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why i left school

why i left school


okay this video you know, i’m a little, i’m on edge okay, i’m a little bit on edge because I’ve kinda been putting this off i don’t know. It’s not like anything i’ve ever made before I’m like nervous but i really want to tell you guys more about what’s going on in my life, because there’s a certain part of my life that i feel like I’m kind of hiding, from you guys. And, this isn’t fucking clickbait. This isn’t like some sort of like let me just get into it, i guess. so, this is kind of going to be a combination of the story of why I left school, combined with why i started my youtube channel. and it all kind of ties in together, and it’s kind of just my story. I don’t know. like, not my story of my whole life, this isn’t like a draw my life here’s kinda…what happened i guess let’s start out with why i started my youtube channel So, i’m a junior in high school, right now. I’m 16. Junior in high school. blah blah blah okay, flash backwards to sophomore year. the end of the year, second semester. to put it in simple terms i was just having a shitty time like ass i maybe showed up to school 3 times a week i couldn’t fucking do it. like i would just sit in class and i would just cry like i don’t even know why. it wasn’t my school’s fault. it wasn’t anyone’s fault i just didn’t like the environment i totally had too much on my plate. at this point i wasn’t even doing youtube yet, mind you this was when i was literally just in school like that was my only like kind of thing that i was doing in my life towards the end of the year, I i had became severely depressed i couldn’t go to school. I couldn’t hang out with my friends i had completely cut off all my friends i didn’t hang out on the weekends i didn’t do anything. And it sucked. i mean it really fucking sucked. and of course, i’m pretty sure everyone’s probably felt something close to it. whether it’s in a very small or a very large kind of way second semester of sophomore year was probably one of the worst times i’ve had i didn’t even come to the last day of school the last day of school was June first the day before that was May 30th right? i think. yeah. on May 30th i took my driver’s test i failed. i was fucking so sad because to me getting my license was like this will give me a way to escape, ya know if i’m having a hard day if i’m feeling fucking depressed as hell and i just like want to have some time to myself if i just wanna like go and get food, by myself if i just want to like spend time by myself i felt like having my license was something that could give me that and so i was kinda connecting getting my drivers license with like having an escape from what i was going through so when i failed my test my depression immediately got worse I mean it was so bad like I literally couldn’t get out of my bed thus I didn’t go to school the last day, which was the last day of school so i was really upset and i ended up talking to my dad for like i don’t know two and a half hours or something just about, like, what am i gonna do? like, i need something that can, like, help me escape from what i’m going through thus, i started my youtube channel. First video I posted was, like, a lookbook, or something. right. May 30th was such a f***king sh*ty day for me I was like, I need to like get my head out of this immediately I want to just like start a YouTube channel. I don’t know why. I just wanted to do that. So then, the next day, I went to San Francisco with my dad He filmed the video for me next day I post it, it was up and all this began over the summer I was posting almost everyday. for a while there I was just like vlogging all my vacation I mean I was hardcore on that youtube grind like you best believe I loved it it was so great fully pulled me out of my depression 100 percent in the beginning there I didn’t even care who how many people like saw my video I didn’t care about my views I didn’t care about my subscribers I didn’t, like, not that I didn’t care about my subcribers But I didn’t care about the number of subscribers I had I was just excited to be doing something new with my life like I was just excited to be starting a new journey with my life, I guess it kinda gave me this feeling of hope that depression wasn’t ruling my life I had something else that was making me happy, and that was YouTube and it still, to this day continues to do that for me and I’m eternally grateful, if that’s even the right word to use fast-forward to the end of summer I kinda rekindled my friendships with some of friends and, I was kinda back to normal i wasn’t depressed anymore i was almost fully outta that i wasn’t.. i was really emotionally stable like, i could have a shitty ass day and like at the end of the day I would still be smiling, ya know it was good, i was really stable start school, junior year and i’ve always been somebody who is super into school if you will i really work hard at school i really put a lot of effort into school it’s something that i’ve always prioritised as my number one thing that was like what i thought my future was i thought that my future was gonna like be determined by what my grades were etc. and that’s why i put so much effort into it but for me, during this year, i started out and I, of course, i was taking a lot of AP’s and I was taking a lot of honours and it was… it was a lot! and I quickly fell back into a very, very depressed state and it was very hard for me to film videos it was very hard for me to edit videos I remember there were multiple nights where I pulled all-nighters trying to be able to do youtube and school because for me youtube was what kept me… sane.. in a way so it was like for me, i would rather not sleep and get a video up because getting that video up is the only thing that gives me an ounce of happiness while being at school literally made me wanna die i started falling back into my old habits, i wasn’t showing up to school I was late, like everyday sometimes i’d pull up to school, i’d be sitting in the car, and i’d be fucking balling my eyes out and I just couldn’t go in, and I’d have to drive home I don’t know exactly what it is about school and what about it made me so.. depressed! but… it was so bad! i would meet with my counsellor weekly, my school counsellor trying to find out a way that I could.. adjust my schedule trying to find a way that I could f- ya know trying to make my work load less impossible, and… it just was impossible. i could not cope with being at school it just got to the point where… it was simple! one morning I literally woke up and I was like ‘I will never go to that school again’ and I told my parents

100 thoughts on “why i left school”

  1. I just watched this. I graduated high school a year ago, and I'm currently struggling to actually go through with officially applying for my second year of funding for college. For completing my registration process for my program in year 2. School has put a major strain on my mental health but I've been taught that it's the only way to succeed.

  2. Lmao I’ve been watching her since she had like 2M subscribers or less….literally have watched this video like 3 times 😂….love her sm ❤️

  3. My high school experience was awful until my senior year when I was able to take my classes at a community college instead. It was amazing

  4. i don’t wanna do school like it’s not the path i wanna take in life, i wanna have a yt channel, move to la and model bc it’s my passion and agency’s have been reaching out to me for modeling! but my parents are like controlling and are like “no you are doing high school” but i wanna literally just move to la and do my own thing, and they don’t understand that you don’t need to go to college for a job like there’s so much more jobs in la and opportunities where u don’t need school

  5. The saddest thing for me is that i get depressed in school but also i dont have the power to leave it so….rip me…

  6. Emma, I am so glad I started watching your videos! They make me feel so relaxed and you are my literal role model! Omg I love you! 💞💞

  7. She honestly could of not explained this any better. So mature and so well explained. You go girl! 🤟💕

  8. rewatching this video cause I'm going into my senior year and i left my old school halfway through my junior year because this was me and I was severely depressed but i found the school option that works for me even though its not "normal school" its one on one and I'm out here living my best life so thanks emma for always putting out relatable content and just for being yourself <3

  9. Just going to school made you depressed? Wow I can’t imagine what “trauma” you would’ve felt if you went through shit that the “average teen” doesn’t go through. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

  10. Damn, wish I'd seen this a year ago. Literally just finished school and I actually HATED it. Not a bad student at all but I know that if I was in an environment that I felt comfortable and motivated in I could be getting A* (highest grade). Shame my school literally has no way of coping with mental illness and only cares that you turn up and get decent grades!

  11. i relate to this in so many ways & started my youtube channel without even seeing this! comforting to know it’s not just me than went through this.. x

  12. i wanna know if she was ever made fun of for youtube, i’m too scared to tell my sxhool about mine cus of people being horrible..

  13. omg I totally agree with u! I CANT and I mean CANT sit down for about 2 hours doing litteretly NOTHING! and if I got 8 hours of hw I would probably get a brain tumer or something like I am a very energetic person so I am always wanting to do something and I just cant sit down for that long or stand still! or else I get very impatient and I just do whatever!

  14. Can’t even express how much I fucking relate to that feeling and not being able to get up and go and the car part.

  15. even though you made this vid like a year and a half ago i still love coming back to watch it. this past year, i became extremely depressed from all the stress of all the things going on in my life. from going to gymnastics practice 5 times a week for 4 hours and also going to school for 8 hours. addition, i was juggling the stress and anxiety of homework that took hours to complete and also having to do it at 10 pm every day of the week because i had gymnastics and came home late at night. i also missed a lot at school because i had to leave early to make it to the gym for practice. i got frustrated all the time because i felt trapped in a loophole of going to school, going to practice, not finishing my homework, getting bad grades, and still having to wake up early the next day and pretend it never happened so i could keep up. i got so anxious and had mental breakdowns often. i would sometimes miss practice so i could get my schoolwork done and i still could not catch up. with all my problems it led to getting sick very often and missing even more. i decided to be home-schooled to see if it would be less stressful and a better fit for me. it was for a while, until i fell back into the same moods and had depression and anxiety from gymnastics. i took a break from it for a while and went to the doctor to see if they could help. i ended up being diagnosed with celiac disease, a chronic disorder where my immune system attacks itself when i consume things like wheat, certain chemicals in food, and in general, gluten. this affects your whole body and can lead to serious conditions, which explained why became depressed and anxious and stressed for no reason all of the time. after i cut gluten out of my life, i started to feel much happier and healthier, but i learned that homeschooling was definitely not for me. i also discovered that even without my health low, i just wasn't passionate about gymnastics anymore. i quit the sport and found a new love for tennis, and now i am going back to public high school this coming year. emma helped me realize that yes, there are always alternatives to something you just aren't comfortable with. she helped me also find out what my true passions and feelings were. thanks emma 🙂
    ps if you read all the way to the end thank youu you're a real one 🙂 thanks for hearing my story lol.

  16. I have bad thoughts and it is the worst it is bad that I cant think I cant move and I dont want to get out of my bed I feel so bad all the time I would cry at school any on want to tell me how to get over it because it is in my head still I tell everyone about it but my mind it is hard to accept it

  17. well, Emma, you sound very intelligent 🤓🧠 in #StupidAndGeniusWithEmmaChamberlain I just somehow stumbled into your world now you've got me trapped 🕸. I stayed up all night streaming your brilliant and hilarious podcast I only have 5 left to get all caught up. It seems like your intelligence is developing a useful gameplan to continue taking care of yourself first. Do not worry about the school thing. I was kicked out my senior year for debating the teachers and proving they didn't know shit about the fucking subject they taught. I got a GED, went to college 5-years later took the 2-courses I shamed the teachers in, brought my transcript in with a 98 in one and a 107 in the other so they gave me my diploma.

  18. Gonna be a senior this year and ever since about my 7th grade year I’ve been wanting to do online school but I’m to scared to ask my parents!

  19. Little did she know that in the future she would have 8 million subscribers, have her dream of living in LA come true and get involved with big events like fashion week

  20. Throwback to Emma starting yt and being ultra cute ❤️
    Who also thinks that she was so sweet when she said : „I think we have a special bond and I don’t wanna ruin it

  21. I graduated high school 3 years ago but I’m still mad about what happened from my past high school years. I been bullied way too much, my “friends” do me dirty turning out being fake and most apparently toxic teachers 🙅🏾‍♂️

  22. I feel like many students are depressed but aren’t able to talk to anyone cause they feel like nobody understands them

  23. Depression is a real thing! But online school is still an option for the people who are depressed or socially anxious so they can still continue to get an education and have a great future

  24. Hi Emma I’m Jaydn and this video is helping me a lot because I’m trying to decide if I should stay in public school or go into online school I work better without distractions and I have super bad anxiety and school also makes me depressed I don’t wanna have to go through what I’d did last year so I think I’m going to do online school and I get my license next year and all my friends will have their licenses soon so ya can still be social

  25. This video reminds me about every single thing that happens in your it's for a reason!!
    I think that's CRAZY!!
    This is how many people think it's mind blowing [think about it]

  26. emma i might be late but we totally understand what you're going through. or at least my sis and I do.
    everyday my sister would say "mom i cant go to school, im sick." and my mom thought she was saying it to get out of school. later we found out that it was her physical and mental health that were just going INSANE. about 10 years later she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and on top of that she found out she cant have kids AND she's bipolar.
    more on my side, school makes me go CRAZY. all the drama and hiding from people has caused me to have anxiety and some other stuff i dont know how to spell.
    school is just a stressful place. they expect you to get through 7 hours of homework, and sometimes as soon as i get home i would just burst into tears. but now seeing that other people are going through the same things its caused me to be stronger in getting through the day without crying or being bullied.

    no one knows who this person is unless if you watch fairytail on netflix, a strong and independent woman had to say goodbye to her childhood friends, and kill her lover in order to save millions but she said,

    "Live each day as if it were your last and live your life to the fullest. dont sit around feeling sorry for yourself and have fun." – Titania Erza Scarlett, Queen of the Fairies, of the magical guild Fairytail.

  27. school is just not the place for some people. I hate when people say that its just kids being lazy and that they just don't want to do the work. no. some of us are depressed, some of us have crippling anxiety some of us are being bullied, some of us have massive issues at home. its not fair for people to call children lazy simply because work is involved with something we don't want to do. the school system is mentally draining and feels like I'm being sent off to jail everyday honestly and its sitting behind a desk doing things that I hate and feeling dumb because I can't do it, and school is just not good for me. its such an unhealthy environment for me because its draining and I hate it. lol soz rant over

  28. Literally everyone calls me a drop out but I didn’t drop out I got online school I’m still getting my diploma I can go on stage if I wanted too , it’s not dropping out if you’re still In school working for that diploma .

  29. I’m 17, I failed my 9th grade year, and because of that I changed schools and completed 9th. I went to 10th and recently found out I failed as my attendance was fucked. I’ve been depressed and haven’t gotten out of it for many years now. I failed every class except my music classes. I love music and always will, I loved going to school to play music with my band and talk about music stuff. Everything else made me want to kill myself. For anyone reading this, you should do whatever you want in life that makes you happy! Because true happiness, (at least to me) seems rare. Very few times in my life have I been happy. So when I am, when I’m rocking with my friends and shredding on my keyboard, well that’s a nice feeling. Thanks

  30. Agree completely! The education system of 8-3 works for very few. Most just grin and bear it, but that’s no way to live a life. Awesome to see someone find something that they have a passion for! I wish there was an answer to the broken system high school.

  31. I mean look at her now! 8.2 million subscribers including me! She cheers me up and I can’t believe that she had to go through this trauma just to find her dream! Hats of to you Emma! 🙌👏👏❤️❤️❤️

  32. Only my opinion, if you have a oportunity to do what you want, why should u do what people think that we must do ? I appreciate it, you are doing absolutely right

  33. And know she is thriving being one of the most successful teenager. Working with LV, W magazine, Vogue and the list is long. Having her own podcast. A merch line. Being a Soulcycle Queen. And being the happiest she has ever been. I'm proud❤

  34. finally someone i can relate to about how my sophomore year is my most stressful fucking year ever..it literally made me quit youtube for a long ass time and it’s such a waste

  35. My goodness kids these days…no wonder u're called as 'Generation Strawberry'. Like, ur a teen & it's your legit RESPONSIBILITY to attend school. Freakin'deal with it. Sheesh.

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