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The Next Karate Kid Breakdown


the original Karate Kid series showed us
how an extremely awkward teenager could rise above adversity and become an
extremely awkward teenager who also has a pretty sweet karate trophy the next
karate kid also answered the long-standing question fans have had
forever what is Miyagi’s first name Wow
there you go for what it’s worth my money was on Doug Doug Miyagi Miyagi
goes to a world war two service to honor Japanese soldiers and runs into his old
friends Widow Louisa Louisa’s granddaughter Julie lives with
her and is played by Oscar winner Hilary Swank
she didn’t win an Oscar for this movie oh oh god no I mean can you imagine the
Oscars would lose all credibility oh heavens no. Susan! My name is Julie my mother’s
name was Susan she was killed in a car accident with my father and they’re both
dead. Are they just meeting for the first time. Louisa is at her wits end and
doesn’t know how to help Julie get over the death of her parents so Miyagi makes
a very cryptic and Miyagi like suggestion Suggest Louisa-san water flowers. Flower in Miyagi garden Is that like a sex thing like we know
what Miyagi’s talking about but Louise’s mine has to be going to some pretty dark
places and she might be starting to regret letting Myiagi into her home so
Julie a troubled teen was seeking any sort of stability learns that Louisa her
grandmother sole provider and homeowner is gonna leave Boston to go stay at
Myagi’s house on the opposite side of the country while Miyagi a man she’s
known for all of two minutes will stay in Louisa’s house and take care of Julie
it was this really the most direct way to get Miyagi to train someone so after
a rightfully awkward car ride with this old man that just conned her grandmother
out of her own house Julie goes to school when we get to meet Ned who’s a
member of the Alpha elite you know and ned really makes you miss Johnny
Lawrence but tomorrow night take it down to the
docks.Dream on hey I mean hell I’d take Mike Barnes
over Ned most girls in this school Ned is what you would get of Johnny Lawrence
and Mike Barnes had a baby and that baby was only raised learning the Quicksilver
method also Ned? nothing against guys named Ned but it doesn’t really strike
fear into my heart like say someone named Gareth or Julian might and Michael
Ironside plays the lovable guidance counselor Colonel Dugan whose number-one
goal is helping his students I’m just kidding it’s Michael Ironside of course
he’s a bad guy the only time he wasn’t a bad guy was
when he played a one-armed Space Marine battling giant killer bugs that was his
down-to-earth feel-good role Colonel Dugan is the overseer of the Alpha elite
he’s kind of like the Palpatine to Ned’s Vader actually that’s giving Ned too
much credit say Dugan is the job of the Hutt – Ned
salacious crumb I’m not sure what the purpose of the Alpha elite is are they
just goon squad enforcers are they – school police I caught this young lady
smoking cigarettes oh my god they’re tattletales that’s not cool at all and
Julie meets Eric McGowen who was a security guard in training and is also a
member of the Alpha elite Eric doesn’t fit in with the rest of the Alpha elite
because he doesn’t violently shake Julie like a rag doll once this entire scene
poseur the Alpha elite meet after school and their lesson plan seems to consist
entirely of the students trying to kick Duggan’s ass Miyagi intervenes because
he doesn’t like seeing adults abuse their authority and harm children and he
has seen a lot of kids getting harmed by adults well actually it was always the
same kid but yeah he still doesn’t like it hello
I wouldn’t necessarily be concerned with who he is I would be mortified that any
adult witnessed me beating the shit out of children so Miyagi still trying to
get to know Julian they hit a couple rough patches Will you just stay out of my life. Stop telling me what to do. Try to teach you something. teach me, you can’t even speak english whoa easy now just a couple steps away
from telling him to speak American Julie runs off in a huff and almost gets
hit by a car but manages to jump on the roof of the car through the magic of
piss-poor editing like I don’t know I’m in terrible shape I still think I could
do that she agrees to let Myiagi train her but Miyagi learns that Julie is nowhere
near as easy to manipulate as Daniel was first we wax a car. forget it I’m not waxing
anybody’s car also I would love a scene that shows Daniel trying to teach Louisa
karate in California and Louisa is just having a miserable time young man I just
want to finish my book I don’t want to whack seventeen cars no Louise it’ll be
great I can teach you everything I know and then we eventually open up our own
dojo Daniel and Louise’s little dojo is simple direct it’s catchy
Julie sneaks into the school after dark we find that she has an injured pet Hawk
named Angel and a cage on the roof but she gets caught by Ned and the rest of
the Alpha elite and so if you’re a member of the Alpha elite you have to
patrol the school after hours for no pay why the hell would you want to be in
that Club Julie, what’s going on? You here for an education oh my god that’s why given Ned’s
previous statements Julia’s in tremendous danger right now
Julie manages to escape but gets caught by the police and gets suspended for two
weeks Miyagi uses this time to take Julie to a
Buddhist monastery to teach her the true ways of karate and how to handle her
anger issues. Where’d you learn it? From father I always thought it came from Buddhist
temples and stuff like that You watch too much TV
so Daniel was right just couldn’t let him have that one could you Miyagi and
on the way they get accosted by wannabe rapists at a gas station
how many rapists live around here Miyagi teaches Julie a lot of important karate
skills like patience discipline respect and oh my god forced perspective
apparently holy hell I thought that rock was big and really far away that threw
me for a loop like doesn’t it look like she’s on top of a tall ledge like a good
20 feet above where that Zen garden is I thought the Zen garden was the size of a
football field oh man and that guy back there just completes the illusion I
don’t need a minute at dinner one night Julie tries to kill a cockroach at the
table and all the monks leave and proceeded to snub her for the next three
days and she’s told by Miyagi that nothing has ever killed within monastery
walls but if I was a monk I would be simultaneously mortified that not only
did I have a cockroach crawling on a table while entertaining guests but that
also one of my guests would be more than willing to split her cockroach guts and
whatever is on the bottom of their shoe all over my nice dining room table no
one is in the right here Julie manages to get back in the monks good graces by
giving one of them a praying mantis as is the custom in this faraway land of
just outside of Boston the monks celebrate Julie’s birthday by offering
her one wish and one gift her wish is that the monks will visit her in Boston
and her gift is the head monk trying to murder miyagi
even though she very clearly said that she needs Miyagi alive because he is her
ride home but of course Miyagi cannot be killed by
mortal weapons Miyagi say you come at the King you best
not miss em am I allowed to do a Miyagi impression like is this cool Julie goes
back to school and finds that Ned called Animal Control on Angel and then Julian
Erik are in a desperate race against time to get angel back before she’s
using that oh no they got her back did did I miss several scenes here nope they
literally got her back right away it’s almost like that scene was completely
unnecessary but that seems weird this movies been on top of it so far I mean I
guess they did it to further drive home the fact that Ned is awful but he did
vaguely threaten to rape Julie so the audience pretty much knows that Ned is a
piece of *bleep* at this point it’s crystal clear also no matter how docile a hawk
may seem I’m never getting in a car with one if that thing gets spooked Julie and
Miyagi are *bleep* so they released angel back into the wild because she finally
had the confidence to fly and yes next Karate Kid I get the symbolism. I took half a semester of film studies I think I know what I’m talking about
Julie gets asked to the prom by Erik and so this movie about karate finally
begins to focus on we all came to see preparations for formal dances Miyagi
buys Julie a dress and teaches Julie the sacred art of dance fighting and Miyagi..you’re scratching the floor. Myagi this is not your house that’s a very
difficult part Miyagi measure you while you sleep try to make karate lesson out
of it but wasn’t happening and seriously this isn’t offensive is it I mean it’s
coming from a place of respect yeah I just don’t know because like
broken English is Miyagi’s thing I’m not perpetuating some Asian stereotype or
anything am i and then Julie learns the hard way that if you ask a group of
monks to come visit you just to be polite there is a very real chance that
they will actually take you up on it at the dance everything is going well until
Ned and the Alpha elite bungee jump into the gym this is real smart Ned I think
you broke your buddy’s arm here at least he was brave enough to try it mind your own business you crashed in
the middle of a school dance while bungee jumping from only 40 feet up we
are all in this business is Dugan there is an official chaperone for the dance
or is he a teacher who’s just hanging out at the dance
Ned follows them home and challenges Eric to a fight at the docks and Eric
drives to the docks without Julian finds Ned and the rest of the Alpha elite
waiting oh and Dugan is there I love that in the Karate Kid universe it’s
perfectly natural for adults to have blood feuds with children and they blow
up Eric’s car Jesus Christ this is a high school club engaging in borderline
terrorism should be worth noting that Ned and the others are juveniles so the only
one looking at any serious jail time is gonna be Dugan finish em off what does
that mean like murder him or beat him unconscious
neither are good options we don’t have to find out how deep dugan’s bloodlust
runs because Miyagi and Julie show up and Julia challenges Ned to a fight mr.
Miyagi If I’m ever gonna respect myself I have to
do this Julie-san right, now is time Miyagi goes against all of his previous
advice and agrees that Julie has to fight Ned if she’s ever gonna respect
herself I’m starting to think that Miyagi was less interested in mentoring
a wayward child as he wasn’t having a free place to stay for a few weeks I
feel like there was a subplot that they deleted from the final film in which
Miyagi is digging in Louise’s basement to locate some Nazi gold that he learned
that his buddy had hidden away that’s the only explanation that makes sense
and Ned quickly realizes that women are less easy to subdue without the aid of
rohypnol Ned grabbed boob wait for Ned so Ned
gets his ass kicked and then Dugan challenges Miyagi to a fight thus making
the biggest mistake of his life which is impressive given his lifestyle and as
far as final showdowns go it’s slightly underwhelming actually both of these epic final fights
total about one minute of screen time we literally spent more time watching
Miyagi pick out a dress and then Miyagi finishes dougan off with old man breath and then sensing that he’s no longer in
any danger Erik walks over and drives a shiv into
Dugan’s neck I can’t show it on YouTube but it is horrific and so that’s it
julie has learned self confidence and how to let go and ned learned that he
sucks Dugan’s dead and Louisa I’m just gonna
go on record and say that she missed her connecting flight is now stuck in
Philadelphia with none of her luggage having made the trip it’s about the only
outcome for Louisa because she was so unnecessary to this plot

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