve ever considered but she has brought peace to so many people. I have a friend that goes to see her every 6months or so, haha. Just to see what’s going on. I don’t know. I just see your pain in this video and I want you to have some peace of mind that your grandma already now knows that you are the person she wanted you to be. 🖤 maybe it won’t be the messenger I know, but it may be an option🖤 sending good vibes your way today and every day.

  26. I’m so sorry for your loss, something I told myself when my closest family members passed that usually helps is that after death, wherever they are, they know and can see everything. They live on through the love the gave us and the love we still have for them. Physically yes, they may not be here but they are never gone. Now they have the best seats in the house to watch over us and guide us. Something else that especially helped me with losing my dad is that I kept thinking how I could never pick up the phone and call him again. But then I realized I don’t have to because I can talk to him and he can hear me anytime. Loss is tough and I am sure you’ll get through this! Take things one day at a time and allow yourself the time to grieve and let yourself feel it.

  27. Awwwe I want to hug you! I raised my niece as my own. My sister (her mother) died when she was 5, then my mother died a year and half later. They won't get to see Rain get married or have kids. At Rain's graduation I cried because they weren't there physically. My Dad died when I was 8, I grew up knowing things I wouldn't do because he wouldn't be part of it. I didn't want that for Rain. So I did my best to make her happy through out her life. Today she's 22 and engaged.

  28. I have been watching your channel since your 1St post when you sat on your bed and felt so awkward lol but since that day i kept watching your video's you had this personality that was warm and inviting.. and now to listen to this i had tears rolling down my face. Im getting chemotherapy just balling in tears. I normally would save your video's and cheap chicks video's to watch while i have my chemotherapy… you guys in a way are my cheerleaders..just in a different sense. Ive been going to my chemo for about 4 months now . Listening to how much we have in common is mind blowing which makes me repect you so much more. My life went from having a normal life taking care of my step children (full time) being the soccor mom working hard to support my family to having nothing. Savings gone! I can barely work no funds coming in other then my husband killing himself to provide. We are about to lose our apartment just i feel as if i wanna find a rock and crawl underneath it and die.. i sit here and i watch your video's and i feel like i can get thru this… its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but i can't wait til i can see it. Thank you for giving me a place that is warm and inviting to express my feelings and not be afraid.

  29. I lost my Grandma a month ago today. I’m crying with you girl! You have a guardian angel now. ❤️❤️ it’s so hard, but hopefully it’ll get easier for both of us!

  30. My most heartfelt condolences to you, you sweetest of hearts.
    And boy can I relate to some of the things you said.
    When my father passed away, I was working with a small construction company. I had bounced around through multiple jobs in my 20's and early 30's – and was scrapping out new construction houses, working with a sheet rock crew when he became ill. He'd always hoped I would pursue my love of art or music, but living in a small town – the opportunities weren't really there, so I took whatever I could get work-wise. But that meant I became too tired and too overworked to do anything with my art or music.

    He passed awayin 2005 when I was 34 – and out of the most difficult couple of years of my life, I started creating art again.

    By 2007 I was signed by an agent.

    Now in 2018, my art can be found all over the world as jigsaw puzzles and cross stitch patterns and various things. I have fans from all corners of the globe. I have met the most incredible people. My husband was able to retire two years ago and join me in a creative life, pursuing his photography rather than going to work for someone else every day.

    Watching your video, I bawled my head off…because I always wish my dad had been here to enjoy this incredible gift I've been given, and to see that I actually did do what he'd always hoped I would do. It's hard. Even with the comfort of knowing that somewhere out there, they know – it's so hard. Because you just want to rush into their warm hug and see the light in their eyes when you tell them of those accomplishments and get silly and giddy and know that they are proud. But your beautiful story and all the amazing things that have happened to you since your grandma's passing have been a balm to hear. <3 I look forward to reading your book and being able to learn about this whole amazing journey of yours. <3

  31. major hugs I'm sorry for your loss and I can't wait to read your book.

    I lost both my moms (one at 13 and the other at 29). When I got married, my dad said they were both there. Your grandmother is still there with you and it's going to hurt and there are days you're going to want to curl up and not get up. That's okay! Please don't let anyone put you on a timeline for grieving either. Almost two decades later, I still cry about that void sometimes. Thank you for putting yourself out here on the interwebs. Again, major hugs!


  33. I am so sorry for your loss Anna. I have been watching your videos for a while, and didn’t realised how much we had in common, even if it’s in a sad way! I too lost my mother as a teenager, and looked to my nana as a mother figure. She also past away in March this year, and I felt like I lost my mother all over again. And my heart broke into millions of pieces and still feels so raw. It’s so hard, and I pray you heal in time. Any way I know for sure your grandmother would have been so proud of you ❤️

  34. So sorry for your loss Anna. Your grandma saw you for who you are and she did see the best parts of you. The parts that will make you a great mom..wife…hugs and prayers hun

  35. So sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs. I heard about your book on Christopher Allen's youtube channel. I added it to my amazon cart for preorder. <3

  36. This is so heart wrenching. I’m so sorry for your loss! You are such a bright light in this world, your grandma is without a doubt proud of you !

  37. I have started and stopped this video several times over the course of a week because I became so emotional that I could not watch it. I finally watched the rest of it and my Thoughts and Prayers are with you and your family. I am so glad that you have a close relationship with your step-mother.

  38. Hi Precious. I wish I were with you to offer you a friendly hug. Instead I offer my prayers unto the Lord Jesus for you. I'm so very sorry that you are saddened. I'm very proud of you , that you are willing to share your intimate feelings with us. As a community family here, your truth forms tighter bonds. It's important that you allow yourself time to grieve in your own way and freely cry. I felt so encouraged at what you said " I just want people to wake up and hate themselves less ". I admire you.

  39. Sweetheart, You might want to take a look at your video. At location 2.47 watch an ORB fly from top right screen, diagonally behind your head. That is no doubt paranormal. That was not falling dust. That is a form of spirit / energy in an ORB manifestation. The Bible teaches that God has blessed every one with a personal guardian angel. I hope you will consider contacting your pastor and show him your video. You are so beautiful in every way.

  40. My aunt was my life she died of breast cancer when I was 19, I'm 50 and the pain never goes away I have had 15 years of counseling and like I said it don't get better n never goes away. I'm sry sweetie but I'm telling U she would be SO very proud of U. Ur beautiful in n out u have a great personality U can sing U have that great voice and ur fun and ur hauls R awesome 🌟 cuz u kno ur self do well. I really love ur channel. And crying is healthy by the way 😪. Did U kno it shows that U care
    about a person when they grieve and U grieve with them so I'm crying with U. Ur awesome 🌟

  41. you grandmother sounds like an amazing human, and i am so sorry for your loss, Anna. you will always make her proud, even if she is not physically here to see you succeed.

  42. I feel bad that I’m just now getting to this video. I’m so sorry Anna! Sending my love and hope,you’re doing better. ❤️

  43. Im so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to lose a loved one that we hold so close to our hearts. This got me right in the feels today. I cried right along with you for this video.

    Also I looooove your eyeshadow in this video.

  44. I totally get it my grandmother was my best friend and even though she was 93 when she passed away I wasn’t planning on it I didn’t properly get myself ready for the day that she wouldn’t be here it just didn’t even enter my mind because she was the one person that I ever had in my life that was truly my family -my mom my dad and I could always count on her. Just remember that your grandmother and my grandmother are aware of what’s going on they are seeing us from wherever they are and they are proud.

  45. I'm so sorry about your grandma! And yes, honey, she will see you get married, have babies, and go on with you through your life! She's your angel that will be with you forever, until you meet again. Best wishes on your book!! Hugs, prayers and love to you…xoxo

  46. Hugs and healing love being sent your way Anna! I was very very close with my grandma too and still grieve that loss even though it's been 10 years. Hold on to the great memories and know she is still with you and watching over you!!!!❤

  47. I know you're sad right now but I believe your Grandma already saw your book and all the other good things you'll achieve from a long way off. That's why she supported you even without direct evidence all those years. She knew. She always knew.

  48. Unconditional love means your grandmother knew you were going to be and do something beautiful in your life. She’s still with you.

  49. She will live on in your memory and be with you through all those future moments. Death is only final when you're forgotten. Keep her memory alive.

  50. Sending so much love to you.❤️i love my stepmom so much and I’m 65. She stood up for me when i was about 20, when no one else in my family would, and I’ve had so much respect for her ever since. xxx

  51. So sorry sweetie..ur Grandmother has always been proud of you!! She is watching over you right now!! You are a strong and wonderful person!! And beautiful too!! IM SO GLAD you have the ring story and another Mom figure in ur life!!

  52. I know this is old video but she knows. She knows how far you have come. And do not doubt how proud she is.

  53. I feel your Grandma around you so much. She is watching you and can see how amazing you are and she is proud of you and all you are achieving!

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