Welcome back to Sports Dome.
It’s the startling conffession that has the whole sports world buzzing. Soccer has come out of the coloset to tell
the world it’s gay. A FIFA spokesperson made the announcement at
a press conference earlier today. -Soccer is not ashamed of what it is.
Soccer is a gay sport. Youth league soccer, the MLS, even the world
cup, all of it is completely gay. Joining us now to discuss the impact of all
of this, is OSN Senior Analyst, Reggy Greengrass. Reggy, why did soccer choose to come out now?
-Mark league officials said that soccer was just tired of pretending to be something
it’s not. Deep down, soccer is about a bunch of guys
running around not touching poke-adot ball not touching it with their hands.
It shouldn’t have to hide how gay it is. -Now, will this change the way the game is
played? -No. If anything I think we’ll see a firmer
committment to the gayest parts of soccer, -Interesting.
-Players will free now to do their bicycle kicks, juggle the ball with their
knees. And generally just be as gay as they want to
be without worrying about what people think. -You know it must have been difficult for
soccer to hide the fact that it’s gay for so long.
-Absolutely. From ancient Greece to modern day France,
there has never been a time when soccer, wasn’t extremely gay. -Yeah and as recently as 1885 a London
tabloid ran a salacious story about soccer. -Rummors like that are what caused soccer to
go great lengths to hide it’s secret. We saw in the early 90’s when soccer tried
to project an overly macho image. Headlines by Alexi Lala. -Well in retrospect it’s so obvious soccer
was just over-compensating. -Yeah, apparently it wasn’t until David
Beckham came along that soccer began to edge it’s way out of the closet. -Yeah, and there’s even been some backlash
from within soccer. 16 year old Varsity high-school player Jeff
Goetter, he released a statement saying “I don’t
condone or accept soccer being gay, I don’t like gay things, I don’t like being
around gay things.” -Hey look. Of course alot of people arn’t
prepared to play a gays sport. -Right. -But fact of the matter is, soccer’s out.
It’s proud, it’s gonna tell the world, “look at me, I’m
gay! Yeah I’m gay.” -Gay things comes in all shapes and sizes.
Thanks Reg. When we come back, americas top high school
masscot has signed a letter of intent, to annoy people in UCLA. -Alot of networks report the news as it
happens. But only one has the power to report the
news before it happens. Through our state of the art Worm-Hole
Satelite, the Onion News Network Future Channel
brings you exclusive news transmissions, from the year 2137. Because to stay ahead in today’s world, you
need to know what’s going to happen in tomorrows.