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Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay

Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay


Welcome back to Sports Dome.
It’s the startling conffession that has the whole sports world buzzing. Soccer has come out of the coloset to tell
the world it’s gay. A FIFA spokesperson made the announcement at
a press conference earlier today. -Soccer is not ashamed of what it is.
Soccer is a gay sport. Youth league soccer, the MLS, even the world
cup, all of it is completely gay. Joining us now to discuss the impact of all
of this, is OSN Senior Analyst, Reggy Greengrass. Reggy, why did soccer choose to come out now?
-Mark league officials said that soccer was just tired of pretending to be something
it’s not. Deep down, soccer is about a bunch of guys
running around not touching poke-adot ball not touching it with their hands.
It shouldn’t have to hide how gay it is. -Now, will this change the way the game is
played? -No. If anything I think we’ll see a firmer
committment to the gayest parts of soccer, -Interesting.
-Players will free now to do their bicycle kicks, juggle the ball with their
knees. And generally just be as gay as they want to
be without worrying about what people think. -You know it must have been difficult for
soccer to hide the fact that it’s gay for so long.
-Absolutely. From ancient Greece to modern day France,
there has never been a time when soccer, wasn’t extremely gay. -Yeah and as recently as 1885 a London
tabloid ran a salacious story about soccer. -Rummors like that are what caused soccer to
go great lengths to hide it’s secret. We saw in the early 90’s when soccer tried
to project an overly macho image. Headlines by Alexi Lala. -Well in retrospect it’s so obvious soccer
was just over-compensating. -Yeah, apparently it wasn’t until David
Beckham came along that soccer began to edge it’s way out of the closet. -Yeah, and there’s even been some backlash
from within soccer. 16 year old Varsity high-school player Jeff
Goetter, he released a statement saying “I don’t
condone or accept soccer being gay, I don’t like gay things, I don’t like being
around gay things.” -Hey look. Of course alot of people arn’t
prepared to play a gays sport. -Right. -But fact of the matter is, soccer’s out.
It’s proud, it’s gonna tell the world, “look at me, I’m
gay! Yeah I’m gay.” -Gay things comes in all shapes and sizes.
Thanks Reg. When we come back, americas top high school
masscot has signed a letter of intent, to annoy people in UCLA. -Alot of networks report the news as it
happens. But only one has the power to report the
news before it happens. Through our state of the art Worm-Hole
Satelite, the Onion News Network Future Channel
brings you exclusive news transmissions, from the year 2137. Because to stay ahead in today’s world, you
need to know what’s going to happen in tomorrows.

100 thoughts on “Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay”

  1. Why so many Europeans think that being gay is something offencive? Didn't know that you're so homophobic. Especially, for somebody who loves such a gay-sport like sucker… oh, I mean soccer.

  2. european soccer-interested man here, i dont get the comment outrage.

    though i guess this is what happens when you expose such an immature and ignorant audience to such a progressive movement

  3. I don't get it. Why Americans in the comment section (I believe they are Americans) think only Europeans play football/soccer? Football is not doubt is one of the most popular sport in the world. Somehow Americans only think only Europeans playing it. Meh.

  4. It never occurred to me before, but could this be an actual coming out disguised as a sketch? When the guy at the end says, "look at me, I'm gay, I'm gay", perhaps he's actually gay and this was a subtle, funny way of stating it publicly.

  5. Why Americans not open minded touching and pushing is normal in soccer looks like braidead Americans that got no life

  6. Luckily, swimming could never be gay, what's gay about getting wet with a bunch of other men in thongs?

    *nervously eats popcorn*

  7. What the fuck Even is soccer, that's a gay name. Football, now that's a great sport. Not the bullshit sport Americans play, the REAL football

  8. Just because USA sucks dicks at football, it does not mean it's gay.
    Git Gud USA, and stop crying plz.

  9. The first sport that comes to mind when you hear gay sport has to be Handegg. No competition. Soccer doesn't even come close.

  10. I know its the Onion, but I think that the people whose national sport consists of big hunky men in fetish gear wrestling another guy down to grab his one ball might be projecting a little…

  11. They've got a point, soccer is sometimes about a bunch of men with nice haircuts tripping over imaginary things, and pretending they didn't touch each other , and then causing a drama and crying to the referee like children.
    But what's really funny, is that in Europe all the soccer/football teams are used by the public as an instrument for them to vent their anger in a kind of tribal social bonding exercise (which is healthy), you shout for your team, you insult the other team, you get "firms" that organise to fight each other after the game. You don't get that in badminton competitions……. You don't even get that in rugby, where men settle their differences between themselves, and have the upmost respect for the refereeing team.

    I know this is the onion, but i actually think they're on to something here

  12. It’s funny how gay all Americans are all wanna marry ther cousins fuckin hill Billy’s no one likes them the whole world is so beautiful except that shit hole called America

  13. It is soòo gay, that goes for all sports and their gay ass fans…. Boxing and ufc is cool for watching people have a fishy but football to basketball and baseball….. Holy fk… Gotta hate sports fans.

  14. oh please, football has muscular sweaty men tackling each other over a weirdly shaped ball. how is that not gay?

  15. 1% of comments: butthurt soccer fans who are mad about the video

    The other 99%: complaining about butthurt soccer fans who are mad about the video

  16. Right. Is it just me that is the only person only seeing comments whinging about cunts being butt hurt and naecunt acc being butt hurt. Lit if fitbaws gay then Andrew Roberson better be the gayest of them all

  17. WOW look at those dislikes indicating some perplexing defensiveness over something completely absurd that doesn't require any defensiveness…. hmm…

  18. Do you remember the time when we were walking to the store and we saw that guy fucking a goat and I laughed and you said Stop maaaking fun of my daaaaaaaaaaaad!

  19. Onion have joked about about greedy Jews, the holocaust, black people, Asians and so much more. But this is what they get the most hate for??

  20. Soccer sucks and its gay in USA.
    Fortunately we have FOOTBALL, A WORLD KNOWN SPORT were people mostly kick a spherical ball with their feet. Football is manly in the world, soccer gay in USA XD

  21. Wait what happened? Whats with the dislikes?

    Soccer fans triggered?
    Or gays troggered coz theyre being associated with soccer?

    Nah just idiots taking this seriously.

  22. Breaking news american football tested to be clinically retarded while local fans mistake full time for a break in play. Stayed cheering for an hour before anyone realised something seemed fishy.

  23. Soccer its gay, good thing the sport its called football and its play with feet and a ball you god damn backwards ass obese cheeseburger eating fucks. I love the onion.

  24. I have never been much of a Sports fan, Born and live in London UK, and I'm old enough to remember the IRA bombing campaigns in London ( sorry to go all serious ) and the football violence of the 70s & 80s. How times have changed, I don't think making a joke like this when football related violence was at its peak here in the UK would have been tolerated, I can't imagine anyone joking like this about football back then. I'm sorry if there has been a bit of a backlash against this comidy sketch. To be fair, it always seemed a bit odd that America was one of the few countries in the world that never played football, and that play's team sports that no other, or very few ( please correct me if I'm wrong ) countries compete in. Some great comidy from this channel here, glad I found onion news.

  25. This was so good, but americans are the real butthurts here. They wouldn't do this sketch if football wasn't the best sport in the world. 4 billion fans around the world and americans still can't see football's importance, so they have to make it gay.

  26. Comment Section of this Video:
    50% These butthurt soccer players are so funny to watch
    49.9% 7.2K "X" disliked
    .1% Butthurt soccer players

    I see the like to dislike ratio but where are these people?

  27. A lot of people here miss the point, Soccer fans aren't mad for calling their sport gay,, they are mad because people fucking calling it soccer and not football.

  28. I'm from Australia and I like contact sports but I also like soccer. The thing I don't like though is the gay diving around and pretending your hurt. I don't care if it wins your team a penalty or worse gets the other team sent off(Neymar) Play fairly. This is the part of soccer that people are calling gay not really the sport itself. Also the low scoring can be boring. Growing up in Australia we are taught not to go down easy or let your opponent knock you down playing rugby or Australian rules football, so if I play soccer I'm not letting anyone knock me down even if I can win a penalty. One more thing Griezmann diving in the world cup against Australia and in the world cup final against Croatia a disgrace.

  29. I wanted to read the comments on the triggered people who disliked this video, but all I can find are the comments about those comments:/

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