Articles Blog

SEC Shorts – McConaughey hijacks stadium speaker after LSU game

SEC Shorts – McConaughey hijacks stadium speaker after LSU game

*mic taps* After that game, I am absolutely not…alright alright alright. What in the sam hell is going on here? It’s Matthew McConaughey. He’s locked himself inside the stadium announcer booth. You gotta be kidding me. Matthew? Come on out, buddy. Open up. *mic feedback* Our DB’s are worse than season 2 of True Detective. Come on now ain’t nothin that terrible. Look this is bad ok? The good people of Austin are already a little rustled from this loss to LSU. Last thing they need is the Minister of Culture going rogue on the loudspeakers. Now you get down to facilities and get someone to open up this door. Yes sir. Man oh man. Can you imagine if Colt hadn’t gotten hurt? Yeah. We woulda ran em outta the stadium. Well hey guess what I got out here. It’s your old buddy, Lee Corso. Just standing out here waiting for you to embarrass him on national television again. All you gotta do is open..the door. Look it should be this one but he’s done something to the door. I can’t get it open. I can keep stalling him but we’re gonna need to get that door open pronto. Hey come on now, Matt. We all saw the Sugar Bowl last year. Texas is back, Baby! Oh Texas is back alright. Back to giving up over 500 yards of total offense. Ok. So when do we start talking about bringing in the SWAT Sniper team? What!? No! Ok ok just brainstorming here. No bad ideas. All I’m saying is that he’s gonna have Texas fans thinking that we are in fact..not back. That’s what I love about these high school recruits, man. We keep losing, they go to the other schools. He starts quoting Failure to Launch, I’m ripping the door off the hinges. Robert you are not helping. 3rd and 17 is a flat circle. What if we try to bribe him with this? Now what are the chance he’s in there with a shirt on? Good point. Knock knock. Oh did y’all hear that? He’s trying to communicate. Y’all hush. Knock knock. Ok..who’s there? DB DBWHO? That’s the joke. I think it’s a DBU joke. But since they sucked we’re not good anymore. Yeah that one’s a stretch. Well y’all, at least Oklahoma doesn’t have a Baker or Kyler anymore. No they have an accomplished senior. He’s been to two National Championship games. He’s blown the doors off of Big 12 defenses. Awe man. Look.. Matthew McConaughey has given so much back to this University. So much of himself. Maybe…just maybe… We should let him grieve in his own way. I think we owe him that. Well….alright. In case you forgot… That loss to Kansas is only 3 years old. So…SWAT team snipers? Yup.

100 thoughts on “SEC Shorts – McConaughey hijacks stadium speaker after LSU game”

  1. Poor fella didn’t even know about Jalen Hurts!! He’s gonna be knee deep in whiskey after he watches that game 😂

  2. Neither team could declare themselves DBU Saturday. Both allowed over 500 yards. Both allowed over 38 points. LSU's defense didn't look conditioned nor prepared for the heat. I've never seen more defensive players on the ground.

  3. Must have been written by Kirk "gotta give a blow job to the SEC" Herbstreet or however you say it…
    Gotta say though…still funny… Hook em

  4. Texas has great offense. Too bad the defense is absolute garbage. LSU didn't fare to well either. The only reason LSU won is because of a dropped td pass by Texas on 4th and goal early in the 1st.

  5. Texas gave up 425 yards passing to La Tech the week prior. I’d be shocked if LSU didn’t do it too. Why they thought the DBU shirts were a good idea, I’ll never know. What a way to poke the lion.

  6. Well, I was kind of hoping for Tennessee to get hit two weeks in a row, but I guess Rocky Top being seized by Mormons makes that redundant.

  7. LSU played like shit and still won. Defense was soft and offense was weak. Had no run game and couldn’t make tackles. How was LSU defense the only ones cramping on the field other than lack of conditioning? Hopefully they pick it up before conference games start.

  8. A simple GIF of Weeping Swearing Burnt Orange Surrender Cobra Kid woulda sufficed. But this was a decent sketch. 👍🏼

  9. OK, they lost a close game to LSU. Y'all still too scared to let them reignite the A&M rivalry…

    Also, Their recruits don't keep going to other schools… Its weird, they're always top 5 in recruiting. They're gonna be a 3 loss team. 1 to LSU and 2 to OU lol.

  10. I am no Texas lover. I do love Georgia. But…I remember UGA getting taken out behind the woodshed in that game…when it mattered MOST.

  11. " Now what are the chances he's in there with a shirt on?" Classic! I think Matthew McConaughey will even laugh at that one!

  12. SEC Shorts gonna be nice to LSU and claim us for doing what we've always done and the SEC doesn't, win big OOC games. Don't act like we're cool now.

  13. If Colt McCoy was healthy Texas would've killed Bama. They would've kept the momentum from the Blake Gideon pick on 4th and 23, and Colt wouldn't have thrown that shuttle pass, or fumbled it at the end.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *