-Now, we’re coming up
on the Super Bowl, and everyone is really excited! Are you guys excited?! [ Cheers and applause ] Football can be really fun. But, you know, the NFL does have
a lot of issues. And one that doesn’t
get discussed enough is the cheerleaders. Am I right?
[ Cheers and applause ] Now, I believe that NFL cheerleaders
don’t get enough credit. See, with the stunts they do,
they can’t have any drops. And not just for safety reasons, but for fans of teams like, I
don’t know, the Miami Dolphins. [ Laughter ] The cheerleaders
are the only squad on the field they can rely on
to make a catch. [ Laughter, groaning ] [ Cheers and applause ] But beyond that,
there’s a huge pay difference between players
and cheerleaders. The average NFL player
makes $2.1 million a year. -Wow.
-And the average NFL cheerleader only makes $75,000
to $150,000 a year. Oh, no, sorry, no, wait,
I read that wrong. NFL cheerleaders only make
$75 to $150 a game. Y’all, that’s like the price
of one stadium beer. Let’s be real.
[ Laughter ] Plus, cheerleaders have to cover
the cost of their own practices, travel, and makeup. Yeah. One cheerleader estimated
that after all of her expenses, she only made $300 profit
in a year. [ Audience ohs ]
Yeah. The pay is so bad that each member is required to
have a separate full-time job. Yo, that sounds a lot like
hosting a 1:30 a.m. talk show. What? This is not about me,
but I’m just saying. I’m just saying, though. [ Cheers and applause ] This pay disparity is even more
insulting when you realize that cheerleaders
are literally cheering for millionaires
to have a good day! [ Laughter ] And to make things worse, if you
want to be an NFL cheerleader, you have to pay an application
fee to even try out. Why would you pay money for
the opportunity to go into debt? Y’all, that’s what
college is for. [ Laughter and applause ] But outside of
not getting paid enough, NFL cheerleaders are also
expected to follow strict rules. They have to make
unpaid appearances at anything from team events
to corporate fundraisers to car dealership openings.
-What? -Meanwhile, most NFL players
are only expected to show up at practice, games, and court
dates for beating their wives. [ Audience oohs ] [ Cheers and applause ] I said what I said.
I said what I said. And the rules for cheerleaders are filled with
double standards. Did you know — This is real — Cheerleaders aren’t even allowed
to talk to NFL players. Even if a player
approaches a cheerleader first, she’s the one who’s disciplined. So if they’re at a party and an NFL player shows up,
they have to leave. Which I guess is actually
good advice for any woman, let’s be real. [ Laughter and applause ] And, y’all, this is awful. I can’t even believe
I have to say this. This is a real rule in the Buffalo Bills
cheerleading handbook. It’s stated that cheerleaders
have to change their tampons every four hours. [ Audience groans ] Which is much more strict than the rules
for the Detroit Red Wings. [ Laughter ] You get it. You get it. And the rules about appearance
are especially harsh. One team supposedly
required their cheerleaders to do jiggle tests, in which
their weight was scrutinized while they did jumping jacks, while other teams demand
cheerleaders stay within 3 pounds
of their audition weight. That’s ridiculous. If I take a deep enough breath
right now, I’ll gain 3 pounds. Let’s be real. Plus, some of these requirements
are straight-up racist, with rules against curly hair
and certain hair colors. Guys, these are real women, not characters
you designed in “Sims.” Do better. [ Cheers and applause ] On TV broadcasts, there’s this
thing called the honey shot, where they cut away
from the game, and they show
cheerleaders dancing. Andy Sidaris, the guy who
actually coined the term, said, and I quote — I’m not
making this up, direct quote — “I got the idea for honey shots
because I am an old, dirty man.” [ Audience groans ] And we can tell. And the term
“honey shot” is disgusting. I mean, I assume
it’s called that because it makes
guys at home sticky. [ Laughter ] Ya nasties! Nasty!
[ Cheers and applause ] And yet, despite
being told to be sexy, they can’t even own
their own sexuality. In fact, one cheerleader
was even fired for posting a lingerie picture
on Instagram. -What?
[ Audience gasps ] -But this is a picture
of the lingerie. And this is her uniform. [ Audience groans ] The lingerie is more covered up!
What is the problem? Is that lace? I mean, if so, do not let the NFL
near your grandma’s curtains, or they’re fired!
[ Laughter ] Now, to help me
finish this monologue, I want to do something special. So please help me welcome the
“A Little Late” cheerleaders! [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ Yas! Yes. Okay. You ready, ladies?
Give me an “F”! -“F”!
-Give me a “U”! -“U”!
-Give me a “F-U” to the double standards
these cheerleaders face. -“F-U!”